Transcendence
tran·scend·ence
/tran(t)ˈsendəns/
Transcendence (n): Existence or experience beyond the normal or physical level.
Synonyms: Excellence, supremacy, incomparability, matchlessness, peerlessness, magnificence; rare: paramountcy.
In everyday language, “transcendence” means “going beyond”; with “self-transcendence” meaning going beyond a prior form or state of oneself. Mystical experience is thought of as a particularly advanced state of self-transcendence, in which the sense of a separate self is abandoned.
tran·scend·ence
/tran(t)ˈsendəns/
Transcendence (n): Existence or experience beyond the normal or physical level.
Synonyms: Excellence, supremacy, incomparability, matchlessness, peerlessness, magnificence; rare: paramountcy.
In everyday language, “transcendence” means “going beyond”; with “self-transcendence” meaning going beyond a prior form or state of oneself. Mystical experience is thought of as a particularly advanced state of self-transcendence, in which the sense of a separate self is abandoned.
Being born and raised in a certain place makes us prone to be heavily affected by its environment. Parents, preachers, school, religion, society, culture are all components of what influences our personality and shapes our character. We simply are a product of our upbringing. While we are not responsible for this conditioning we were exposed to during our childhood, as adults we are fully responsible for fixing it. I had previously shared my philosophical views about self-transcendence in Who Are We? as well as in the list-article Things I Got Rid Of To Become Happier. The following is a more thorough and detailed account of how it all transpired.
Having been born in Egypt I was naturally affected by all that. My parents were liberal, well-educated, and well-travelled, yet one cannot escape the overall paradigm in which they found themselves into. My first deconditioning was realising that my country of birth, Egypt, was not the greatest country in the world as some repeated and still do about their own countries. A few trips to the U.S and France during my childhood were enough for young me to reckon that there are other more advanced countries where decent and healthy citizens live. Later in life, I noticed that most people who hold that childish kind of love for their country have never left it — be it in Egypt, Canada, the U.S or anywhere else.
It is perfectly normal to love one’s country, healthy too. But on the bigger scheme of things, nothing good can come out from believing that yours is superior to the rest; which brings us to nationalism. It is a flawed, childish attitude and mindset to believe that the place where you happened to be born is better than all the rest of the other places — assuming you have seen all other places, which is rarely the case. It means you chose to use the small, egoic mind to view the world. Unlike the big-picture view of the Higher Self, this way you are separating themself from all the rest of humanity by believing you are better than them, which is a mere delusion. With that in mind, let us ascertain that there are neither master races nor superior or inferior humans.
You know Einstein called nationalism an infantile disease and the measles of mankind for a reason. We don’t really see any borders from space, do we.
On a parallel note, there is patriotism, which is a mere feeling of admiration for a way of life of a country, as Orwell once explained it. It is believed by some to be based on affection and is considered passive; while nationalism is rooted in rivalry and resentment and considered a little aggressive.
Having been born in Egypt I was naturally affected by all that. My parents were liberal, well-educated, and well-travelled, yet one cannot escape the overall paradigm in which they found themselves into. My first deconditioning was realising that my country of birth, Egypt, was not the greatest country in the world as some repeated and still do about their own countries. A few trips to the U.S and France during my childhood were enough for young me to reckon that there are other more advanced countries where decent and healthy citizens live. Later in life, I noticed that most people who hold that childish kind of love for their country have never left it — be it in Egypt, Canada, the U.S or anywhere else.
It is perfectly normal to love one’s country, healthy too. But on the bigger scheme of things, nothing good can come out from believing that yours is superior to the rest; which brings us to nationalism. It is a flawed, childish attitude and mindset to believe that the place where you happened to be born is better than all the rest of the other places — assuming you have seen all other places, which is rarely the case. It means you chose to use the small, egoic mind to view the world. Unlike the big-picture view of the Higher Self, this way you are separating themself from all the rest of humanity by believing you are better than them, which is a mere delusion. With that in mind, let us ascertain that there are neither master races nor superior or inferior humans.
You know Einstein called nationalism an infantile disease and the measles of mankind for a reason. We don’t really see any borders from space, do we.
On a parallel note, there is patriotism, which is a mere feeling of admiration for a way of life of a country, as Orwell once explained it. It is believed by some to be based on affection and is considered passive; while nationalism is rooted in rivalry and resentment and considered a little aggressive.
“One can say that nationalism is militant by nature and patriotism is based on peace.”
Both terms, however, are cleverly woven together and are frequently believed to mean the same thing; but they don’t as it is more than mere semantics. That is why they are two distinct words. Yet both seem like an attempt to separate ourselves from others; to feel proud that we are better than them — when we clearly aren’t. This ideology breeds as well as feeds on fear of the others, “them”, and more generally fear of the unknown.
“The feeling of patriotism — It is an immoral feeling because, instead of confessing himself a son of God . . . or even a free man guided by his own reason, each man under the influence of patriotism confesses himself the son of his fatherland and the slave of his government, and commits actions contrary to his reason and conscience.”
— Leo Tolstoy had to say in Patriotism and Government.
The following transcendence began through some doubts about religion; or perhaps the actual divinity of religions.
At 14-years old I had a question that no one seemed to know the answer to: If God is omniscient ― all-knowing, all-wise, all-seeing ― in an absolute and unlimited sense as we were made to believe, then he knows in advance what all our choices will be in this life: Past, present, and future. So what is, then, the point of existing if it is all predetermined? Where would our choices and freewill fall into this equation?
I asked teachers, uncles, and aunts, and no one was able to give me a direct answer. Some tried, though, with “It’s all a test”. But then when taking their proposed argument further, asking why create a test if you know its final result, I could see it in their eyes that most had absolutely no idea what they were talking about.
With age, said confusion perceived in older people led to additional inquiries: If they don’t know the answer to a question a teenager is asking, then probably there are more unanswered questions. This simple logic compelled me to want to find out more. For example, why would ‘He’ create us, determine our whole lives, then sit back and watch? If all is known as it is widely claimed, then why are we here? Where is the choice? Where is the freedom? Where is the freedom of choice? Oh, and Why ‘He’ not ‘She’? Why not ‘IT’?
Another thing that didn’t make sense to me was what school children were taught about gay people ending up burning in hell on the hand of vicious ghouls — according to the Quranic story of the People of Lot who were destroyed by the wrath of God for engaging in carnal acts between men. The sentiments are somewhat similar in Christianity more than in Judaism.
Additionally, according to the Quran a man can beat his wife/wives (four are allowed) to discipline her — though only lightly — as he can also beat his children to force them to pray.
Despite this early exposure, it didn’t take long for teenage me to question some of the incoming information and the exhausted atavistic ideologies it represents. We actually had a closeted gay relative in the family whom everyone loved and who passed away around the same time; and the idea of him going to hell despite the fact that he was a genuinely great person who actually prayed five times a day made no sense. This naturally led to some pondering:
Let me get this straight (not intended, but I like it): So you mean God, who’s omniscient — knows every single thing — created all these homosexual folks, whether they were born ‘gay’ or became it later in life, then he promises to throw them in hell because they are not like everyone else? If it is such a sinful abomination to like someone from the same-sex, why can’t He ‘fix’ them if He’s omnipotent — all powerful and can do anything? Why create them in the first place then lay his everlasting wrath upon them? What kind of reasoning is this? And most importantly, how come many mature adults believe it?
The same logic can be used about why create sick children and extreme poverty while allowing evil to somewhat thrive if He’s Omnipotent. Do they wholeheartedly believe that God favours some over others according to what they do in their private bedrooms and not just according to a geographical haphazard coincidence? That is quite the petty, nosey, judgmental God they are talking about. No wonder that some atheists often repeat the phrase:
“Your God is too small” [A Guide for Believers and Skeptics Alike]. This actually is the title of a book by J.B. Phillips.
Along with Omnipotent and Omniscient, there is another “omni” attribute pertaining to God: Omnibenevolent — all good, all loving. But paradoxically, this very omniscience seems to contradict the vengeful entity mentioned above.
The fourth and last and, for some reason, less used member of the family is: Omnipresent — all present; available everywhere all the time.
Further, there is the good ol’ Logical Problem of Evil. First attributed to the Greek philosopher Epicurus and his argument (modern version), it highlights the problematic issue with the concept of the Abrahamic anthropomorphic “creator” God:
- God exists.
- God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent.
- An omnibenevolent being would want to prevent all evils.
- An omniscient being knows every way in which evils can come into existence, and knows every way in which those evils could be prevented.
- An omnipotent being has the power to prevent that evil from coming into existence.
- A being who knows every way in which an evil can come into existence, who is able to prevent that evil from coming into existence, and who wants to do so, would prevent the existence of that evil.
- If there exists an omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent God, then no evil exists.
- Evil exists (logical contradiction).
Let us remember that a distorted truth or half-truth is much worse than no truth. That is to say that false knowledge is worse than ignorance.
More on spirituality can be found in these earlier pieces: The Millennium Eve Spent Alone at the Mosque, Unfollow The Crowd, and OLS Reflections — The Spiritual Edition. Also in the more recent The Parable of the Nugget of Truth.
This should be enough regarding theism, for now. The rest is in the book, in which there is a full chapter titled God Between Spirituality and Religion which begins with the following quote by Joseph Campbell:
“Every religion is true one way or another. It is true when understood metaphorically. But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors, interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.”
During my time at the American University in Cairo studying Journalism and Mass Communication, psychology, and philosophy I used to travel to London, UK for short winter holidays. This was when we got into clubbing and dancing. It didn’t take long to realise that the scene was full of gay people — men and women. So I began loosing up my slight homophobia. Nevertheless, my thinking was: I don’t have anything against them, and to each his own, as long as they don’t approach me. Still, there was this toxic and divisive ‘us’ and ‘them’ component to the mentality. Obviously I was not comfortable enough to let go of the conditioning... yet.
The following years by the end of 1990s in Egypt, a few gay people from my generation began being known throughout that close-knit society. In fact, three guys we all knew got busted through something related to the Internet… for being homosexual, which until today in 2017 is still an offence punishable by law in some countries, which itself is based on the Islamic Sharia law. Remember that Saudi women cannot drive! Exactly. And people are just going about their lives not giving a flying hoot that this is even permissible. But one thing is apparent, these man-made ‘laws’ cannot be taken too seriously.
In general, in repressed societies not many talk about the topic of homosexuality. And whenever they did, it is never anything good. Though the truth remains, like everywhere else around the world, gay men and women existed, exist, and will keep existing and there is absolutely nothing to do about it. What people do in their private lives and bedrooms should never concern anyone but themselves.
As such, deeming homosexuality, or LGBTQ rights in general, illegal in some countries will only increase the taboos and stereotypes around it, making people engage in whatever it is in secrecy. A look at the underground gay life in Saudi Arabia and Kuwait among other nations in the region is enough evidence. Just like the war on drugs, it is a terribly lost cause.
When kids attending school in the year 2117 will be taught about the state of our current world in history class they will certainly wonder how humans allowed this social ostracism, prosecution, and discrimination against women and said communities for all this time — or against anyone different for that matter. Where was love, the compassion, the acceptance and open-mindedness? Where was the brotherhood and sisterhood of humanity?
Speaking of, for those who are not aware of the meaning of the recently added Q, it’s short for Queer and/or Questioning. While queer was originally used pejoratively against those with same-sex desires until the late-1980s, queer scholars and activists began reclaiming the word. Then there is the Questioning of one’s own gender, sexual identity, sexual orientation, or all three is a process of exploration by people who may be unsure, still exploring, and concerned about applying a social label to themselves for a variety reasons.
On a personal level, however, I was always that masculine guy who was dating girls and women left and right. So despite the occasional curiosity — about why religions vilify same-sex and about the topic itself — I didn’t think much about it.
As I matured even more, my intellect as well as philosophical mind matured with me, so did my questions, wondering and pondering. This was when I sort of “awoke” and began thinking for myself, one could say.
So as a species, we’re stuck to a 4.5 billion-years-old rotating rock that is orbiting a star, which itself is orbiting the centre of the Milky Way galaxy; this galaxy is travelling through the limitless space of the Universe at a staggering rate of 600 Km/s — that’s 2.2 million km/h — and what we do with our own genitals and body is what matters? Uhm, Come the right on. Or more fittingly: Cum On!
A further notion which stopped making sense to me is the ‘hell’ idea that people spend their entire lives fearing. This concept of a dreaded ‘place’ full of fire and wicked demons who will torture you for ever and ever if you didn’t listen to certain rules — including playing with your genitals the not-so-right way.
“But hey, He LOVES you,” quoting George Carlin. Heaven and hell are as much locations as God is a person.
Following some digging, I found that it is established between thinkers that religions were initially against homosexuality because it doesn’t produce babies, hence less followers and less armies and less workers. That’s pretty much it summed up in one sentence. So it became against the norm and the law. The argument that it is unnatural can be debunked by the fact that homosexual/bisexual behaviour have been observed in more than 1500 species — from tiny worms to large primates.
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| Maslow’s final version of his famous Hierarchy of Needs |
It is significant to note that I owe almost all my knowledge to philosophy, psychology, mysticism, esotericism, as well as life experiences of course. Yet, to reach such a state I had to come to term with the fact that despite my decent education, I was only starting to fathom how much I didn’t know. There was actually quite a bit of incorrect, inaccurate information I had to unlearn, which had been ingested into my mind for three decades. Remember before the mid-late 90s there was no Internet, so double-checking the accuracy of whatever we were taught was tricky business. We therefore believed what we were told and whatever we viewed without much critical thinking.
Fortunately, however, I also knew deep within that there is this unquenched curiosity and sincere desire to find out the Truth for myself, rather than just settle with mere belief or the vicarious experiences of others. I hence read lots of books and engaged in philosophical and theological conversations whenever I could and with a variety of different people, so one may lean more.
One of the things I came across everywhere around me while growing up is “Confirmation Biases”. These are Cognitive biases that involve favouring certain information, which confirms previously existing beliefs or biases, while disregarding the information which does not support them. I was there myself one day.
Another related term used in modern psychology is Cognitive Dissonance: The feeling of disorientation and discomfort resulting from holding two or more conflicting cognitions; as in ideas, beliefs, values, or emotional reactions. It’s a sort of wilful blindness, one could say. For it entails lying to yourself to justify some aspects of your reality.
People who suffer from Cognitive Dissonance do not rely on reason or common sense to shape their opinions, because they are not ready to have their illusions shattered. So they prefer to convince themselves with preconceived views and biases — whatever is comforting — by overlooking any kind of facts or evidence, and without truly thinking for themselves.
After the Egyptian Revolution of 2010 I had to deal with many of those people, mainly online. We would argue for a bit and then I’d begin noticing a repeated pattern. When I was later introduced to the term, I studied their reactions and it all made sense. Thinking about it now, to some degree I was also equally there at a point in time.
For that very reason, I wrote about it in Arabic in التنافر المعرفي — Cognitive Dissonance here on One Lucky Soul. This was something rarely if ever done before, that is writing any psychology or philosophy in Arabic. But this time it felt I somehow owed it to the Arabic-speaking world.
Funnily, one day I received a message from a stranger on Facebook, claiming I plagiarised the writing of his Egyptian professor about the topic. Ha, seriously. I simply replied that it is based on a translation of the English version, which was also written by myself, and which was sent back along with the reply to shut him up for good.
You see, most people cognise and interpret information to fit what they already believe. And since they need to believe in something, so they tend to make themselves believe whatever is in tune with their internal worldview while disregarding whatever contradicts it. And traditional religions are full of people with cognitive dissonance who are constantly using cognitive biases to get by by cherry-picking from the dogmatic scriptures.
For them, it is more comfortable to be numbly adhering to a certain belief system — preserving the old us-and-them model we are born into and going along with it, rather than objecting or rejecting or deserting it.
Today, religions seem to be political tools used by the ones in charge to control the masses and to distract them from the reality of things in the Here and Now... as it had always been.
The reality is, if more theists truly studied the scriptures, all of them, they will find some good as well as some irredeemable balderdash. But as factual truth, there are many inconsistencies, making the phantasmagorical stories [fables] and the history not add up. Remember, the patriarchal Abrahamic religions are at least 1400 years old and those were notoriously different times. So it is natural that some of the rules and constraints ought to be dropped due to the fact that we know better now as a species. Whatever insults our soul and offends our intelligence should be discarded. This translates as being true to oneself; it goes hand in hand with ceasing to believe the social conditioning and the indoctrination we were all exposed to as children while embracing our newly-found truths. That, of course, if the intent is to evolve and not become stuck in the past.
Interestingly, recent research in cognitive neuroscience has shown that the brain physiology is directly affected by our inner belief systems. The reason being is that all facts, ideas, and actions take the form of networks of neurons in our brain. While the left hemisphere is responsible for preserving the old model — the existing paradigm, our reality tunnel — the right one is constantly challenging the status quo. When the right hemisphere cannot convince the left one to change its views it ends up by causing narrow-mindedness, almost literally. In essence, it is our neural connections that physically define our belief system.
The good news, however, is that through self-awareness, transformative learning, and neuroplasticity we know that the wiring between those networks can indeed be altered. Once the long-held beliefs and values — reality tunnel — change the mind opens up... again, almost literally.
Let us now fast forward to my early 30s after leaving Egypt to Canada in 2010 and transcended an ever more complex label regarding sexual identity and orientation.
There was a pub right across the street from the cosy Davisville studio where I lived in Toronto. These were my early days of taking writing seriously, so sometimes I would go there to write and edit while pleasuring myself with a beer or three.
One day, I was sitting in the outdoor patio with Caramella my late Cocker Spaniel peacefully by my side, enjoying the rare sun while reading High Priest by Timothy Leary. At some point on my way back from the bathroom inside I saw a guy sitting a couple of tables away get up to take a closer curious look at the book title before swiftly going back to his friend. I pretended not to see and returned to sit.
An hour later, some way or another we started talking. I think it was Caramella whom he began playing with — as it often happened since she was one heck of an adorable dog. After meeting a few times at the same pub I got to know that James is 50-years old and originally from Montreal… and that he’s openly gay.
On the other hand, I naturally opened up in return. I told him about my past addiction years and how they were spent in a relationship with heroin... as a junctional funkie. To my surprise, James, too, had had the same history; although instead of my 7 years, he was into heroin for 12. Usually when telling people my own story I get some kind of advantage — for lack of a better word — regarding what we have gone through. Addiction is addiction; still, a two-year habit on doctor-prescribed muscle relaxant is not the same level of suffering as a decade-long habit of street heroin. One upmanship here, Ladies and Gentlemen.
This time, however, the opposite happened: Waow, 12 years and you got [and remained] clean and healthy and happy now. Good for you. The comparison sort of humbled me and made me think that perhaps I didn’t really screw up that much. His experience was a testament, which equally gave me hope while showing me that there is indeed a life after addiction.
Being both talkative and outgoing, we followed through with opening up and sharing our pasts. Another day James began talking about his ex who got Aids before passing away. How he took care of him till the very last day. And how after a certain age, it’s not about the sex; but rather it’s about having someone to enjoy life and grow old with.
He also shared that during his heroin years he never stole or did anything illegal to get high — while signalling to his mouth using his right hand and saying: “I gave my services, if you know what I mean.” For a second there I actually didn’t know what he meant; because it wasn’t the first thing to come to mind. Then somehow I remembered Basketball Diaries and an Aha-Moment overcame me.
Speaking of, Opiated Then Hatin’ It and Addiction Talk: My Correspondence With a 31-Year-Old Reader Before He Passed Away are two related articles.
This was the first time in my life to ever sit and talk about such personal matters with an openly gay man. It was quite the different perspective to be exposed to, or more likely not exposed to. As mentioned, it had always been me and them. But the guy was so open, fun, honest and just right-down genuine, it felt that if I didn’t like him then it’s probably because there was still a certain degree of homophobia looming on the horizon of my inner being — which I probably ought to start questioning its origin.
Staying in Toronto for three years, said nearby pub remained the most convenient place to go to whenever needing to work outside of the house for a change — mostly during early afternoons. Other than James, I met other people, mainly older, and we would sometimes share tables and beer pitches. He knew I had a girlfriend then and have met her a couple of times when she would pass by. Even in front of her he would sometimes jokingly catcall me: “Hey handsome”, “Look at that hairy chest”. And surprisingly, I was totally cool with it.
I remember once I was writing there when James later came to my table and said: “You take yourself so seriously” — meaning being so into my writing. This was quite interesting since I rarely ever heard it before. I was frequently called either a joker or crazy or whatever, but never ‘serious’. But, this time it was about my passion for writing and it showed me that, indeed, I can be serious about something I love, which eventually became my life’s vocation.
I also remember witnessing him get bullied by an old-timer Canadian guys in his 60s. “You can sit with us, but don’t talk,” the man said to him. He told me about it when he then came to sit on my table for a while. He seemed a little troubled by the incident and I sincerely felt bad for him; that at 50 years of age and in Toronto, Canadian gay folks are still discriminated against.
The reality is, if more theists truly studied the scriptures, all of them, they will find some good as well as some irredeemable balderdash. But as factual truth, there are many inconsistencies, making the phantasmagorical stories [fables] and the history not add up. Remember, the patriarchal Abrahamic religions are at least 1400 years old and those were notoriously different times. So it is natural that some of the rules and constraints ought to be dropped due to the fact that we know better now as a species. Whatever insults our soul and offends our intelligence should be discarded. This translates as being true to oneself; it goes hand in hand with ceasing to believe the social conditioning and the indoctrination we were all exposed to as children while embracing our newly-found truths. That, of course, if the intent is to evolve and not become stuck in the past.
Interestingly, recent research in cognitive neuroscience has shown that the brain physiology is directly affected by our inner belief systems. The reason being is that all facts, ideas, and actions take the form of networks of neurons in our brain. While the left hemisphere is responsible for preserving the old model — the existing paradigm, our reality tunnel — the right one is constantly challenging the status quo. When the right hemisphere cannot convince the left one to change its views it ends up by causing narrow-mindedness, almost literally. In essence, it is our neural connections that physically define our belief system.
The good news, however, is that through self-awareness, transformative learning, and neuroplasticity we know that the wiring between those networks can indeed be altered. Once the long-held beliefs and values — reality tunnel — change the mind opens up... again, almost literally.
Let us now fast forward to my early 30s after leaving Egypt to Canada in 2010 and transcended an ever more complex label regarding sexual identity and orientation.
There was a pub right across the street from the cosy Davisville studio where I lived in Toronto. These were my early days of taking writing seriously, so sometimes I would go there to write and edit while pleasuring myself with a beer or three.
One day, I was sitting in the outdoor patio with Caramella my late Cocker Spaniel peacefully by my side, enjoying the rare sun while reading High Priest by Timothy Leary. At some point on my way back from the bathroom inside I saw a guy sitting a couple of tables away get up to take a closer curious look at the book title before swiftly going back to his friend. I pretended not to see and returned to sit.
An hour later, some way or another we started talking. I think it was Caramella whom he began playing with — as it often happened since she was one heck of an adorable dog. After meeting a few times at the same pub I got to know that James is 50-years old and originally from Montreal… and that he’s openly gay.
On the other hand, I naturally opened up in return. I told him about my past addiction years and how they were spent in a relationship with heroin... as a junctional funkie. To my surprise, James, too, had had the same history; although instead of my 7 years, he was into heroin for 12. Usually when telling people my own story I get some kind of advantage — for lack of a better word — regarding what we have gone through. Addiction is addiction; still, a two-year habit on doctor-prescribed muscle relaxant is not the same level of suffering as a decade-long habit of street heroin. One upmanship here, Ladies and Gentlemen.
This time, however, the opposite happened: Waow, 12 years and you got [and remained] clean and healthy and happy now. Good for you. The comparison sort of humbled me and made me think that perhaps I didn’t really screw up that much. His experience was a testament, which equally gave me hope while showing me that there is indeed a life after addiction.
Being both talkative and outgoing, we followed through with opening up and sharing our pasts. Another day James began talking about his ex who got Aids before passing away. How he took care of him till the very last day. And how after a certain age, it’s not about the sex; but rather it’s about having someone to enjoy life and grow old with.
He also shared that during his heroin years he never stole or did anything illegal to get high — while signalling to his mouth using his right hand and saying: “I gave my services, if you know what I mean.” For a second there I actually didn’t know what he meant; because it wasn’t the first thing to come to mind. Then somehow I remembered Basketball Diaries and an Aha-Moment overcame me.
Speaking of, Opiated Then Hatin’ It and Addiction Talk: My Correspondence With a 31-Year-Old Reader Before He Passed Away are two related articles.
This was the first time in my life to ever sit and talk about such personal matters with an openly gay man. It was quite the different perspective to be exposed to, or more likely not exposed to. As mentioned, it had always been me and them. But the guy was so open, fun, honest and just right-down genuine, it felt that if I didn’t like him then it’s probably because there was still a certain degree of homophobia looming on the horizon of my inner being — which I probably ought to start questioning its origin.
Staying in Toronto for three years, said nearby pub remained the most convenient place to go to whenever needing to work outside of the house for a change — mostly during early afternoons. Other than James, I met other people, mainly older, and we would sometimes share tables and beer pitches. He knew I had a girlfriend then and have met her a couple of times when she would pass by. Even in front of her he would sometimes jokingly catcall me: “Hey handsome”, “Look at that hairy chest”. And surprisingly, I was totally cool with it.
I remember once I was writing there when James later came to my table and said: “You take yourself so seriously” — meaning being so into my writing. This was quite interesting since I rarely ever heard it before. I was frequently called either a joker or crazy or whatever, but never ‘serious’. But, this time it was about my passion for writing and it showed me that, indeed, I can be serious about something I love, which eventually became my life’s vocation.
I also remember witnessing him get bullied by an old-timer Canadian guys in his 60s. “You can sit with us, but don’t talk,” the man said to him. He told me about it when he then came to sit on my table for a while. He seemed a little troubled by the incident and I sincerely felt bad for him; that at 50 years of age and in Toronto, Canadian gay folks are still discriminated against.
Then one day something happened which led to a fascinating realisation.
As we were sitting at the pub all casually James offered to go back home to give me a blowjob. I smiled at him and calmly said that I’m not interested. Normally, after something like that it could get awkward between two people — let alone with guys, with one being not gay. But it didn’t get awkward. Actually, I even joked about what it would be like that one day I decide to switch. We stayed on the same table and resumed our chatting about sexuality, bisexuality, pansexuality, and polyamory. He said: “You know, many straight guys have things on the side with other guys and it spices up their sex lives with women.”
I later found out that this side bro play is pretty common around the world nowadays, but also in the past. The official African American slang term for this phenomenon is being on the down low.
Likewise, more women now are experimenting with same-sex just to know how it feels. It doesn’t mean they are “gay”, which again is just a label. Personally, I hold that sexuality is much more fluid to be boxed and labelled; also that everyone is a bit bisexual, whether they admit it or not and whether they choose to experiment with it or not.
Right after leaving the pub that day I called my then-girlfriend on the phone to tell her what just transpired, and we both laughed. It was a first time, so in a way I still couldn’t believe it happened so genuinely. In another way, I was surprised and actually quite proud of my reaction— or lack of more likely. Because back in the days I would have probably felt uncomfortable. It was then and there when an illuminating realisation came upon me: I am not the same person I had been up until several years prior.
While I wasn’t precisely certain of the reasons behind the change, it seemed it had taken place down deep within my inner being: Was it leaving it all behind to reside in North America for few years, or sobering up, or just maturing? Perhaps a combination of all that. But I was undeniably glad that this conditioned bigotry was dropped and that I was no longer a knobhead. Growth. Maturity. Empathy. Compassion. Openness.
Contemplating the matter, when some people, notably men, react to notions of homosexuality with what seems to be extreme ‘disgust’ or judgmental repulsion, it is not an actual emotion of disgust or repulsion. Rather, it is their ego’s subconscious way to declare that they do not fancy men. The kink is, if you are secure in your own sexuality and certain that you’re straight, you wouldn’t get that juvenile need to prove that you’re not; you wouldn’t care to make an effort.
Oftentimes, it is those who are trying too hard to conceal their latent homosexuality, or even just thoughts about it, who develop homophobic tendencies. Some are afraid to like it so they resort to fantasising about it in secrecy while at the same time hypocritically vilify it in public.
Here as well, fear of the unknown is a major catalyst leading to hate and judgments. On Not Judging Others and Psychological Projection is an article about the topic.
While I wasn’t precisely certain of the reasons behind the change, it seemed it had taken place down deep within my inner being: Was it leaving it all behind to reside in North America for few years, or sobering up, or just maturing? Perhaps a combination of all that. But I was undeniably glad that this conditioned bigotry was dropped and that I was no longer a knobhead. Growth. Maturity. Empathy. Compassion. Openness.
Contemplating the matter, when some people, notably men, react to notions of homosexuality with what seems to be extreme ‘disgust’ or judgmental repulsion, it is not an actual emotion of disgust or repulsion. Rather, it is their ego’s subconscious way to declare that they do not fancy men. The kink is, if you are secure in your own sexuality and certain that you’re straight, you wouldn’t get that juvenile need to prove that you’re not; you wouldn’t care to make an effort.
Oftentimes, it is those who are trying too hard to conceal their latent homosexuality, or even just thoughts about it, who develop homophobic tendencies. Some are afraid to like it so they resort to fantasising about it in secrecy while at the same time hypocritically vilify it in public.
Here as well, fear of the unknown is a major catalyst leading to hate and judgments. On Not Judging Others and Psychological Projection is an article about the topic.
Our only limitation lies in who we think we are — our ego.
As such, being indoctrinated from a young age is not easy to decondition from. Most people keep believing a significant portion of what they had been taught as kids and identify with it. As we have seen earlier, one example is the preconceived ideas and concepts about what God is and what is allowed and what isn’t.
Fortunately [as French-Jewish philosopher Henri Bergson expressed in the below quote], others develop critical thinking abilities at some point in life, which allows them to question and doubt the incoming information. It further gives them a chance to self-transcend their prior being and embrace a non-judgmental Higher Self. One that is more conscious, more compassionate, more empathetic. This is who we essentially are at the core. Not the labelled version we were stamped with as soon as we were born, but the liberated Oversoul.
Fortunately [as French-Jewish philosopher Henri Bergson expressed in the below quote], others develop critical thinking abilities at some point in life, which allows them to question and doubt the incoming information. It further gives them a chance to self-transcend their prior being and embrace a non-judgmental Higher Self. One that is more conscious, more compassionate, more empathetic. This is who we essentially are at the core. Not the labelled version we were stamped with as soon as we were born, but the liberated Oversoul.
After the tour across America when relocating to Venice Beach in Los Angeles I came to notice that on top of nationality, creed, and sexual orientation, I have transcended even more schisms, like skin-colour and even gender identity.
And it happened so organically.
I have a cool next-door long-stayer neighbour at the Jolly Rogers, Rob, who’s in his early 50s and looks a tad like Obama. He has that light chocolate colour and honestly I have never thought of him as a black man, despite the fact that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Still, it seems that my newly-enhanced being is not interested in labelling or categorising people. Like, at all.
Three months after moving, the man was telling me once about his parents who live in Boston, mentioning that due to the fact that they’re black they get uncomfortable coming through LAX airport. It was only then that I was overcome by this epiphany: Wait… So Rob is black? Ah yes, Rob is black! Oh well. Reflecting back, of course I could see his face and body but what is meant is that I had not brought the colour of his skin to my conscious attention, simply because it seemed irrelevant and unimportant. Now that was quite interesting to observe or to catch myself in the act.
Around the same time I came across a dancer with pretty green eyes at the Venice Beach Drum Circle. We spoke and danced few times before realising one day that she is probably a transgender. Asking a couple of brothers and sisters from the Circle and they proved me right. Now, finding out something like that would have naturally made me back off. But I didn’t. I mean, nothing much eventually happened, but I still liked her/him and her/his green eyes. As a human being, you see. If she identifies as a woman, who am I to tell her No. Not just that, but I will also treat her as a woman. That experience was another first.
Back to my vanishing homophobia... I became so fine with the idea [that gay people exist and will always do], that now when I see visibly gay guys checking me out, either at the Circle or simply in the streets I may smile, even if internally, instead of neurotically turning my face away as I did for many years. There is absolutely nothing to fear. Be who you are. The same goes for receiving compliments. Which reminds me: A male Facebook follower/fan once wrote “You’re so gorgeous, inside and out” in a private message as a comment on a photo. And since this was even before the encounter with James at the pub, it got me thinking. After all, I wasn’t even sure gorgeous could be told to men. Ha. So I was excited to write my mother and sister in Egypt to tell them about the new compliment — to share a chuckle — just as I was excited to tell the same then-girlfriend. Maybe in a way I was getting her jealous from a whole different gender. Pfff.
As previously noted, the surprise was not about how these things were happening for the first times in my mid-30s. But rather, how cool I was when they did.
I even went further by getting a massage from a transgender girl. Yes. The first time it wasn’t planned. The receptionist just asked me if I wanted a ladyboy. What an unexpected surprise. My heart starting beating pretty fast before asking if the girl is pretty, to which she said yes. So with heart pumping even faster I then agreed to indulge in yet another novel experience.
As for the massage, I loved it because her hands were relatively stronger than a female’s; for my muscles require significant strength. So I did it again, twice, with different girls though. This is how secure I am now about my own sexuality. I’m even publicly writing about it herein. Utmost Gratitude for getting rid of these acquired toxic complexes that plague a significant portion of men.
Strangely, one day while biking on Abbot Kinney I heard someone call my name. By the time I got into a restaurant to have dinner I heard it again. Looking behind, it was the younger compliment guy and a friend who were in L.A for work and who randomly spotted me while visiting Venice. He reminded me of himself as the Facebook fan/friend, then we chatted for a few moments before leaving. Basing her assumption on the interaction, the hostess of the place who was standing right there then asked if I was someone famous. Ha.
Three months after moving, the man was telling me once about his parents who live in Boston, mentioning that due to the fact that they’re black they get uncomfortable coming through LAX airport. It was only then that I was overcome by this epiphany: Wait… So Rob is black? Ah yes, Rob is black! Oh well. Reflecting back, of course I could see his face and body but what is meant is that I had not brought the colour of his skin to my conscious attention, simply because it seemed irrelevant and unimportant. Now that was quite interesting to observe or to catch myself in the act.
Around the same time I came across a dancer with pretty green eyes at the Venice Beach Drum Circle. We spoke and danced few times before realising one day that she is probably a transgender. Asking a couple of brothers and sisters from the Circle and they proved me right. Now, finding out something like that would have naturally made me back off. But I didn’t. I mean, nothing much eventually happened, but I still liked her/him and her/his green eyes. As a human being, you see. If she identifies as a woman, who am I to tell her No. Not just that, but I will also treat her as a woman. That experience was another first.
Back to my vanishing homophobia... I became so fine with the idea [that gay people exist and will always do], that now when I see visibly gay guys checking me out, either at the Circle or simply in the streets I may smile, even if internally, instead of neurotically turning my face away as I did for many years. There is absolutely nothing to fear. Be who you are. The same goes for receiving compliments. Which reminds me: A male Facebook follower/fan once wrote “You’re so gorgeous, inside and out” in a private message as a comment on a photo. And since this was even before the encounter with James at the pub, it got me thinking. After all, I wasn’t even sure gorgeous could be told to men. Ha. So I was excited to write my mother and sister in Egypt to tell them about the new compliment — to share a chuckle — just as I was excited to tell the same then-girlfriend. Maybe in a way I was getting her jealous from a whole different gender. Pfff.
As previously noted, the surprise was not about how these things were happening for the first times in my mid-30s. But rather, how cool I was when they did.
I even went further by getting a massage from a transgender girl. Yes. The first time it wasn’t planned. The receptionist just asked me if I wanted a ladyboy. What an unexpected surprise. My heart starting beating pretty fast before asking if the girl is pretty, to which she said yes. So with heart pumping even faster I then agreed to indulge in yet another novel experience.
As for the massage, I loved it because her hands were relatively stronger than a female’s; for my muscles require significant strength. So I did it again, twice, with different girls though. This is how secure I am now about my own sexuality. I’m even publicly writing about it herein. Utmost Gratitude for getting rid of these acquired toxic complexes that plague a significant portion of men.
Strangely, one day while biking on Abbot Kinney I heard someone call my name. By the time I got into a restaurant to have dinner I heard it again. Looking behind, it was the younger compliment guy and a friend who were in L.A for work and who randomly spotted me while visiting Venice. He reminded me of himself as the Facebook fan/friend, then we chatted for a few moments before leaving. Basing her assumption on the interaction, the hostess of the place who was standing right there then asked if I was someone famous. Ha.
An illusion, you see, is a distorted form of perception; and the biggest illusion of all is that your own perspective isn’t distorted. Only when one begins to see through the veil of this self-imposed illusion can they self-transcend and overcome his or her true self — becoming Nietzsche’s Übermensch, or Overman/Superman.
The only things that seem to separate us are flags, books, beliefs, ideologies, fears and egos. Again, that’s why we call separateness an illusion. Because the observer is the observed; for he creates the object observed in his mind, which makes this duality one because one wouldn’t exist without the other. Quoting Rumi: “You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.”
Conversely, through us the Universe is exploring itself. Biologically, chemically, atomically, as well as transcendentally and spiritually. We are IT and IT is us. It is an extension of our minds and souls, and it is experiencing itself in infinite ways. But as a physical organism, most of us just happen to experience it in this life in the singular — bound by time and space.
As shared, to free myself from all the baggage the ego brings along I had to look beyond labels, mine and others. Nowadays, it actually happens subconsciously as with Rob. My mind probably began disregarding those us-and-them schisms or categorising people on its own after realising how useless they are regarding our relationship with the world and functioning in it.
Being a decent human being who has morals and who aspires to do the right things in life has nothing to do with your nationality, ethnicity, religion, skin colour, creed, or what you do in your bedroom. It mainly depends on the level of empathy and compassion you possess; how you treat others, including old people, children, and animals, also the weak, the vulnerable, and the less fortunate. To be kind and gracious in one’s interactions and relations without expecting anything in return — be it a divine reward or otherwise — and without fearing retribution of any sort. For it’s not our beliefs that actually matter, it’s our behaviour. Love is all there is.
Conversely, through us the Universe is exploring itself. Biologically, chemically, atomically, as well as transcendentally and spiritually. We are IT and IT is us. It is an extension of our minds and souls, and it is experiencing itself in infinite ways. But as a physical organism, most of us just happen to experience it in this life in the singular — bound by time and space.
As shared, to free myself from all the baggage the ego brings along I had to look beyond labels, mine and others. Nowadays, it actually happens subconsciously as with Rob. My mind probably began disregarding those us-and-them schisms or categorising people on its own after realising how useless they are regarding our relationship with the world and functioning in it.
Being a decent human being who has morals and who aspires to do the right things in life has nothing to do with your nationality, ethnicity, religion, skin colour, creed, or what you do in your bedroom. It mainly depends on the level of empathy and compassion you possess; how you treat others, including old people, children, and animals, also the weak, the vulnerable, and the less fortunate. To be kind and gracious in one’s interactions and relations without expecting anything in return — be it a divine reward or otherwise — and without fearing retribution of any sort. For it’s not our beliefs that actually matter, it’s our behaviour. Love is all there is.
Another conclusion I came to reach is that asking
questions is more important than finding answers. For
unquestioned answers can be way more dangerous than unanswered
questions.
While answers may lead one to think they are done with a certain matter or inquiry, questions lead to more learning — more questions and more answers. Wondering and pondering expand our horizon as they also make us more humble as we grow through life; for the more we understand, the more we realise there is so much more to understand.
A major benefit of a curious, inquisitive mind is allowing us to see other perspectives. This brings upon empathy, compassion, and rationality, which helps us get to know each other on a deeper human level. As such, sometimes I catch myself asking certain shy or reserved people questions I can easily find the answers to just to let them open up while gaining a healthy dose of confidence. And it rarely ever fails.
Questioning is indeed an indispensable element of a full life. Question everything, including yourself, then redefine it accordingly. Free your mind, get to know your true self, then just BE and enjoy Life. Fully. Madly. Unapologetically. And lastly, remember that unconditional Love is the Tao... not fear.
ALSO VIEW:
Who Are We?
Unfollow The Crowd
Why We Should Not Fear Death
The Parable of the Nugget of Truth
While answers may lead one to think they are done with a certain matter or inquiry, questions lead to more learning — more questions and more answers. Wondering and pondering expand our horizon as they also make us more humble as we grow through life; for the more we understand, the more we realise there is so much more to understand.
A major benefit of a curious, inquisitive mind is allowing us to see other perspectives. This brings upon empathy, compassion, and rationality, which helps us get to know each other on a deeper human level. As such, sometimes I catch myself asking certain shy or reserved people questions I can easily find the answers to just to let them open up while gaining a healthy dose of confidence. And it rarely ever fails.
Questioning is indeed an indispensable element of a full life. Question everything, including yourself, then redefine it accordingly. Free your mind, get to know your true self, then just BE and enjoy Life. Fully. Madly. Unapologetically. And lastly, remember that unconditional Love is the Tao... not fear.
ALSO VIEW:
Who Are We?
Unfollow The Crowd
Why We Should Not Fear Death
The Parable of the Nugget of Truth
The Millennium Eve Spent Alone at the Mosque
The Ashram Sweeper Who Blocked Me on Facebook
Dreaming That The Buddha Was Not Fat
Change Is The Only Constant
Things I Got Rid Of To Become Happier
The Intertwining of Genius and Insanity
Theory of Mind: Thinking About Thinking and the Benefits of Observing the Observer
A Dialectic With Myself: Practical Yin Yang Approach to Coincidentia Oppositorum
A Dialectic With Myself: Practical Yin Yang Approach to Coincidentia Oppositorum
The Parable Of The Cow: You Are Not Your Thoughts
On Not Judging Others and Psychological Projection
Out-of-Body Experience and Ego Death on a “Heroic Dose” of Mushrooms
Out-of-Body Experience and Ego Death on a “Heroic Dose” of Mushrooms
Opiated Then Hatin’ It
Addiction Talk: My Correspondence With a 31-Year-Old Reader Before He Passed Away
The Archaic Origin of the Swastika Symbol [with Photos]
OLS Reflections — The Spiritual Edition
Dealing with High Awareness and Empathic Accuracy
Surviving the Madness of Sakarana — Hyoscyamus muticus
The LSD Experiments of the 1950s and 60s [Videos & Documentaries]
Addiction Talk: My Correspondence With a 31-Year-Old Reader Before He Passed Away
The Archaic Origin of the Swastika Symbol [with Photos]
OLS Reflections — The Spiritual Edition
Dealing with High Awareness and Empathic Accuracy
Surviving the Madness of Sakarana — Hyoscyamus muticus
The LSD Experiments of the 1950s and 60s [Videos & Documentaries]
Self-transcendence is about reaching beyond oneself to connect with a higher purpose or greater good. It involves stepping out of our egos and personal desires to engage with the world in a meaningful way. This can manifest through acts of kindness, creativity, or spiritual practices. By transcending the self, we not only grow as individuals but also contribute positively to the lives of others, fostering a sense of unity and interconnectedness.
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Well said.
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