Friday, 16 March 2018

OLS Reflections Fifty-Six — The Notoriously Fun Ones

  • As a kid I once fell into a well. The experience remained quite traumatic until I learned to let go of the hole thing.

  • My biological clock may be ticking, but I can’t hear it properly due to the singing cuckoo.

  • Do you know that worrying really works? 98.7 percent of the things I worry about never happen.

  • Next time someone asks what I do I’ll tell them I’m an existentialist-turned-transcendentalist psychonaut, and wait for that face. I’ll smile then sternly say that I’m really a junior financial planning analyst, and wait for that other face.

  • Did you know that the real purpose of the office neck ID holders is for when the boss decides to take those wearing them either for a ride or out for a walk?

  • Answering an anonymous letter pseudonymously is synonymous with it autonomously happening posthumously.

  • My expectations were so high they always left me loaded. That’s to put it bluntly.

  • Hymen should be called Hywomen. Or maybe hi, women.
  • Now that female pilots are a common thing, shouldn’t Cockpits be called something else? Like Cocktits.

  • March is my least favourite month because I don’t like to be told what to do.

Woof! Kool new mural by @muckrock on the Venice Beach Boardwalk.


OLS Reflections Dreiundfünfzig — The Playfully Fun Ones

OLS Reflections Cinquante-et-Un — The Corruptly Fun Ones

OLS Reflections Treinta y Seis — The Wickedly Fun Ones

OLS Reflections — Facebook Edition

OLS Reflections — Facebook Edition Deux

OLS Reflections ثمانية وعشرون — The Tranquilisingly Fun Ones

OLS Reflections पच्चीस — The Soothingly Fun Ones
OLS Reflections Venti — The Quiescently Fun Ones

OLS Reflections Siebzehn — The Peacefully Fun Ones

OLS Reflections Quatorze — The Mitigatingly Fun Ones

OLS Reflections Девять — The Pacifyingly Fun Ones

OLS Reflections Seis — The Mollifyingly Fun Ones

OLS Reflections Tre — The Mildly Fun Ones
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Saturday, 10 March 2018

Words I Made Up — The Fourteenth

Following The Thirteenth, here are more newborns.

  • Investigator (n): Ancient reptile with a highly-developed sense of money.

    Some dim-witted people may choose to define it as: Ancient reptile who wears a vest. But that clearly doesn’t make any sense since gators do not wear clothes. Humans! 

  • Jewbilee (n): A notable anniversary of a certain Judaic event, especially one celebrating twenty-five or fifty years.

  • Cheekyta (n): An impudent little girl.

  • Dicktate (v): Give orders to one’s penis by speaking to it out loud.

  • Jewpeter (n): A large planet, possibly in an alternate universe, where all inhabitants are Jewish men named Peter.

  • Escaligator (n): Ancient reptile capable of using moving staircases.

  • Briberry (n): A small roundish juicy fruit you offer someone as a gift to persuade them to act in your favour.

  • Adolf Hit-her (n): A megalomaniac dictator who’s also a woman beater.

  • Skateholder (n): A person with an interest or concern in roller skating, ice skating, and/or skateboarding, especially as a business.

  • Cockytail (n): An alcoholic beverage that renders its drinker conceited and arrogant.


Words I Made Up

Words I Made Up — The Sequel

Words I Made Up — The Threequel

Words I Made Up — The Fourquel

Words I Made Up — The Fifthquel

Words I Made Up — The Sixquel  

Words I Made Up — The Seventhquel

Words I Made Up — The Eightquel

Words I Made Up — The Ninthquel

Words I Made Up — The Tenthquel

Words I Made Up — The Eleventhquel

Words I Made Up — The Twelfthquel

Words I Made Up — The Thirteenth
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Thursday, 8 March 2018

Amphetamine, Methamphetamine, and Crystal Methamphetamine — A Psychonaut’s Review

Being the least category of substances to be drawn to, I wanted to better understand what amphetamines and methamphetamines — including crystal meth — do to the human psyche and body. Considering all the Adderall and Ritalin over-prescribed to kids and adults along the rampant use of meth in the streets, notably in the U.S and Europe, I was curious. First as a psychonaut. Second, as a way to learn. The following are the findings. As I often do, I made a story out of them rather than sounding like a news reportage, to make it more enjoyable for you and for myself. 

My own experience with uppers began when I came from Egypt to California to attend a few summer courses at UCLA. Being 19, I was still fresh and eager to experiment. Upon arrival to Los Angeles I only knew an ex who happened to be seeing this guy who was into “speed”. For five days I was smoking it through a glass pipe as I was instructed. Though sometimes I sniffed the white powder and I remember how it would always hurt my nose. In terms of route of administration and bio-availability, smoking is more potent than sniffing while weaker than injecting. 

As a stimulant, on speed I was up, alert, and focused while not looking much like I was on anything. Just ultra sober, one could say. There wasn’t a lot of eating, and something I notably remember enjoying was driving while blasting techno-electronic music — usually following the Pacific Ocean coast through Malibu. Then back to the dorms in Westwood by 5 or 6 am. Other symptoms were increased pulse and heart rate leading to increase in blood pressure, enlarged pupils, hyperactivity, talkativeness, some light-headedness, and of course, insomnia.

It was quite the experience for younger me. Though after having briefly tried ecstasy and cocaine already, “speed” seemed like it turned me into some kind of robot. There was no feeling of eternal love or empathy or any connectedness with nature or the universe as one gets with MDMA among other psychedelics; it didn’t even have the warmth of codeine, which was another reference point to my developing mind. It also rarely made me feel like wanting to dance to the music I was listening to — even though I was enjoying the listening.

By the end of those five or six days I had already lost about 10 pounds. This was when I came to agree with the common reputation: Speed is a cheap high. In my mind then I bundled it with something like crack as it was registered as not an enjoyable recreational fun. The conclusion reached was that I need more than just some added energy, to put it simply. 

On that same upper note, before that trip I had already heard from former students how they used OTC caffeine pills called NoDoze to stay awake and study before the exams. I might have tried them once or twice, to study. But that was that.

Also in L.A I came across a few girls who were looking for speed. It was when I first began noticing how this class of drugs is preferred by females who enjoy the added energy along the appetite-suppressant quality. I equally learned it’s commonly used by students, truck drivers, and high-intensity workers. In Egypt, truck drivers did opium for the same stimulating effect.

Need for Speed

Throughout the following years in late 90s Egypt, I came to try speed several times with friends. Some would bring a bit from London or the U.S, and we would usually do it when there was nothing else to hit. It was like the cheaper coke.

For me as well as for many of my generation, THE party drug was ecstasy, commonly known as X, E,  Ex, Eve; later in north America MDMA (3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine) specifically came to be known as Molly. Apparently, the meth scene then followed through, coming to the limelight in the late 90s.

Around the same days I remember once a girl in our group telling us about a medication called Tenuate Dospan (Diethylpropion), generically known as Amfepramone. Those were weight loss pills commonly used by middle age women as an appetite suppressant. “When you take enough, it will make you feel like cleaning the house at 3 am while listening to music”. Before the Internet, words of mouth and semi-blind trust were all we had.

In the UK, T.D were dubbed ‘Chalkies’ or ‘Tombstones’. In Egypt, the drug was almost unknown to anyone except some housewives and mothers along very few experienced druggies. 

Other related worldwide brand names are Anorex, Linea, Nobesine, Prefamone, Regenon, Tepanil.

As I came to find out — bless the Internet — Tenuate is a stimulant drug of the phenethylamine, amphetamine, and cathinone classes. To feel its speedy effects you needed at least five pills. The couple of times we did them we took six or eight. While we did go out clubbing and dancing one of those nights, there was, again, no empathetic sensations or warmth. Just energy and that feeling that everything is alright, which is not a bad sensation. But I was still looking for more enriching experiences. 

This led to taking ecstasy four days in a row with the same group of friends during one trip to the Red Sea... before realising that it’s not how it’s properly done. 

After 20 years I was able to locate them online and finally know what they were/are

I think this was when I began developing psychonautical tendency, compared to purely recreational use of psychoactive substances. A psychonaut is literally a “sailor of the soul/spirit/mind”; from the Greek ψυχή (psychē “soul/spirit/mind”) and ναύτης (naútēs “sailor/navigator”). The difference is that there is a certain desire to learn and grow from these experiences. When a psychonaut goes through enough with a certain tool, they tend to outgrow it. You learn whatever is there to be learned and move on to different tools with which you explore your psyche in order to gain newer insights.

The gained perspective is either for spiritual purposes or for the exploration of the human condition or both. A
psychonaut is also he or she who refers to a methodology for describing and explaining the subjective effects of altered states of consciousness, including those induced by meditation, sensory deprivation, or archaic and modern use of mind-altering substances — particularly entheogens (Hallucinogens).

Another thing with uppers specifically and myself personally is that I naturally always had the extra energy and ability to focus, which many people seem to chase when doing this class of drugs. Such heightened awareness made me speak fast, walk fast, and think fast. In fact, when I talk about something I’m passionate about or when telling a story, some people whisper in my ear “are you on blow? Do you have some?” True story.

That said, the following 13-14 years were spent away from purely speedy stuff — experimenting with all the other classes and substances, like psychedelics, barbiturates, even some cocaine and ecstasy on occasions. After a few years, the main drug of choice became opiates along weed and hash — probably to slow myself down. This toxic lifestyle eventually ended with a seven-year heroin addiction.

Afterwards, I left it all behind and headed to Canada which became the ultimate detox. A couple of years later there I had to chance to try Adderall once or twice. A friend of this girl was prescribed some and she gave us a few. This was the first pharmaceutical speed to try after Tenuate Dospan many years before — at least in a pill form. And again, I was just up and energised. I already had an idea so I was drinking wine and smoking up. I also took a pill or two, which didn’t really take me to any special place. 

After a few years in Canada my journey led me to Los Angeles. I had completely recovered by then and was in my best shape in aeons, psychologically as well as physically. Due to significantly more interaction here, I came to notice how amphetamines and meth/crystal meth are spread around, between seemingly regular people and street folks alike. Since I have no intention in “speeding” things up — because they are already pretty fast — I never sought to try it again.

The first time I saw someone lucidly highlight the similarities between both these drugs was in a video of Carl Hart, a professor of neuroscience and psychology at Columbia University. The interesting is that the man is a former user himself.

In his book, High Price: A Neuroscientist’s Journey of Self-Discovery That Challenges Everything You Know About Drugs and Society, Hart exposes “Why are meth and crack cocaine believed to be such horrifyingly devastating drugs, while cocaine and Adderall are often seen as recreational drugs of high society.” This caught my attention because it was what I first believed. It became the main motivator to educate myself more on the subject rather than believing the mainstream hype.

You can watch a video interview with the man at the end of this exposé. You can also check his TedMed Talk titled: Let’s quit abusing drug users.

Vyvanse (Lisdexamfetamine) is an amphetamine prescribed to treat ADHD and binge-eating disorder

I then came across a notable story through a pretty young woman I met. At one point, she confessed that her father is a meth head and that he was the first to shoot her with it. Yep. She got hooked for a while but then cleaned up. 

She further shared that her ex-husband is also meth head; and that one day her three-year old daughter came back from a visit to her father with a needle in her foot. Aouch! 

Another story is of a woman in her late 40s who was coming to L.A for a vacation. Last time we met was one wild night more than ten years prior, so reuniting was quite the experience. Before arriving, she asked me to look for a doctor who can prescribe XYZ, a certain appetite suppressant amphetamine. This was when I was once again reminded by how some women just love to be chemically up there.

But perhaps when mentioning the word “Meth” today, the show Breaking Bad is what first comes to the minds of many. Funnily enough, I never watched it, despite a few friends telling me I have to. I had already stopped watching TV by the time the show became a hit, but I could have always downloaded it. Honestly, I was at a time my life when I regaining my health after years of leading a toxic lifestyle and wasn’t that excited to get into a show about a class of drug I don’t even fancy. So I never did. As a result, I lacked the basics about this drug.

As such, with all these stories and epidemic I reckoned that I have never actually tried meth. Looking at before and after Faces of Meth photos was enough to deter me from the whole idea — despite finding out later on that it is more of a media stereotype and that many meth heads do not look like those photos at all. These methed up faces are not a direct side effect of the drug, but it is due to the harsh lifestyle itself some users often lead when neglecting proper diet and hygiene. I already knew the same about heroin addiction, though apparently it is the same hype to scare people from meth.

Nevertheless, I have already gone through seven years of addiction and was able to beat it. So obviously getting into something which seems even more dangerous than heroin was not even an option. That’s all in addition to the fact that uppers are not really my kind of high. 

Then again, trying it once at this age wouldn’t be the end of the world. For the sake of research and for knowing. Or so this experimentalist psychonaut thought. So basically, it was mere curiosity lacking the enthusiasm. This led to never trying to find or score any meth. Eventually I thought it’s a convenient time to do my research in order to better learn about both amphetamines and methamphetamines: Their history. What they really are. What they do. And what are the differences and similarities between them. So I started digging.
Amphetamine first marketed in 1933 as a decongestant in the United States by Smith, Kline & French

As the names suggest, there is a clear similarity between amphetamine, methamphetamine, and crystal methamphetamine. While these stimulant drugs are closely related as they share the same chemical base along some qualities and characteristics, the process they undergo significantly alters how they effect us. 

Amphetamine was first developed in 1887 in Germany. The more potent and easier to synthesise methamphetamine followed in Japan in 1919. In World War II, both drugs were used extensively by the Allied and Axis forces for their performance-enhancing effects and were administered to soldiers to help them stay alert and awake. Japanese Kamikaze pilots were also known to be given high doses of methamphetamine before their suicide missions; millions of Japanese defense workers and civilians used them as well. Following WW II, combat forces around the world kept using stimulants for the added stamina and physical motivation. 

Not just the forces, but historical figures like Hitler and later John F. Kennedy also took speed. The latter was under the supervision of German physician Max Jacobson “Dr. Feelgood” who provided JFK with amphetamines along mood-modulating steroids (for his Addison’s disease) as well as meperidine (Demerol), methadone (Dolophine), and methylphenidate (Ritalin). 

Like opium, morphine, heroin and cocaine before the 1920s, amphetamines were also sold over-the-counter
before being discontinued due to high potential for abuse and dependence

The Benzedrine decongestant was the first ever pharmaceutical containing amphetamine — with an equal parts mixture of levoamphetamine and dextroamphetamine. It was then followed by Benzedrine sulfate pills which were introduced three years later. The pills, colloquially known as Bennies, were marketed as a kind of cure-all medication and dispensed for a variety of conditions; from narcolepsy, obesity, low blood pressure, low libido, chronic pain to colic and migraines.

At the time, speed became such a big hit, it was used recreationally and was repeatedly referenced in culture through literature and music.

The Beat Generation’s writers and poets were big fans, mainly of Benzedrine. Jack Kerouac is one of those who particularly enjoyed getting zonked on it. Apart from Kerouac’s novel On the Road, references were also found in William S. Burroughs’s Junky, Allen Ginsberg’s memoir poem Howl, and in Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar.

Other examples are Ian Fleming’s James Bond who used the Benzedrine inhaler at times of peak stress. Elton John’s Bennie and the Jets — with “Bennie” being an allusion to Benzedrine while “Jets” an allusion to speed. Also in “Wet Sand” by Red Hot Chili Peppers, and R.E.M’s “What’s the Frequency, Kenneth?.

Due to amphetamine becoming a controlled substance, Benzedrine was replaced by propylhexedrine, marketed under the name Benzedrex and Obesin (in Europe) among others. As a methamphetamine analogue, Benzedrex is known as a nasal decongestant, appetite suppressant, and psychostimulant medication. 

When the patent of Benzedrine was about to lapse around 1949, GlaxoSmithKline company introduced Dexedrine as its successor. Dexedrine is a dextroamphetamine which was initially used to treat depression. In high enough doses the drug increases the production of norepinephrine and dopamine in the brain, both of which cause the same fight or flight response in the user.

At start, Dexedrine didnt achieve the same levels of popularity as Benzedrine. When users, however, began reporting its weight loss properties, it became an overnight success. By 1955 SKF was making sales of $12 million per year.

Amusingly, with all the Z and X I’m reminded by something I have written a while ago:

Xgeva, Xanax, Xtandi, Xalkori, Effexor, Dexedrine, Benzedrex, Desoxyn, Zaltrap, Zyprexa, Zykadia, Zelboraf, Zyrtec, Zytiga, Zestril, Zocor, Zantac, Zoloft, Zyban, Otezla, Benzedrine. Pharmaceutical companies choose to add the letters ‘X’ and ‘Z’ to the names of their meds so that we find them compleX and believe they know what they’re talking about. 

Now three more names are added to my little joke.

In 1971, the last non-prescription inhaler was removed from the U.S. market following the passage of the Controlled Substances Act of 1970.

While Dexedrine is still available today, its use became quite limited. Now the common amphetamine medications are commercially known as Adderall, Ritalin, and Concerta. They all have medical uses and have been/still are prescribed by physicians for a variety of conditions. Being psychostimulants, these medications increase metabolism, therefore are included into weight loss aids. Amphetamines also have the ability to increase focus and heighten mental clarity, thus prescribed to those with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), ADD, as well as for narcolepsy (sleep disorder).

As a matter of fact, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, ADHD. diagnosis in children has increased to 11 percent in 2011 from 7.8 percent in 2003 — a staggering 41 percent increase. Also by 2011, 6.1 percent of young people were prescribed some stimulant or the other — a 28 percent increase since 2007.

But perhaps what was most disturbing is finding out that more than 10,000 toddlers at ages 2 and 3 were taking these drugs: That is, “far outside any established pediatric guidelines,” as professor of clinical psychiatry, Richard A. Friedman put it.

To get a tad more specific concerning the umbrella term ‘amphetamine’, Ritalin (Methylphenidate Hcl), like Concerta, is a dopamine reuptake inhibitor (RI); whereas Adderall (Dextroamphetamine-Amphetamine) is both a dopamine releasing agent and a reuptake inhibitor.

The difference is that Adderall increases dopamine signalling more than Ritalin does; and generally speaking, it is considered stronger and more stimulating. It also has a longer half-life and may feels smoother to many. While Adderall is considered more addictive, Ritalin has more adverse side effects, particularly during long-term use.

Understandably, people with different brain chemistry and wiring react differently to different drugs. But common positive effects of stimulants are elevated mood, decreased hostility, improved mental function. For those who actually need it, and not just seeking a recreational high, it slows down that “constant chatter of noise in their minds, the nervousness, the worry, the panic,” as worded by a user. For ADHD, prescribed amphetamines appear to improve brain development and nerve growth.

 It keeps them focused and on task.

As mentioned, amphetamines do enhance performance and increase stamina and motivation. Not just cognitive performance, especially at low or moderate doses, but physical as well. Other than students, some athletes and soldiers use it for its psychological and athletic effects such as increased endurance and alertness, despite being illegal in many competitions.   

Nonetheless, some doctors consider attention deficit disorder (ADD) and attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) to be sort of fictitious diseases. This includes Dr. Leon Eisenberg, the “inventor” or “father” of (ADD) and (ADHD) himself who uttered just that during his last interview with German weekly Der Spiegel seven months before his death. If you Google it, however, you will be swamped with all sorts of articles and heated debates from both sides of the spectrum.

On the other hand of amphetamines, we have Methamphetamine. From a pharmacological perspective, the substance has no known medical uses and is almost always used recreationally. The only exception is a form of methamphetamine hydrochloride manufactured and sold under the brand name Desoxyn — a central nervous system stimulant, used mostly to treat severe cases of ADHD, obesity, and narcolepsy which are non-responsive to other treatments.

Due to its potency, neurotoxicity, addictive nature, risk of withdrawals, and stigma associated with being almost like a younger brother of crystal meth, Desoxyn is rarely prescribed. In fact, not all countries allow dispensing its prescriptions — relying instead on other medications for ADHD. Where allowed, it is used as an ultimate last resort.

“Meth” sold in the streets is called Beannies, Chalk, Crank, Speed. The powder or pills can either be snorted, smoked, or injected.

DesoXYn is another drug name to be added to my joke.

The only pharmaceutical Methamphetamine

Then lastly, there is Crystal Meth — a crystallised form of methamphetamine. This is solely a street drug which is used recreationally and never prescribed. It is manufactured in clandestine labs and used illegally. It usually comes in the form of crystalline rocks which are either smoked or injected. Crystal meth is often referred to as ‘ice’, ‘crystal’, ‘crank’ and ‘glass’.

 Taking into account the regional and cultural differences, other street names include: Crissy, Tina, Shards, Go, Whizz, Dope. Also Blue devils, Chalk, CR, Fast, Mexican crack, Pink, Rock, Speckled birds.

Even though both meth and crystal meth are used for different purposes, they are fundamentally the same thing: The chemical n-methyl, 1- phenyl-propane, 2-amine is called methamphetamine or for short, meth. In its crystalline form, it becomes crystal meth. So chemically they are the same, but their structural makeup is different, varying in form and levels of purity. Though both drugs can be safely classified as “meth”.

One term related to meth is ‘tweaking’. For a meth head, it follows other stages beginning with the ‘rush’, then the ‘high’, and then more binging. Tweaking is the period when the body and psyche stop responding to the drug anymore, usually after bingeing and staying up for days at a time, with minimal to no food. Normally, it is followed by crashing — sleeping — which could take up to a few days for the body to recover from the binge.

Another related finding is that both amphetamine and methamphetamine are used recreationally as euphoriants and aphrodisiacs — with methamphetamine being the more common recreational drug due to precursor availability and relative ease to manufacture.

As a potent aphrodisiac, euphoriant, and stimulant, there exists an entire subculture known as Party-n-Play based on mixing meth with sex. Generally speaking, it often describes gay men who meet through the Internet to engage in high-risk sexual activity. While PnP is the terminology associated with North America for the phenomenon, ‘chemsex’ is the term used for such type of gay sex scene in Britain and the rest of Europe. Other drugs used in the same scene as sexual stimulators are Mephedrone, GHB, and GBL. 

When broken, the crystals turn into powder

Now after knowing what they essentially are and how almost identical they can appear, let us review the slight differences between amphetamines and methamphetamines.

Scientifically speaking, amphetamine is known as methylated phenylethylamine. When methylated twice instead of once, it becomes meth amphetamine. Despite their similar structure and being almost identical in nature, this small, double-process chemical step renders meth significantly faster acting, more potent, more addictive, and therefore has more potential for abuse than amphetamine. The high also lasts longer. 

Their legal status is another difference. Under the Controlled Substances Act, amphetamines are Schedule III drugs — those with known or accepted medical use — while meth is scheduled II. Funny enough, marijuana, LSD and mushrooms still remain Schedule I along with heroin.

Nevertheless, both drugs cause “euphoria” and a “well-being” sensation due to the increased release of norepinephrine and dopamine in the brain. This release of pleasure chemicals stimulates the brain’s reward centre, enticing the user to continue using. As tolerance develops one constantly craves increasing levels of the drug. Apparently the dopamine levels on meth are much higher than that on cocaine or heroin.

As with other dangerous drugs, after prolonged use the brain’s chemistry changes. With meth specifically, one of the changes is the blocking of dopamine released in the brain. Abuse or prolonged use can lead to exhibiting properties which are detrimental to one’s mental health and physical well-being.

All that said, both amphetamines and meth can easily lead to physical dependence and withdrawal symptoms are experienced following constant habitual usage. But as we have seen, meth will get one there much faster. 

“Drugs Are Bad, Mkay

I hold that when we don’t force or obsess about things they just happen. So one day out of the blue as I was giving a local homeless acquaintance some clothes, he handed me a small baggie with some white powder in it — as a thank you. How adorable. 

This wasn’t our first interaction as I had been sharing food, change, and words with him for a while. I didn’t say much and when I went home I took it out of my pocket, wondering what it might be. Knowing that the guy does meth, I reckoned it must be it. 

The baggie stayed there in my drawer for about three days when one afternoon I thought “Why not”. I had no idea how potent or weak the powder is. But being only two small lines, I decided to check for myself. One was up. Followed by some burning sensation. When five or seven minutes later I was alright, I took the second. 

In about a couple of minutes I could tell it was a legit substance. Some energy with slight euphoria coupled with that same ability to focus.

The day was spent normally, between reading and writing; but I was quite energised and kept going until 3 am. Watching porn was astonishingly enjoyable because one is highly focused and can last for hours. The thing is that you are not in it for the ejaculation, but all else before it. So it can turn into a sort of chemical Tantric sex. No wonder PnP is a thing.

When I finally got into bed I remained wide awake. No tripping or anything, just up. It was actually surprising to see how those two small lines would still keep me awake after 12 hours. But they did. Also no wonder writers using uppers can finish a book or a movie in a few days.

To get a perspective, the effects of a small line of cocaine may last for 30 minutes. Those two small ones for a maximum of one hour. So one can only imagine the potency of that substance. Then again, while the high is close to that of coke, somehow you’re not quite as up there, clarity wise. 

About a few weeks later, a friend came to visit from out of town. He shared that he had been recently prescribed Adderall after going through a sort of drug-induced psychosis following a few rough life events. I could tell he was ‘high’ from his merry, talkative mood as I could also tell he went through a whole lot and needed to vent to someone who would dig.

He then offered to share some of his meds. Knowing that things just come across me whenever I don’t seek them, I agreed to play along. I was also pleasantly surprised of the timing as I was already mid-writing this piece and was looking for as much research and experience as possible.

The stimulant effects of the ‘high’ were actually enjoyable. Probably because I had another head with me and not alone as I often am, which made the interaction, talking, and listening a fun experience. Due to the relatively low dose — also about two lines — it was also conveniently short-lived. I was actually able to have dinner an hour later and sleep came naturally about two hours after that.
 Catch Wreck‘s ADHD project album cover by Jacob Leidolf

To finalise this lengthy exposé, which technically took almost three years to compile, there was only one thing missing. While Google may have almost all the answers, in order to reach a wholesome view, direct experience is something that will always add to the scriptures. With that in mind, I once again took to the streets to learn even more. My best, and perhaps also more convenient bet was to go back to the same man, which I did, despite taking me a few days to locate him.

Once there, equipped with all the newly acquired knowledge about the world of uppers as well as a pen and paper, I sat on the ground next to him and began asking some questions. There was another homeless guy who joined our interview. In fact, it was him who answered most questions as my guy was nodding and a bit out of it.

Are amphetamines like Adderall and Ritalin sold in the street in Los Angeles?

Meh. There are a few people who seek them and those who sell them, but Meth is dominating. 

Because Meth is stronger?

Yes it is.

Now when you say Meth, do you mean crystal meth or methamphetamine — because according to the findings they are two distinct substances despite being quite similar? 

They are pretty much the same but they come in different forms. Some are sold by locals, while others by gang members.

But the crystals can be stronger and more expensive?

Yes, ice’ is. There is this website called where everything you’ll need to know is there. So what did you do?

Cool. Well, in my days I did heroin for seven years among many other drugs, but speed was the type I never delved much into, so I’m trying to learn more for a piece I’m putting together.  

I’ve been on heroin for 14 years. Now I do both together.

*This actually surprised me due to him looking like he’s in his mid-late 20s.

You shoot them together or one after the other? Is the high close to speedball (heroin + cocaine)?

Together. Yes, its a whole different high and there is actually a whole subculture now into this mix. The upper and the downer together takes you places.

I bet they do. Thank you, guys. Stay safe and goodnight.

Looking at both their faces, I once again wondered if Faces of Meth is taken totally out of proportions. They both are clean and look pretty smooth. And those are meth heads living in the streets.

Stimulants and Empathogens

Since those Tenured Dospan when I was 20, I never took enough speed to be spun. I did experience with a whole lot of other consciousness enhancers. But those recent small speedy doses were enough to remember why I personally do not really fancy being sped up. Let alone having those uppers as a drug of choice.

The subjective conclusion is that it once again seems to this psychonaut that the primary use of amphetamine and methamphetamine is to enhance performance. Whether for work or study — or to go to war or compete. They are like vitamins, or reinforcers if you will. Not much recreational. 

Recreationally, if I wanted a psychoactive substance to, say, dance, I would still choose MDMA. If to go up, then blow it would be as it is of purer quality than speed. If I wanted to trip it will be psychedelics. Even Ketamin wins in my head. But, if I were seeking energy and a certain mental clarity, then stimulants it will be. This, of course, remains a matter of opinion.

Conversely, that is not to say the extra energy, the stamina, motivation, stimulation, mental clarity, attention to details exhibited through ingesting stimulants do not make a difference. Because they do. I would actually be lying if I said my writing haven’t been occasionally enhanced by some upper or another. Then again, after those past two decades I can confidently state they are still not the preferred kind of high. I’m happy to have experienced their effects throughout my life, even if briefly and with low-to-moderate doses, without actually seeking or getting hooked on them.

Another gained insight is that the dirtier, more potent street meth felt like heroin compared to the pharmaceutical amphetamine which felt like opioid medications such as hydrocodone or oxycodone. Due to whatever they are mixed with, if you ask any real junkie they would tell you that in general the high of street drugs happens to be stronger, sometimes even more enjoyable than pharma-grade substances.

So as we have seen, like almost all powerful drugs, neither methamphetamine nor amphetamine are really safe for use. But amphetamines are included in some prescription medications, hence they can be safe, especially when used as prescribed and under supervision or direct medical attention. Then again, just a hundred years ago cocaine and heroin were considered safe and legally sold.

On the other hand, it is common knowledge that, like opioids, stimulant medications in general are being over-prescribed, to adults and to children. The latter are being diagnosed, labeled, and medicated at an alarming higher-than-ever rate. Perhaps a portion of them are just kids being themselves — daydreaming, losing focus and attention at times, getting bored in class, occasionally exhibiting impulsive behaviour. Perhaps they are not all mentally diseased needing chemical aids like speed and meth. 

Health is wealth, you see. Without sounding preachy, to be dependent on a substance or the other means losing a part of freedom. So stay clean if you can. If you choose to do drugs or to get on certain medication, or give it to someone including a child or adolescent, educate yourself first before taking the decision. With the amount of disinformation currently spread throughout the Internet and mass media, along how the world of Big Pharma works, there is no other way than to be our own researchers. Knowledge is indeed power and it may save a life. Stay Awakened.


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Sunday, 4 March 2018

OLS Reflections पचपन

  • Seeing yourself as half a person who can only become whole through being completed by another half is a waste of essence and potential. It is the greatest of illusions as it is an inevitable way to spend your entire life feeling incomplete and insecure. If you must, seek another awakened whole so that you may amplify your wholeness together.

  • Learning how to love yourself is the best thing you can do to yourself as well as to others.

  • Watching a child dance to the beats of the drum is one of the dearest sights to my eyes and heart. These little ones have not been taught yet, so it comes out all naturally and instinctively.

  • Believe that you unknowingly inspire others just by being yourself; that you can make a difference. And it will happen.

  • Having a loving affinity towards women in all their varied shapes and forms and colours is not a weakness as it’s sometimes portrayed; it’s a strength.

  • Our task in Life is to liberate ourselves by enlarging our circle of compassion towards all Earthlings as well as towards Nature. The way to do it is through self-actualisation — to “Know Thyself”. All the rest will then fall into place.

  • Be exceptionally good at being yourself so that those around you feel comfortable being their own exceptional selves. This is how we subconsciously bring out the best in others.

  • The highest form of truth is not spoken through words; it is experienced through being. 

  • The more I meet women who are liberated in their minds and souls and capable of doing what they feel is right without caring much about outside factors, the more I realise why it had never really worked with those who are neither liberated nor capable.

  • Good teachers may show you where to look, but will not tell what to see. All they do is open the door. Simply because you must enter yourself. For no one can walk the path for you. It’s your journey and it’s your truth to be discovered.

    Great teachers open the door just a little at a time. They are aware the disciple needs to gradually absorb and process the knowledge in order to reach a fuller, more wholesome understanding; to make the knowledge their own, to become part of their own truth, integrated into their lives.

    As such, great teachers are cognisant that induction is a gradual process which must take its due time if it were to be successful. Through leaving the door slightly open, these masters are able to lure and trigger the receptiveness to learning within their students and help them develop it without forcing it or scaring them or confounding them. But on the contrary, allowing them the space to conceive and perceive at their own pace while keeping them curious for more.

    What makes great teachers is that they are all great learners to begin with. They know that we learn by teaching as much as we teach by learning. Not only are they constantly curious to learn about their subjects, about the most effective ways of teaching them, and about their students, but they have the capacity, openness, and willingness to keep learning about themselves as well — developing from themselves as they grow through life. The more they do so, the more they can lucidly communicate their own experiences in a way which opens up even more doors to explore for the disciple. ⠀


OLS Reflections

OLS Reflections Deux

OLS Reflections Vier

OLS Reflections Khamsa

OLS Reeflections Yedi

OLS Reflections 八

OLS Reflections Ten

OLS Reflections Onze

OLS Reflections 13

OLS Reflections Quince

OLS Reflections Sixteen

OLS Reflections Dix-Huit

OLS Reflections تسعة عشر

OLS Reflections Veinte Uno

OLS Reflections 22

OLS Reflections Dreiundzwanzig

OLS Reflections Twenty-Four

OLS Reflections Vingt-Six

OLS Reflections Ventisette

OLS Reflections Veintinueve
OLS Reflections 30

OLS Reflections Einunddreißig

OLS Reflections  إثنان وثلاثون

OLS Reflections Thirty-Three

OLS Reflections Trentaquattro

OLS Reflections 37

OLS Reflections Trente-Neuf

OLS Reflections Forty  

OLS Reflections Einundvierzig

OLS Reflections — The Spiritual Edition 

OLS Reflections Cuarenta y Cuatro

OLS Reflections 45

OLS Reflections Quarantasette

OLS Reflections — The Unpublished Edition

OLS Reflections Forty-Nine

OLS Reflections 50 

OLS Reflections Cincuenta y Dos

OLS Reflections Cinquantaquattro


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Tuesday, 13 February 2018

Why Some Women Point Their Feet When Aroused

Whenever writing about a heavy topic or scattered between multiple pieces, I sometimes let myself drift. First, as a break. Second, to stir up the creative juices, which helps with any blocks. And finally, just to see what happens. I still write, but the topics end up being of a more lighthearted nature, allowing some balance into the equation. The following article was inspired by a lustful and stimulating recent encounter.

Have you ever noticed how some women sensually point their feet and toes like a ballerina whenever they are aroused? Some of us did wonder about this appealing form of body language, which many men have a fondness for. For them, it’s a clear indicator that the women are truly into it. Let alone how it seems to be associated with femininity and seductiveness.

Being a personal turn-on, I was curious to know more. And as usual, bless the Internet: The questions and answers are found right there on different websites and forums. 

Let me first state that feet-pointing is not to be confused with another sign of heartfelt sexual arousal, toe-curling. Pointing involves stretching the calves muscles while extending ankles, feet and toes forward. This appears to be more natural, elegant, and graceful than the out of control, seizure-like clenching and curling. Nevertheless, a toe-curling orgasm remains highly sought after.

But in fact, feet/toes pointing is not solely linked to sex or porn. For it goes deeper than that as it is related to beauty and aesthetics. It is actually seen in photographs of nude or sports models who almost always do it in order to appear more appealing and desirable. The main reason the feet are pointed it is because it makes the leg looks longer, hence younger and more attractive.

Essentially, this “beauty standard” is why high heels exist in the first place. It is also why women still wear them even when they aren’t that comfortable.

It is worth nothing that feet pointing is not a female-only phenomenon. Some males, too, experience it during sexual intercourse and while orgasming. Though among men, toe-curling remains more common than the ballerina-like pointing.

During sex, this feminine “en pointe” as it’s called in ballet terms is usually seen when women are feeling ecstatic and almost out of control. One position displaying the feet’s curved arches with toes pointing forward is when they are lying on their backs with legs up and apart whether straight-out open, over the shoulders, or with knees bent inward while resting on the partner’s back. Another is when lying flat on their stomach with bent knees and upwards calves and legs.

Pointed feet do not show much when lying down with full body straight on the bed as there is not enough space for the feet to stretch. As for being on all four, it is not the easiest position to lift the calves, but not impossible.

While it may differ in degrees, women point their feet during penetration, while receiving oral sex, as well as while masturbating. 
And what a delightfully erotic sight that is.

It makes you want to suck their toes, which makes them point them even more,” wrote one commentator. It actually does. 

I seriously thought I was the only guy alive that had this, man. I’m actually kinda relieved I’m not the only one,” wrote another.

Nom Nom Nom and a big juicy Thank You for the inspiration

In general, gestures with our feet are a powerful form of body language

. It is no wonder that many are drawn to feet as they find them particularly sexy. Also that foot/toes jobs, freaks, and fetishes exist in abundance. In actuality, foot fetishism is the most common form of sexual fetishism for otherwise non-sexual objects or body parts.

As you may have guessed, foot fetishism is more prevalent in men than women. Perhaps the very fact that women’s feet are usually soft and smooth and more beautiful looking — even more lickable, suckable, and edible — has something to do with it. Or plainly, perhaps because men are natural perverts. 

While women feet get lots of attention, their legs as well get their fair share. Why Japanese Females Have Bowlegs is an earlier piece which surprisingly became the most read on One lucky Soul.

While there is no one single answer to why women point their feet when sexually excited, a suggested idea is that it has to do with the tightening of the muscles; either during intercourse — when enjoying it — or right before and/or while achieving climax.

According to some women, it helps them reach a better, more intense orgasm. So they learned how to point their feet as they get there.

Others mention that they cannot cum without stretching their muscles; and when the leg muscles are stretched, the ankles, feet and toes naturally point forward. It occurs either consciously or subconsciously. 

A second theory is “spinal stimulation”; as a reason to stimulate blood flow to the lower body and genital area. Though there is no real evidence to support it. 

An additional possibility is that women who do point their feet/toes during sex have already
considered how they look without pointing them and are aware of the gained allure. Think of how flat, unpointed feet with no arches would look like in a ceiling mirror above the bed when all is showing are flat heels. Not as feminine or seductive. Based on prior observation, it could have stemmed from a premeditated conscious decision. 

Not all women are toe-pointers. While for some the feet and toes remain unaffected by sex, the opposite occurs for others who show sloppy “unpointed” feet — which again does not seem to be particularly sexy.

Having always been a fan, over the years I came to observe a correlation between how sensual, provocative, and physically fit the women are and the likelihood of pointing their feet during intercourse. The healthier and more flexible and sexy, the more likely they will do it. Believe it or not, this is only mildly related to the body weight and type.

 A lot of it got to do with the mindset. A reminder of the fact that the whole essence of being sexy lies in the confidence coming from knowing that you are sexy.

As we have seen, feet/toes pointing is considered to be one of those unwritten rules of lust, beauty, and aesthetics. It is done by certain women to accentuate their sexual allure as well as to better the coitus and their orgasms — consciously in some cases and subconsciously in others.

Apart from the alluring, provocative visual aspect, for a significant number of men it’s an indicator that she is into the experience and is out of control, which is what turns them on. It also does happen to some males.

When I told the inspiring muse about this article, she eloquently shared: “For me, it’s an overwhelming involuntary response to pure pleasure and amazing chemistry sensations. Like a reflex.

Now we know. 
Whether you have been swept off your feet or are head over heels, keep them pointed.

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Sunday, 21 January 2018

Words I Made Up — The Thirteenth

  • Bwitch (n): An overbearingly unpleasant sorceress.

  • Jill-Babs (name): A feminine given name common between traditional Arab immigrants who adhere to a certain religious dress code.

  • Paul Vault (n): A track and field sport in which people named Paul use a long, flexible post to jump over a horizontal bar.

  • Paul Volt (n): A sport in which people named Paul jump in a sudden motion after being electrocuted. 

  • Pantsylvania (n): A northeastern U.S state where everyone wears trousers at all times.

  • Cardadad (n): A spice made from the seeds of several plants in the ginger family solely used by fathers who cook. 

  • Dysfunkional (adj): Unable to deal or operate adequately unless listening to a style of rhythmic dance music of African American origin based on elements of soul, jazz, and R&B.

  • Trendscend (v): To go beyond or surpass all fashions and styles.

  • Feettuccini (n): An egg and flour pasta made flat by stepping on it.

  • Bae leaves (n): Aromatic leaves of several plants used by young people when cooking for their boyfriends or girlfriends.

“Don’t gobblefunk around with words.”
― Roald Dahl


Words I Made Up

Words I Made Up — The Sequel

Words I Made Up — The Threequel

Words I Made Up — The Fourquel

Words I Made Up — The Fifthquel

Words I Made Up — The Sixquel  

Words I Made Up — The Seventhquel

Words I Made Up — The Eightquel

Words I Made Up — The Ninthquel

Words I Made Up — The Tenthquel

Words I Made Up — The Eleventhquel

Words I Made Up — The Twelfthquel
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Wednesday, 17 January 2018

Izzy The Egyptian American Doggo [Video]

Dogs I get to spend time and connect with always have a special place in my heart. Because their lives are quite short, every once in a while I hear the news about one of them passing on to Doggo Heaven. Recently it was Shay the Saint Bernard, before that was my own Caramella, and sadly this time it’s Izzy, or Izabella, who belonged to my second cousin Teymour.

Luckily, though, I shoot and keep a whole lot of photos and videos; many of which are of those lovable canines. When they are gone, these memories serve well by reminding us of how great it was to have such faithful companions in our lives, even if for a relatively short time. Other than a few photos, there is also a video at the end of the article which I created out of some footage of Izzy.

Izzy’s story begins in 2004 in the streets of Cairo, Egypt as a tiny abandoned half Baladi-half Husky puppy. Baladi is the Egyptian word for stray, which literally means my country; it could also be used as a derogatory term meaning vulgar or lacking in taste.

Teymour was visiting from Michigan when he found her all alone under a car in Maadi, so he rescued and took her home. Around the same time, he would come hang out at my place and ended up spending a few nights, along with Izzy. She was so small and helpless, that I didn’t really mind her regular pee stains and tiny poopies around the house, even though the guy was always cleaning up behind her and apologising. 

I remember we called one of the local vets, Dr. Rafik, who issued a certificate stating that she’s younger than six-weeks old. Then called the airport to inquire about the procedure, and they said that no extra paper work is needed due to the
young age. That was simply it and off they both went. He took her to Michigan and started a new life together. A rescued Egyptian stray just immigrating and becoming American. A dream coming true to many humans. Kudos to Teymour.

T and pup Izzy fresh off Maadi’s streets, 2004

Fast-forwading to almost 10 years in February 2014 when I went to visit T in Michigan. It was one harsh winter; my loving dog had recently passed away, I had to leave Canada after three years of visa renewal, and the relationship I was in didn’t seem like it had any future. I had began writing the book and had no other option than to just keep going. So I got on the road coddiwompling across America for a few months before ending up in Venice Beach in Los Angeles. 

But before that I got to spend about six days with Teymour and Izzy. There wasn’t too many things to do in Birmingham, Michigan, especially without a car, and especially in such cold. So in the mornings T would go to work and I spend the entire day at home with the dog. A lot of time to connect.

The night I first arrived she was showing her teeth, something she usually did according to T. Nothing too aggressive, but untrusting. She obviously didn’t remember me as she was literally three or four weeks old back then.

Being alone in the house with a dog person who was tremendously missing his recently departed dog meant that there was lots of contact and body language play between us. Eventually I gained her trust, but it was a gradual process.

Assessing the situation,
the first thing to consider was her breed. She is a Baladi stray dog after all, even though also being a Huskey mix. Those wild ones are pack-oriented and tend to get territorial; without enough time socialising with humans as well as other dogs they wouldn’t learn how to become friendly, which happened to be the case. 

The following step was to establish my dominance as a pack leader. So when she slightly bit my hand on that first morning, I knew what was needed. A jog. In the snow. In the middle of nowhere.
I also showed no signs of fear or panic; just more determination to add her with some love.... and

I asked Teymour for the outdoors collar and leash, got them on her, wore my Adidas, gloves and beanie and headed out there.

Getting ready before that first run and commemorating it

From the sheer excitement and energy level, I could tell that Izzy had probably never been taken out for jogs before. Being confined to the house for long hours while the owner is out working is something I know quite a few things about. Just like us humans, dogs get bored and lonely and should all should get enough time outdoors. Though the house garden is not really considered outdoors. Again, because there is little to no socialising. 

For certain dog breeds, exercising is actually essential to remain healthy, sane, and most importantly, to feel useful. Running, walking, or hiking together can be also be a great and healthy way to bond. Not only because the furry ones need to move, but also because this is how they look up to you as a pack leader. Seeing your physical capabilities will earn their respect.

Besides, it’s pure joy to be outdoors with our canines; regularly connecting with nature is one sure way to sharpen their senses.

Actually I had done the same with the Saint Bernard Gentle Giant in Toronto a few years earlier. Though I had much more time with Shay, rather than just a few days with Izzy. 

That said, I made sure the run wouldn’t be too long, since it’s the first — maybe 2.5 miles or so. Once back home, she was visibly calmer and more docile.

By the second run she was adapting and clearly enjoying her time outside of the house. The enthusiasm and anticipation showed all over her eyes when she would hear the sound of the collar and leash. This time it was a bit longer.

The remarkable thing is that it was a two-way thing. As mentioned, I had just lost my Cocker Spaniel after 8 years together; for us, too, moved from Egypt to Canada. It was quite a love story. So as much as handling Izzy seem to have worked for her, the experience was almost therapeutic to myself as well.

Additionally, it was a way to start moving again, with a dog.
Following Canada and before being back to the States I spend six weeks in Egypt with no exercising and lots of yummy food — after being away for three long years during which I was cooking every single day. So I needed to get back in shape after regaining my health. 

Iz, Izzy yum yum, Biz, Bizzy, Bizznass, Zakia, Zakia-Hanem, and Stinker Bell were different nicknames

Izzy and I enjoyed three runs during this short stay in Birmingham. Naturally, this led to more bonding and more trust. She was slowly becoming more playful and less aggressive. She seemed happy as she would wag her tail, giving me her squeaking toy to play with. I showed her that, first, I’m not afraid of her growling. Second, that playfulness is indeed good and healthy. In fact, it is needed for a dogs well-being. 

The last thing I made sure to do is to let her know shes a good girl as often as possible. Because I know how Love is capable of changing everything.

As written in Things I Wish All Dog Owners Would Understand, when you reward your dog with a simple “good girl/boy” they really do act as a good girl/boy. In fact, researchers have found that social interactions make pet dogs release Oxytocin — the same “love hormone” that humans feel when they are in love or bonding with friends. So that was something I had in mind whenever I would come across her around the house.

You can see the progression in the video below: How at start she growled and barked after coming in from the garden so I can give her a treat. I didn’t take any of that, and using body language I showed her who is the dominant one. It worked and Izzy Iz submitted to what iz.

Later — the part where I was telling her story — the bared teeth still showed a little but she was much more playful and submissive, bringing me her toy to share. In fact, in the dog world this may be called a submissive grin or even smile. By the time I was comfortable enough to playfully spank her butt as I used to do to Caramella.

Then finally looking relaxed lying down with one paw tucked under, no teeth. Because she was a good girl.

Another day jog when Teymour was home and captured this shot

On a Friday, Teymour took me to Detroit for the day. While he spent it at the head office, he got me in touch with a hippie-minded friend of his who ended up showing me around the city.

She was a lovely Egyptian American girl who also had another American friend with her. Equipped only with a camera, we went Downtown, visited the Botanical Garden, and the historical Belle Isle Casino. I remember we met other people at this coffee shop; and when I shared that I am just travelling around without any plans, they sympathetically said: Auwh, he’s homeless. I had never thought about it that way, but yes, homeless it was.

Another day, Teymour and I went out to some fun party/exhibition when we double dated. It was followed by a fancy dinner somewhere.

By the end my stay, the bonding wasn’t just with Izzy or just with T, but with both. I left Birmingham without knowing anything other than my next destination: Denver, Colorado. In fact, only because Teymour suggested it as we chillaxing at home a couple of days prior. This was February of 2014 and marijuana legalisation there was just beginning. So considering that I would probably enjoy this new American Amsterdam, he shared the idea, and Denver it was.

I first had to head back to Sycamore, Illinois where my main luggage was — at a kind friend I had met online, Ahmed. Yeah.     

Once ready, I headed to Chicago and got on a train for an 18-hour ride to the Mile High City. It was a lovely the experience as it was my first time to sleep in a train. I had a tiny cute cabin, including dinner and breakfast, served at the “restaurant”. There, I met a Canadian couple and we genuinely began chatting. 

While I met Teymour a few times since then, it was the last time I saw Izzy. Just a couple of weeks ago, she went on her next journey, joining Caramella and Shay and all the dogs that have ever lived. Ah.

From Maadi to Michigan, this doggo was given a new beginning and a wonderful life. May her lovely soul Rest In Peace.

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