Dance with your demons while your angels clap and sing along.
What is usually referred to as “inner demons” are not actual malevolent beings or fiery entities with pointy horns and red pitchforks. They do not live in the closet or under the bed nor are they lurking in that dark alley. Personal demons are the mental struggle caused by the critical, negative, self-defeating and self-loathing reptilian voice we sometimes hear in our minds. They are the egoic version of the self that tend to sabotage everything by fuelling and highlighting our own perceived flaws, weaknesses, imperfections, destructive tendencies, past traumatic experiences. They belong to the subconscious parts of our personality.
Having fear as a main driving force, inner demons are the primitive source of most of our problems. From anger, hatred, guilt and shame, to doubts, anxieties, insecurities, addictions, attachments, and limiting beliefs. If not tamed, they prevent humans from reaching their full potential while crippling their lives to a considerable degree.
Now, the subconscious mind is the intuitive, emotional mind. A reservoir of thoughts, feelings, memories, urges, desires residing outside of our conscious awareness. According to psychoanalysis, most of its content is deemed unacceptable and unpleasant, like repressed memories and feelings of fear, pain, anxiety. It embodies our deeper, shadowy, suppressed psychological side, which many spend a large portion of their lives trying to conceal from the world. The subconscious includes the aspects of the self that one hides, ignores, dislikes, disowns, or rejects — their vices, perceived flaws and imperfections, how they process their old wounds.
What makes the subconscious mind substantially powerful is that it is in charge of our brain’s activity and processing power during a staggering 95% of our lives. Naturally, such dominance is reflected on all our thoughts, emotions, decisions, judgments, behaviours, impulses, fantasies, as well as mental health.
The internal self-talk is simply a byproduct of thoughts. When fed, identified with, believed it can become so potently dark, uncivilised, recurring, incessant and convincing, it could direct one’s life — often subconsciously without them knowing. “I will never be able to do this”, “I am not worthy of love”, “I don’t matter”, “I am too damaged or weird or a freak” among other self-pitying beliefs our poor-li’l-me victim mentality tends to perpetuate.
Due to our formidably restless and cunning imagination, we start relating to the very content of said monologue. Despite that it is largely filled with illusory conflicts and complicated scenarios, including the stories or the narratives we keep telling ourselves, which end up becoming internalised. But, We are NOT our thoughts, remember; for they come and go, they remain transient, temporary, ephemeral. Observing them objectively through impartial eyes allows us to see through our very own illusions. This spiritual awakening is the beginning of all wisdom and clarity.
The following is a significantly illuminating part: According to research from Stanford University, out of the 60,000 thoughts the average human can have per day, 90% of them are repetitive and 80% are negative. Imagine the lunacy!
Thinking the same thoughts turned out to lead to making the same choices; same choices means same behaviours; same behaviours translates into same experiences; same experiences leads to same emotions; and same emotions generate the same thoughts — back to completing the self-destructive loop as one becomes stuck in certain thought-patterns.
Equally fascinating, Neuroscience has come to show that our biology, neural circuitry/chemistry/hormones, as well as genetic expression are all equal to how we think, act, and feel — that which constitute our personality. In other words, consciousness creates our personal reality.
As such, identifying with the unrefined, repetitive, mostly negative inner voice and being led by its neurotic nonsense remains the leading cause of a variety of mental and consequently physical health issues we suffer from.
You see, when people are unconscious of their own dark sides if affects their personalities and influences their behaviour beyond their conscious awareness. They do not notice how they tend to project unrealised, unrecognised elements of their personalities by attributing them to another person or group. While the act may include positive characteristics, it usually focuses on negative ones. That means projecting the internal darkness outward into others and condemning evil in them; thereby transmuting the inner pain, self dislike, and disappointments into outward aggression. By doing so, they justify the darkness in others without ever admitting, or mayhap even accepting that darkness exists in them, too — at least to a certain degree. The more denial of the shadow, the more its power over us. Or as Carl Jung succinctly put it: “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.”
Whenever thoughts, motivations, desires, or feelings are suppressed, as cannot be accepted as one’s own, they are dealt with by being placed in the outside world and attributed to others. It is precisely what makes us judge, categorise, castigate, and vilify. Truly, until one faces their own shadow they will keep encountering its reflection in others. This is the basis of Psychological Projection.
Without awareness of the Shadow Self, or without being in touch with it, also translates as unfulfillment, resentment, low self-esteem, self-confidence. It likewise reflects on how we view the world and on all our relationships. There is this internal void, which one attempts to fill using all sorts of distractions and things that are outside of themselves.
On the other hand, to truly Know Thyself means to courageously dive head-first deep into the abyss of our own being. Introspection and self-examination allow us to become aware of the innermost thoughts. Acknowledging the darkness followed by accepting it become imperative if we want to understand the full psyche. To know your own darkness, as Jung noted: “Would help you most to have a personal insight into the secrets of the human soul. Otherwise everything remains a clever intellectual trick, consisting of empty words and leading to empty talk.”
The Shadow Work we do on ourselves was actually first pioneered by Jung — hence all the related quotes and valuable insights — and it boils down to making the unconscious conscious. To be able to change, one needs to start thinking about their own thinking; observe their actions, habits, patterns, and behaviour. Accordingly, bring that which has been suppressed and repressed out toward the light of awareness, freeing us from the bondage of their shackles. Freedom means to be in the present Here and Now without translating it using past experiences. Because in terms of conscious experience, the time is always, always NOW; not in the past nor in the future. “The Work” is therefore the way to confront — and hopefully also cherish the demons — to summon them in the moment with the intention of becoming less fragmented and more grounded, balanced, and above all, whole.
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| I stopped fighting my inner daemon; I’ve unleashed it |
Self-inquiry is rarely a walk in the park. At times it could certainly be uncomfortable, confusing, possibly also frightening to delve into your naked self and face your fears. But there are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.
Seemingly paradoxically, the dark side retains its own glamour. The badness and the misbehaving generally deemed wild, naughty, wicked and mischievous retain a certain forbidden and enigmatic allure or fascination within the psyche. Vices are found attractive, adventurous, and captivating by a wide variety of people, hence all stories and movies about “bad” things and people. Perhaps it is the case because they add contrast, hence also a healthy dose of realness and even balance to the human experience — virtues and vices. After all, they are part of our human nature. And as much as demons can be destructive, they can be creative just as well. For destruction tends to breed creation. That is part of the mystique of the dark side, one could say. To get to heaven, my friends, one must first pass by hell.
Conversely, a thing about the good side is that it is often bland and boring and expected. Everyone wants to be good! But are they really, or is just just another illusory mask? For those who make an effort to appear good exist everywhere.
Whether inner or outer, darkness itself is not the enemy; it is not something to fight nor despise. Darkness just is. It will always be there along with the light. Just as good and evil and positive and negative are complementary, one cannot exist without the other; for that’s how the cosmos is balanced. Inner demons, then, have a function, a necessity, and in the words of Gabor Maté, also deserves our compassion. They are a fundamental part of us after all.
Besides, demons are widely thought to have once been ‘fallen’ angels. So they could be perceived as two sides of the same mythical coin. In fact, in the religion and philosophy pertaining to Greek Mythology a “daemon” [daimon] was a spirit or divine power that could influence a person’s character or fate, which was not necessarily good nor evil.
Jung at it again with: “Within every saint, a beast sleeps; within every beast, a saint”.
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| Beware the confusion |
In our human world, true mastery is simply how you handle your own internal voice during the awakening journey from
reactive to reflective; to find balance amidst the chaos. Then, the poor-li’l-me victim mentality along with its self-pitying
beliefs start to dissipate, while you stop trying to prove — to yourself before the world — that you matter or that you are worthy of love and all the rest. Because now you know you are. Time to just BE.
What essentially matters is how you respond to life, your attitude and perspective. For life is mostly how you take it and partially what you make it. The full work still must be done if one chooses to shed their skin and grow through life.
The more we understand this dynamic between the different counterparts of our inner being, the more we reconcile the seeming polarity into Oneness, the more we become better equipped to deal with the darkness of others. Because we can relate, so we see them for who they truly are, even when they don’t see it themselves. That means we do not judge, categorise, castigate, or vilify — not even our own demons. Choosing not to be led by your emotions does not mean you’re cold or heartless, it means you’re wiser.
It is worth noting that, in essence, the healing journey is fuelled and later embodied by love and self-forgiveness. The resulting self-knowledge entails change, growth, evolution, becoming better versions ourselves and, of course, truth and freedom. For love is the way, or so they say.
More about the topic is covered in my previous psycho-philosophical exposé, Theory of Mind: Thinking About Thinking and the Benefits of Observing the Observer.
Certain individuals succeed to varying degrees in hiding their flaws, imperfections, eccentricities thinking them weaknesses. So they become weaknesses. Whether consciously realised or not, those tend to become victims of their own negative thought patterns — their shadow. As Sigmund Freud put it, “The more perfect a person is on the outside, the more demons they have on the inside.”
Others learn how to use the flaws and imperfections, thereby transform the weakness into strength. Having recognised and fully accepted their darkness, these alchemists use it as a motivational force to stand confidently in their own light — owning their truth while finally transcending the seeming duality. Perfectly imperfect. Then Coincidentia Oppositorum, or the Union of Opposites. For it is the same fire that can either melt you or forge you.
The reality is, we rarely ever get to fully conquer or even outrun our inner demons by facing them on mere occasions. In fact, it is possible to overcome certain demons yet ignore or postpone dealing with others, rendering the healing process longer. Although changing locations like moving to a different country may help us reset ourselves, hence be able to change certain negative patterns and toxic habits, it does not slay or annihilate the dragon. Simply because it remains an integral part of us, so will never just vanish. Whenever someone thinks they have killed their own, for ever and ever, good for them. Maybe they did. But, it could still very well be an egoic trap, a story we tell ourselves — just another thought illusion. Such sobering nugget of truth was something I only came to learn later in life when wrestling with my old addiction demons.
Demons manifest themselves in unique ways depending on each person; just as each person deals with theirs differently. Some may be able to avoid or ignore, others may silence, escape, distract, numb themselves to the emptiness for a while. There are also those tortured souls who seem to be in a perpetual state of war with their own selves and very neurochemistry, slaves of their shadows, going through life in a “reaction mode” to the division of their fragmented minds. On the way to maturity, people oftentimes alternate between these different psychological coping mechanisms.
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| I used to battle, wrestle, and quarrel with my demons. Now we cuddle, nuzzle, and snuggle. [Artwork by kfrbs] |
Still, wherever we go, there we are. As a concept, inner demons will likely always reside somewhere deep down within us. Demons as well as angels do indeed seem to metaphorically embody the Human Condition, a way for man to understand himself and the true nature of his apparent dualistic psyche. Then again, we do not fight the darkness, we light a candle. Or in the words of Nietzsche: “Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” Likewise, “Be careful when you cast out your demons that you don’t throw away the best of yourself.”
If we choose to fight inner demons, we may very well become at war with ourselves. Dancing with them, however, is the key to a considerable degree of inner peace in this life.
If we choose to fight inner demons, we may very well become at war with ourselves. Dancing with them, however, is the key to a considerable degree of inner peace in this life.
So not just coexisting with our own darkness becomes essential, but also getting acquainted and developing a certain relationship with it. I actually hold that the simple ability to occasionally make fun of one’s thoughts is beneficial. For being playful in such a way helps not take ourselves or life too seriously while letting go of the nonsense of the ceaseless chatter, eventually allowing us to befriend ourselves.
Another spirit to express the same sentiment was Charles Bukowski who said “Don’t fight your demons. Your demons are here to teach you lessons. Sit with them, have a drink, talk, learn their names and talk about the burns on their fingers and scratches on their ankles. Some of them are very nice.”
As it turned out, this relationship [with the self] is the catalyst to a peculiarly rich sense of serenity, fulfilment, depth, honesty, and some uniquely raw realness; but also of a certain refreshing kind of fearlessness. It equally teaches how to regulate our emotions. And artists are a living proof that darkness can be alchemically and purposefully channelled into creating something original that hasn’t existed before — a therapeutic experience in and of itself. To reduce the inner noise by creating an outer melody out of it, to which our demons and angels will learn to dance, clap, and sing together. This is how art can invite, inspire, entice the rest of humanity to do the same. Once more, Carl Jung would concur: “A creative person has little power over his own life. He is not free. He is captive and driven by his daimon.”
What can be done is to accept and cherish our authentic selves completely — with the ridiculous, sometimes absurdly dramatic internal monologue and all; the dormant beast and the dormant saint. Thereby welcome and embrace the dragon rather than battling it or trying to slay it; we tame the beast by putting a proverbial leash on it. Self-actualisation is how we overcome and master the darkness rather than become its victim the other way round. This is how to transcend the conflicting duality while embracing wholeness.
When we awaken to our true nature our full potential is unlocked, the inner void and the struggle it causes then cease to exist... or is at least diminished to a manageable, witnessable level. Being human, fear still exists, but it cannot drive you crazy because you have learned not to give it the key. Whenever the negative voices visit, you can observe them objectively before letting go. Maybe even laugh at them if you see fit. Integration and liberation at last!
To learn to ride the dragon is the secret to sincere transformation, reconciliation, and wholeness. Having these integral parts work together instead of against each other, we harness their power and might to our favour — perhaps through art and creativity, showing vulnerability, or for developing empathy towards fellow humans. Verily, befriending our darkness is to own our truth and to embody our higher wholesome self. It has the extraordinary ability to propel us forward toward a brighter existence. And those who have walked through the fire of their own hell and survived it tend to leave sparks of light wherever they go.
Tamed dragons also tend to develop wings, so they make great transportation and are capable of taking us to undreamed of heights.
He learned to ride the dragon
She learned to tame the beast
Getting on the celestial wagon
What Magick is this feast.
*Article adapted from my book
ALSO VIEW:
Theory of Mind: Thinking About Thinking and the Benefits of Observing the Observer
The Intertwining of Genius and Insanity
The Intertwining of Music and Sexuality ― A Djembefola’s Tale
The Intertwining of Pain and Pleasure
Codependency: What Being Addicted to Someone Means
What Is Overcompensation?
The Significance of Letting Go
To Forgive Is Not To Reconcile
Opiated Then Hatin’ It
