The joy of sharing your joy with others is more fulfilling than the one you get to enjoy by yourself.
The above was intuitively written many moons ago before becoming part of
OLS Reflections Einunddreißig in 2016. As I sometimes do when revisiting earlier writings that stand the test of time, and perhaps as a way to reach deeper truth, the following introspective piece is a further elaboration inspired by a chain of interactions.
A couple of weeks ago while standing outside by the gate of the house savouring the morning coffee, I could see a semi-truck carrying all sorts of colourful items parked at the end of the street. The vibrant looking content wasn’t the usual fruits or home appliances seen here in Dahab, enticing me to go investigate from up close. The couple
of Sa’
idi guys from South of Egypt were mainly selling clothes along with some towels and kids’ toys. Rather than turn around and leave after our short introductory chit-chat, seeing Nadia standing by I stopped. She’s a smart 7-year-old Bedouin friend and neighbour who was probably around 4 when first moving in.
Every now and then she would ask about my mother by name — after meeting her few times over the years.
“Get yourself whatever you want from here,” I blurted out while pointing at the merchandise. Somewhat shy yet not too much, she approached the back of the vehicle to choose a petty wheeled cane plastic toy. Since most I had been giving her until then were fruits, she was probably confused. Encouraging her to choose a clothing item, she picked a two-piece panda tracksuit/pyjamas. Out there with us was her grandmother who witnessed the whole event unfold. Out of decency, I felt compelled to ask permission from the woman, which she gave me. We then made sure the outfit fits Nadia and that was that.
A heart-warming thing then took place. The main Sa’idi vendor seemed so moved by the random act of kindness, he asked if he could hug me as a Thank You. True story. So here we were both in our galabeyas looking how we look and hugging compassionately mid street under the Sinai’s sun. Ah, a Brotherhood of Man.
Walking back home I felt so high and out there with my head in the cosmos, the flip flops were barely touching the ground. Why? Well, mainly because this time the kid didn’t get the usual mere banana or even 10 Pounds; but it’s more substantial, something useful and practical and warm for her to use and enjoy.
Maybe the unlikely and unusually random hug from the man also added some Serotonin — our natural antidepressant — and Oxytocin — the Love/Bonding/Cuddle hormone — among other chemicals to the equation. Ha. It truly was quite a joyfully intoxicating feeling.
Another point to consider is that I don’t have kids. So this occasional selfless giving to children may be the closest I’ll feel to being a parent. Nevertheless, the instinct, apparently, seems to be still very much alive. Obviously this is the norm for most parents and grandparents, even removing ‘occasional’.
For instance, and having mentioned bananas, when first moving to the Bohemian town that is Dahab the Bedouin children living on the same street began asking me for ‘Chocolata’, including Nadia. I would whimsically respond: “Sugar makes you fat and slow and weak. Eat fruits instead.” In the following few weeks I began getting extra fruits to share with them in hope to entice them. And bananas remain the perfect gift because their short life. Now that the kids and I have become friends, whenever they see me in the street they would childishly shout: “Eddiny moza!” — give me a banana!” Other times I would be the one playfully shouting: “Mafeesh moza? — there is no banana?”
Similar fatherly sentiments appear to be at play regarding Abanoub and Roufael, the 8
and 11-year-old boys who live on the beach and who come join me when drumming. After showing them the basics, one day they came all excited to share that while drumming on their buckets a foreign woman passing by gave each 20 EGP. For the boys that is quite something: No only did they make money doing an activity they enjoy, but they also never asked for it. Ahh, planting seeds. Maybe one day in the future they’ll have their own circles.
However, since I don’t interact with the innocence of children everyday, whenever it occurs my nervous system notices the changes in psyche and body, making a thing out of it. Simply observing our thoughts, emotions, and behaviour in the midst of these changes in consciousness can be highly educating and introspective. It is how we get to know our true inner selves.
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The Bedouin kiddos (and now-teenagers) have been growing
day by day before my eyes
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Back to the panda day, it was that simple humane interaction and the transcendental sensation it birthed that reminded me of the featured reflection about joy sharing. Also of a study I came across shortly after first expressing the sentiment, which showed that the act of spending money on others provides more happiness than spending it on yourself; that giving is more fulfilling than receiving. At first it may sound counter-intuitive, but it isn’t so.
Research by Harvard Business School has shown that people are happier when they give money to others. Think of the unique kind of anticipation when you offer someone a present compared to receiving one. This is what “buying happiness” could literally mean.
• Buy Experiences.
Research revealed that material purchases are less satisfying than vacations, trips, concerts. Well of course.
•
Make it a Treat.
Limiting access to our favourite things will make us keep appreciating them. Some probably already knew it. In my case, this one points to
sushi — regarding legal substances that is, pff. And the fact that sushi is pricey and is enjoyed somewhat occasionally as a treat reinforce the whole dynamic we share. It’s like the cocaine of food. But indeed, even if you really love whatever it is, frequently or neurotically indulging in it happens to take away from the magic while considerably reducing the intensity or depth of the experience. Ask any
addict about how
tolerance is a bitch.
• Buy Time.
Focusing on time over money leads to wiser purchases. This is quite close to experience. But time after all remains a man-made construct. For we may go to bed one night to never ever wake up. So there’s that. Time isn’t even linear, there’s also that — whether one can wrap their mind around it or not.
• Pay Now, Consume Later.
When we delay our consumption our enjoyment increases. Absolutely agree, though to a certain extent. Think of that moment when you finally indulge in that succulent delicacy, bottle of wine, bud among other substances you were able to hide from yourself or to keep for special occasions; mm, truly satisfying. For some actually, knowing they were able to save such a thing could be empowering.
I add “certain extent” because sometimes saving turns to hoarding, through which the person tends to forget the inevitability of their mortality. So one has to be sure they still have time and energy to enjoy whatever they had been keeping for “tomorrow”, “special occasions”, or “old age”. It’s a fine line that keeps getting thinner with age.
• And finally Invest in Others, the chief topic of this article.
If you haven’t noticed already, it was shown that spending money on other people is more fulfilling than spending it on oneself. Why, you ask? Because it creates a sense of connection for us social animals, which is beneficial to our well-being. Remember that the next time you see someone in need… or just remember it in general. You can even test it yourself to see if it’s actually true.
One thing remains certain though, random acts of kindness are never wasted; and somehow they tend to come back to us — often in different forms.
“There is a reason we feel joy when we give to others; our tendency to share resources led to the survival of our species. Doing so makes us feel like we have autonomy and the ability to make a difference to someone else.” “It can enhance feelings of self-confidence and perhaps most importantly, create this feeling of connection that seems to be really crucial to our well-being”. Adding, “We think it is a critical building block of human nature and underlies our success as a species.”
Knowing all that, I began to notice the phenomenon more often while observing myself in the act. Whether giving to humans or animals — mainly dogs, cats, and more recently goats — this “thinking of someone other than yourself” can be profoundly satisfying, enriching, and meaningful. The sense of compassionate empathy you feel in your every nerve ending becomes intoxicating, sometimes
contagious.
For it unplugs you from the me-myself-and-I self-focused ego trip many get stuck in. It’s when the mind or entire being gets rid of the ‘iness’, even if momentarily.
Now, helping in general is always great of course. There is a good reason why giving and charity are spread throughout most religions and even philosophies. But when giving is done voluntarily for its own sake without expecting anything in return — especially when the receiver can never repay the giver — the act turns into true bliss: Pure unattached unconditional
Love. And there is no price for such innocence and simplicity.
Devoid of connotations to religious dogma, this love is given out without expectations. It is neither intended to please a certain god or deity nor to avoid any fear of [divine] retribution. Neither to go to Heaven nor to avoid Hell. The motivation to act here is
Intrinsic. Unlike extrinsic motivation, it stems from within; it is self-determined. Intrinsic means it involves engaging in a behaviour because it is personally rewarding; essentially, performing an act for its own sake rather than for some separable, external consequence like reward or pressure... or fear. The Kingdom of Heaven is already within you.
Similar to writing and drumming for me, acts of kindness are their very own reward. Not only is it a gift to others, but it is also a gift to oneself — a reminder of our own humanity.
Being unattached and unconditional, kindness is no business transaction this way. Also, giving does not necessarily have to involve material things. Sharing a compliment or word of encouragement, a poem or joke, a perspective, mental space, vibrational frequency, or simply a smiley eye-contact are all kind gestures, spiritual even. The very simple notion of helping make the existence of a living being a little better/easier or a little less miserable in any way, shape, or form renders one grateful for the opportunity. Noble is the attempt to alleviate the suffering in this world, to make it a slightly better place before departing.
I have noticed time and again, when these acts involve older people, children, or animals, the interactions somehow become even warmer. Likely because they are the most gentle, sensitive, vulnerable. The first two are reflections of one’s future and past, while animals, well, a reflection of previous incarnations in the evolutionary cycle.
In a
A Dollar & Thirty Four Cents in Me Pocket and Feeling Fine (2015), about few days of temporary
poverty endured in Venice Beach, I recount that there is a peculiar sense of liberation when giving someone the last money you have in your pockets [at a certain time]: because you know they need it more than you do. Travelling, after all, is the best of teachers.
Few days after receiving the panda, Nadia was biking in the street when she adorably came to show off her new attire. She had three other girls along, all neighbours from our same street and all between 8 and 11-years old. While standing there with them, a cheeky one mentioned wanting a similar gift for herself. This led to promising to get them some clothes from the same guy. To which another girl wittily replied while pointing to the right that the vendor is two streets away right now. Haa. I promised them all that next week we’ll get to it. But I also made them promise to “keep it a secret” for now, as not to tell the entire street’s kids gang who are mostly boys, because they are 17 or 20 of them [some shown in the photo above] and it will create considerable havoc in the neighbourhood. Sharing is certainly caring, but they ought to be reminded that I’m not really Santa Claus.
Right on the day this article was to be published, January 1st 2025, I heard a knock on the door by two of the Bedouin girls. They were here to inform 3amo Omar that the clothes vendor is back and parked right outside. Oh well, let us get it over with then. They were two different guys this time, yet each girl still got her two-piece outfit and that was that. Some of their older family members were out there by the semi-truck checking the merchandise, all women in traditional Bedouin attire; in addition to few of the neighbouring boys who, as expected, came to ask for their own “badla” or suit. “This time the girls, next time InshaaAllah,” Santa Claus replied. “Happy New Year”. No impromptu hug this round though.
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Colourful Steve with his signature hands in the air mid circle and Pauli Paul
in a yellow t-shit on the left in the below capture and a beanie in the above, along
with Dan, P.J, Eddi. Also my djembe in front of the white wooden foldable chair,
VBDC 2015/2016
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Around the same time, I received uplifting messages from two dear friends from the other side of the world in L.A, Steve Engel and Paul Freeman. Each separately in their own way, they randomly thanked me for
Full Lunacy Drum Circle by One Lucky Soul — Dockweiler and for keeping it up for all these years, even when not physically around. Both of them were welcoming, supporting, and encouraging on my first days at the Venice Beach Drum Circle; they were actually also ones of the first few attendees when the idea of calling it Full Lunacy while linking it to One Lucky Soul and making a thing out of it came to being in 2016. They were there every month until I left end of 2018... then carried on afterwards.
“Thank
you for all you do, we miss you” was their message that made me smile from the
inside. This was not their first time to express their thanks; yet being
on the receiving end, and having just gone through the Nadia happening, I could experience first-hand the power of kindness and cherish it too. Here as a simple word of appreciation.
Motivationally, until today both of them still go to Full Lunacy at Dockweiler Beach [and the VBDC] to drum and dance. More
regularly with Paul — who is in his 70s — than Steve — who
is in his early 80s and has recently moved a little further. What inspiration they are! A big
warm Thank You to these two fun, cool, kind, young-at-heart spirits for being who they are and for the constant support. I sure miss them too.
Both men are equally aware of the Dahab sister gathering that followed after I moved to Sinai in 2022. Which brings us to another more frequent message received by several new acquaintances here: “
Thank you for bringing people together”. Ahh. It’s like every cell in my body rejoices as it turns into a happy smiley face bopping around the microcosm in sheer bewildered ecstasy. It feels great to be adding something meaningful to this small community; and this time it happens to be in my country of birth.
Truthfully, when you do something out of pure passion without seeking any sort of reward, encountering the occasional simple moments of appreciation can be utterly, substantially satisfying and, certainly, still very much rewarding. Like a Zen koan, that’s the paradoxical part.
Speaking of VBDC icons, another beautiful friend was the late Lonnie Boyd Jones Sr. who was in his mid 80s when we first met. Him, too, was kind and welcoming on these first days when I still didn
’t know anyone. In fact, he was the first
— and maybe only one — to notice that I subconsciously count when drumming; something I had no idea I was doing right until then. Sweet Lonnie even made it to Full Lunacy several times before passing away in 2021.
A Random Call That Hit Me In The Feels
is an ode to our friendship despite the 50-year difference. May He Rest In Love.
May
you always value the simple little things in Life. For they make a
significant difference and hence are the most essential. That includes
intergenerational friendships.
Carrying on with the little things, something splendidly cool started happening during the last three Full Lunacy Drum Circle — Dahab gatherings, as it
had started to happen at Dockweiler once it organically picked up and more people knew
about it: When
I finally decide to leave — whether at midnight or 10 —
some attendees are still there. You see, a host or organiser usually
leaves last, but then at some point after 6+ hours I’m rather done.
However, leaving them there around the fire seems poetically symbolic as well as
sentimental. It’s like passing the torch, mayhap thereby also
inspiring others to have their own time with the full moon and among
nature, possibly their own drum circles, too [Abanoub and Roufael]
. One more simple thing that makes my heart sing and drum and dance while biking home afterwards.
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Intergenerational friendships are beautiful and educational as niece Shamsita likely agrees with Skuncle O, as do grandparents like Steve, Paul, and Lonnie
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To end this piece by circling back to love, daily life, and animals we can safely say that “The joy of sharing your joy with others is more fulfilling than the one you get to enjoy by yourself” did indeed stand the test of time.
The more you observe, the more things become more apparent. For instance, the level of delight achieved when sharing certain foods with the cats is directly proportional to the value of the food. That is, while eating I may sometimes share pieces of chicken or seafood with both indoor cats — while the rest are for the two outdoor ones. From time to time, and to circle again to sushi, I would share tiny pieces of salmon with them taken from a single Hosomake. It may sound absurd to give sushi to animals, but it is one piece they share. This is when you come to realise that sharing is not just caring, but it’s also loving.
Other times I would catch myself choosing tuna salad over potato salad because the cats will have a ball. Again here, they have their usual daily meals while the tiny pieces of tuna or salmon (or whatever) are simply given as treats; two small chunks divided into 4 or 5 individual pieces
are the treat. You know when it comes to food, nit-picky
cats are certainly not dogs. This same
thinking of someone other than yourself echoes with
Choosing a dish with bone leftovers while eating out so you can take it back to your dog(s). Or taking the leftovers of your friends.
Slightly different dynamics are at play regarding feeding the neighbouring goats. But when you find pleasure in mindfully keeping watermelons, cantaloups, bananas leftovers, cutting them into smaller individual pieces, before heading out to the street to hand-feed a tribe of 15 adults, you soon realise the priceless joy is just the same.
Certainly, there is much love and beauty in
the act of sharing something you value, enjoy, and only
indulge in on occasions with anyone other than yourself. One may even say that it’s the thought that is more substantial than the actual items shared. But again, they are not all materials. Other shareable things remain free, like a word of encouragement and a smile. Whatever they are, the capacity for kindness and gentleness is truly priceless. It is what strengthen the bonds and connections of our relationships with the world as well as everyone in it. And as we have seen, it tends to revolve around the simple little things in life... figuratively and oftentimes literally as well.
Love Is The Way. And true Love is when the well-being of others is as valuable as our own.
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