.jpg "Collage of J. D. Salinger, One Lucky Soul")
One terrifying difference between fiction and reality is that the first has to make sense while the latter often doesn’t. As such, I tend to prefer reading about or watching real accounts rather than pure fantasies. Even more so when the story is about a certain writer or the life of a writer.
Having spent a full decade trying to fit in through mundane jobs I had no passion for before choosing writing as a vocation, I can simply and wholeheartedly relate. It turned out that finding one’s voice, having a mentor, the family, the rejections, the doubt, uncertainty and scepticism, dealing with the creative process, the solitude, the publishing, living in your own head while feeling somewhat detached from reality are all common characteristics among writers, especially starting ones — or perhaps artists in general. This became apparent when I recently watched the 2017 biopic Rebel in the Rye: The moving life of famed yet reclusive author, Jerome David Salinger, who gained worldwide popularity upon the publication of his classic 1951 novel, The Catcher in the Rye.
Having spent a full decade trying to fit in through mundane jobs I had no passion for before choosing writing as a vocation, I can simply and wholeheartedly relate. It turned out that finding one’s voice, having a mentor, the family, the rejections, the doubt, uncertainty and scepticism, dealing with the creative process, the solitude, the publishing, living in your own head while feeling somewhat detached from reality are all common characteristics among writers, especially starting ones — or perhaps artists in general. This became apparent when I recently watched the 2017 biopic Rebel in the Rye: The moving life of famed yet reclusive author, Jerome David Salinger, who gained worldwide popularity upon the publication of his classic 1951 novel, The Catcher in the Rye.
There is a sense of reassurance in learning about those who are considered prolific writers and finding things in common with them. While most critics agree the movie did not do the book justice, as shown on Rotten Tomatoes where it scored a meagre 29% on the Tomatometer, his life itself and the intriguing similarities with my own are what I found captivating. The movie, however, also received a much higher 63% in the Audience Score.
The following is a review of the struggles and challenges of J. D. Salinger as pictured in the film along with some congruent resemblances with my own.
It is worth noting that the events in the film are not presented in a perfectly chronological order. For instance, the opening scene shows Nicholas Hoult, who is playing Salinger, looking unwell and somewhat distraught in what seems like a hospice or hospital where he is surrounded by other disabled men. He is unable to write due to his hand shaking uncontrollably. Then we are transported back to six years prior in 1939 when the actual story began. Though for the sake of this article, we’ll organically follow his life events from past to future.
While 20-year-old Salinger appears to be trying to fit in the social life of the young, it becomes clear from the start that he is someone who is true to himself. He does not like phoniness or superficiality — be it regarding women or, as we will later see, writing. He meets even younger teenagers, Una and her friend, with whom he shares that he is a writer of short stories. Almost instinctively, both ask if he had been published. When he doesn’t answer, the girls seem unimpressed.
The then aspiring writer is seen dealing with his parents. While the mother believed in him and his talents, the seemingly cold, distant, and somewhat authoritarian father was a more traditional man who could not relate to his son wanting to become a writer. Fiction is more true than reality.
Salinger’s apparent insecurity in his own writings is distinctly shown from his demeanour when giving his mother one of his earlier stories to read. Being his first fan, he still cared about her opinion. Once done, she encourages him, saying she enjoys the fact that the story is about children. The decision was then made that in order to get published he must go back to school to study creative writing.
The father, however, shows his distrust and lack of confidence in his abilities. “How can you make a living out of that? How do you become a professional writer? I just don’t want you to get disappointed when it doesn’t work out. And it won’t. Because it never does.”
He therefore suggested that his son should work in the thriving meat and dairy industry. Yeah. For anyone with a creative mind, this may sound like madness in the spring… or suicide. Luckily for him — mayhap for the world as well — the mother eventually interfered by having the last say: You are going to Columbia to study writing. And you [the father] are paying for it.
This was more or less what my own parents thought about photography when my 19-year-old self first mentioned I wanted to become photographer — possibly for National Geographic. Photography is great, as a hobby!, I was told; and I sort of believed them. Then again when more than a decade later I decided to start writing. Only this time I did not ask for permission and just went along with it anyway, despite the overall lack of understanding by almost everyone around me. For my father, working in hotels as he did for 40 years was the way, or at least be employed and go to an office; the same goes for how photography was no more than a hobby to him. Simply because it is all he knew. My mother was fortunately more understanding, and with time, her, too, became my closest ally and loyal fan.
The father figure, you see, plays a crucial role in the development of any man. You first try to please and gain his acceptance, to prove your worth and “be a man”… just like him. But then as life goes on and you better know yourself, you may come to realise that, whether they accept you or not, you are enough and you are worthy. Also that there is absolutely no need to prove anything — neither to yourself, your father, nor the entire world. Regarding employment in a certain field, the self-knowledge gained may further help you realise that this is not where your passions lie. So you become who you always were at the core. You come out, so to speak, of the paternal shadow. Echoing with the words of Kurt Vonnegut from A Man Without a Country:
“If you want to really hurt your parents, and you don’t have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I’m not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practising an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possible can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.”
One reason, I think, why it remains hard for most parents to accept that their son or daughter will become an actual writer — or artist — is when there are no predecessors in the family. As in, when no older member had chosen the artistic life before you it becomes uncharted territory, leaving them with no life examples to learn from or compare with. Due to fear of the unknown, the uncertainty, instead of believing in their offspring and letting them pursue their dreams, they offer them their own dreams to follow. Be it the meat and dairy field, hotels, or even medicine. Sometimes it is actually done out of “love” and care rather than merely wanting to dominate or impose their own will on their offspring. Or so some of them perceive it.
Interestingly, while writing this piece I happened to watch a Netflix movie called Uncorked. In it, the father-son relationship is exemplified in the main character, Elijah, and his father who owned a barbecue place which he inherited from his own father before him. Now, the son is working in the family restaurant but then starts to get into wines, not merely drinking but to become a master sommelier. This was taking place in southern Memphis where wine is not really a thing; and they are a black family. Funnily, the family was so out of touch with the world of wines, they kept referring to Elijah’s new passion as “that African thing”. You know, sommelier and Somalia. Ha.
Throughout the story, we can once again see the dynamics between the traditional, cold, harsh working-man dad and the son with the dream. Please the father, follow tradition, and almost blindly keep doing that which one has no passion for, or follow one’s own dream and its uncertainty? Submit to the father's will, hence become dominated — even if psychologically — while it also becomes implied that he knows more about your own life and the inner workings of your mind than you do, or, be true to yourself, stand up to him, and say No?
In this story, too, the mother is more understanding and actually does help Elijah travel to Paris with his wine class.
“If you want to really hurt your parents, and you don’t have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I’m not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practising an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possible can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.”
One reason, I think, why it remains hard for most parents to accept that their son or daughter will become an actual writer — or artist — is when there are no predecessors in the family. As in, when no older member had chosen the artistic life before you it becomes uncharted territory, leaving them with no life examples to learn from or compare with. Due to fear of the unknown, the uncertainty, instead of believing in their offspring and letting them pursue their dreams, they offer them their own dreams to follow. Be it the meat and dairy field, hotels, or even medicine. Sometimes it is actually done out of “love” and care rather than merely wanting to dominate or impose their own will on their offspring. Or so some of them perceive it.
Interestingly, while writing this piece I happened to watch a Netflix movie called Uncorked. In it, the father-son relationship is exemplified in the main character, Elijah, and his father who owned a barbecue place which he inherited from his own father before him. Now, the son is working in the family restaurant but then starts to get into wines, not merely drinking but to become a master sommelier. This was taking place in southern Memphis where wine is not really a thing; and they are a black family. Funnily, the family was so out of touch with the world of wines, they kept referring to Elijah’s new passion as “that African thing”. You know, sommelier and Somalia. Ha.
Throughout the story, we can once again see the dynamics between the traditional, cold, harsh working-man dad and the son with the dream. Please the father, follow tradition, and almost blindly keep doing that which one has no passion for, or follow one’s own dream and its uncertainty? Submit to the father's will, hence become dominated — even if psychologically — while it also becomes implied that he knows more about your own life and the inner workings of your mind than you do, or, be true to yourself, stand up to him, and say No?
In this story, too, the mother is more understanding and actually does help Elijah travel to Paris with his wine class.
As examined in Do Parents Know Best When it Comes to Our Life Choices?, there is a reason why many guys working for [or with] their fathers are not particularly happy, which is that it’s highly unlikely that you happen to be born with a passion towards the very same job, career, or industry as your father. Coincidence! That is, if the father possesses that passion.
Different Shades of Passion is an earlier exposé about how unique we all are.
The thing is, the son of a doctor or a carpenter probably knows more about medicine and carpentry than his peers of the same age. The same can be said in case the father runs a family business. Just because the son grows up in an environment in which the job, career, or industry are surrounding them. Even when they don’t know the details, at least they are aware of the general knowledge.
Oftentimes, they are encouraged — and pressured — by the father, or the entire family, to follow in dad’s footsteps. In fact, some fathers choose their son’s career path the day they are born, which adds a significant amount of pressure to the equation.
From their side, many young ones come to mistakenly believe that they share the same passion as their fathers, leading them to pursue a similar field. The reality, though, is that due to our diversity and uniqueness as human being this is rarely ever the case. Beside being easily influenced, when you’re young you haven’t had time to know what you really want to do in life. So you go for the job or career suggested by the parents, only to realise later that passion is lacking and that this was not your path to begin with. Sometimes this realisation only comes much later in life, which could be a tad too late to do something about it, yet never impossible.
For some of us, you see, uncertainty with a chance of happiness always wins over certainty with guaranteed unhappiness. For knowing what we don't want is a significant step towards what we do want. So following the dream while accepting that the destination may be different than what we had anticipated seems like the wiser choice. I actually know a significant number of people who had to abandon their own dreams in order to please their parents. I equally know they would have likely been shining with peace and happiness if it weren’t for the parents’ rigid control.
In my own family, not only am I considered the Black Sheep, but also the Purple Tie-Dye Unicorn. Still somewhat of a pioneer though.
At the very end, no matter the traditions or passions, the struggle seems like a universal affair between many, if not most fathers and sons. Psychologically speaking, a study in Developmental Psychology suggests that a strong father-son bond forged during childhood may help men deal with everyday stress later in life.
Conversely, since the father figure represents safety and security, a large number of those whose father was absent during their childhood naturally grow up to have insecurity issues, which manifest themselves as low self-esteem and self-confidence and throughout their relationships with the outside world.
Then we have some sons who never confront their fathers with that which is in their minds or hearts, for whatever reason. Others spend their entire existence trying to please theirs by winning their approval, possibly attempting to align themselves with their rigid expectations, which more often than not leads to a miserable life. Nevertheless, while naturally some parents remain more progressive and cool than others, one must always keep in mind that they were born in a different time. We cannot expect them to change mentality in an attempt to make it fit with ours.
More about the parenting topic is examined in What Nomad Lions Can Teach Us About Growing Through Life (2014), The Parents Dilemma (2015), and the most recent Dear Single Parents (2018).
Beside the family, such early rejection by culture and society at large to taking art as a vocation was channelled much more aggressively through a potential mother-in-law I’ve had for few years. She would somewhat condescendingly ask: “How are you going to get your kids to school and university… as a writer?” She wanted me to have an answer to something that may or may not happen in, say, five or ten years in the future, which didn’t make sense. It seemed that being aware that I could see right through her more materialistic existence made her deal with me as a possible threat to her way of living, and by extension to her daughter as well. Luckily for all, the relationships with either didn’t go anywhere, leaving me free as a bird ever since.
While Salinger had to deal with rejection as a 20-year old student, I was 32 when I finally left it all behind and travelled to Canada where I rediscovered myself. So I had a full decade of work under my belt, which gave me a bit of experience that was translated into my writings. Perhaps also it reinforced my convictions when I decided not to be an employed worker anymore. Because I’ve tried several multinational organisations in three different fields for ten full years, through which I found out it wasn’t for me. Rather than fiction, after the first year of political pro-revolution writing, my interests then shifted to the psychology, philosophy, mysticism, and history among a variety of other subjects.
 |
| J.D. Salinger’s signature and inscription in 1936 high school yearbook |
Salinger’s writing teacher at Colombia was Whit Burnett, played by Kevin Spacey, who was also the editor of Story Magazine. The man could see through his sarcasm and occasional wittiness, and came to believe he had something great to offer. He becomes his first mentor who constantly encourages him to keep on writing, eventually helping him publish his first story. While the two became good friends, Burnett assumed the unofficial role of the understanding and supportive father-figure he never had.
At the University of Toronto I was taking a creative writing course — part of a Continuing Studies Certificate — with Leslie who became my mentor, editor, and friend as well. This was the first time I was back to the class setting ever since graduating from Uni back in 2000. I was geeking out [à la Jésuites] and loved it. It was likewise during the Jan 25 Egyptian Revolution of 2011 when I began writing pro-Revolution notes of Facebook, which I would send to Leslie for review.
An old friend once commented: “Wow, Omar, you should write a book”. By then I had always been writing to myself in personal notebooks, but the Internet changed all that. It allowed me, for the first time, to widely share my mind with others, and get responses, too.
An old friend once commented: “Wow, Omar, you should write a book”. By then I had always been writing to myself in personal notebooks, but the Internet changed all that. It allowed me, for the first time, to widely share my mind with others, and get responses, too.
Then soon after in June 2011 One Lucky Soul, the blog, came to being. Obviously at the time I had no idea how blogs work. Slowly but surely I began sharing things I would find interesting online, yet only started taking the publishing seriously following the three years in Canada when I moved my base to the U.S, particularly Venice Beach where I more or less remained for a good four years. Conscious Life News had already been publishing my writings — for free. Eventually, I learned to share maybe 30 or 40% on CLN, while adding a link at the end with Read Full Piece on One Lucky Soul. Being my first two years into writing, the platform represented significant exposure. Mass Control and the Redefinition of Freedom, for instance, was read there over 50,000 times while another received 4000 Facebook ‘likes’.
Following the relationship that didn’t go anywhere, there was a whole new chapter awaiting. A combination of living on the beach, joining the famous Venice Beach Drum Circle, and being surrounded by all this art inspired my creativity and writings like never before. I was working on the book, writing about two or three new pieces ever week, taking photos of street art that is spread all over, drumming, organising the monthly Full Lunacy Drum Circle, making videos of the events. Just utter creativity oozing out of my every nerve endings.
Following the relationship that didn’t go anywhere, there was a whole new chapter awaiting. A combination of living on the beach, joining the famous Venice Beach Drum Circle, and being surrounded by all this art inspired my creativity and writings like never before. I was working on the book, writing about two or three new pieces ever week, taking photos of street art that is spread all over, drumming, organising the monthly Full Lunacy Drum Circle, making videos of the events. Just utter creativity oozing out of my every nerve endings.
Salinger is then paid for his first published story and goes out to celebrate. I received 60 CA$ for my first paid published exposé, MK-Ultra: Then and Now — A Thorough Analysis of Mind Control. It was supposed to be 50 CA$, but the publisher found the completed research to be compelling, so he decided to divide the piece into part I and II and added 10 CA$. I, too, went out to celebrate in Toronto — by wining and dining. A year or so later, Google additionally paid me 100
US$ for the ads on One Lucky Soul. Despite these humble amounts, and despite the fact that I did not get into writing for the money, it was still great knowing that, indeed, I can get paid doing that which I love. Contrary to what I was repeatedly told.
Certainly not the kind of money that would put my unborn kids into college. But who said I was interested in sacrificing my life for having children?
Why I Choose to Remain a Non-Dad for Now — Reflections on Being Childless in yet another exposé about the topic.
Why I Choose to Remain a Non-Dad for Now — Reflections on Being Childless in yet another exposé about the topic.
 |
| More mature J.D. Salinger in 1989 (AP) |
Back to our story...
Around the middle of the movie, WWII broke out while Salinger is shipped to fight with the Allies. He took part in D-Day in Normandy. The horrors of war naturally affected the 20-something young man. To add to his despair, while there his girlfriend, the one he thought he loved, married Charlie Chaplain at just 18-years of age. He felt betrayed, yet carried on writing to keep his sanity amidst the destructive madness.
Following the war, Salinger returns to America a changed man. Post Traumatic Stress was getting the best of him and his humanity. The despair, the devastation, the suffering were everywhere inside and around him. He tried writing yet could not get himself to do it.
Salinger was not the only acclaimed author to fight in World War II. But also Kurt Vonnegut, Isiac Asimov, Roald Dahl, and Joseph Heller who wrote the enchanting satirical Catch-22 about the madness of war and the irony its bureaucracy. Interestingly, I purchased Catch-22 and Catcher in the Rye together from Toronto where I was regaining my health and clarity of thoughts. I had found them in a compelling list called 50 Best Cult Books by the Telegraph.Co.
The list also contained Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse-Five, Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Huxley’s Doors of Perception, Kerouac’s On The Road, Hesse’s Siddharta, Camus’ The Stranger, Kesey’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolf, and To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee. Having missed reading due to the Hey Daze, all these books were read around the same time, except the latter which ten years later I am currently reading, as well as for Herman Hesse’s works which had been previously read almost in its entirety.
The list also contained Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse-Five, Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Huxley’s Doors of Perception, Kerouac’s On The Road, Hesse’s Siddharta, Camus’ The Stranger, Kesey’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolf, and To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee. Having missed reading due to the Hey Daze, all these books were read around the same time, except the latter which ten years later I am currently reading, as well as for Herman Hesse’s works which had been previously read almost in its entirety.
Now, war, as it so plainly seems, becomes the turning point of the lives of many who participate in it, forever shaping their characters and personalities. It likewise adds them with experience and, often, certain mad wisdom. Having experienced death and in the case of WWII also genocide and unspeakable atrocities, it remains almost impossible to be the same afterwards. For you cannot unsee certain things, which end up being stored in the conscious and subconscious part of the brain. You just have to find a way to coexist with your demons. Fortunately art exists.
While I did not go to an actual war, I did go to war with myself, for at least seven years when I was addicted to heroin. A war with your own biology is, naturally, one which could never be won, as long as you are alive at least. Certainly different experiences, yet both equally traumatic, especially when they last for years. Like war, addiction, as well as overcoming addiction, change the person forever. The survivors, too, must learn to coexist with their demons. Inner demons, you see, do not disappear. They are an integral part of our psyche. Wherever you go, there you are. Poetically speaking, the secret lies in learning how to Dance With Our Demons while our angels sing along.
More about the subject is covered in Opiated Then Hatin’ It and Addiction Talk: My Correspondence With a 31-Year-Old Reader Before He Passed Away.
While I did not go to an actual war, I did go to war with myself, for at least seven years when I was addicted to heroin. A war with your own biology is, naturally, one which could never be won, as long as you are alive at least. Certainly different experiences, yet both equally traumatic, especially when they last for years. Like war, addiction, as well as overcoming addiction, change the person forever. The survivors, too, must learn to coexist with their demons. Inner demons, you see, do not disappear. They are an integral part of our psyche. Wherever you go, there you are. Poetically speaking, the secret lies in learning how to Dance With Our Demons while our angels sing along.
More about the subject is covered in Opiated Then Hatin’ It and Addiction Talk: My Correspondence With a 31-Year-Old Reader Before He Passed Away.
Constantly anxious and disturbed, veteran Salinger had to see a doctor. While the latter reassured him that his post-war symptoms — anxiety, restlessness, lethargy — will only last for a certain period of time, he still needed some kind of healing. So he visits to a Buddhist monk who teaches him to meditate and hence to let go. Slowly but surely, Salinger regains his writing abilities. In writing he would find solace — the peace of mind and serenity of soul he had been missing. Meditating and writing helped him heal while teaching him how to deal with the reality of things.
Once again, that was what transpired following the addiction years. Meditation certainly helped, so did psychedelics. Expressing myself through writing became the ultimate healing tool. Finding my voice, my own narrative; becoming the director of my own movie, the hero of my own saga. From suppression to expression is what the healing journey is about. This is why art therapy remains a successful thing.
As a writer or novelist, from aspiring to actual one, we see Salinger gain confidence in his own talents and abilities throughout the movie. First, he seems insecure and fixated, hence becomes defensive whenever his mentor then the publishers had some “notes” on his stories. But he would also listen to them… in private — editing and polishing the writings.
Eventually, Catcher in the Rye is published and gains wide success. Yet the problems with publishers never cease. Somewhat around the end of the story, his agent, Dorothy Olding — played by Sarah Paulson — even sides with him, saying: “There is more to writing than publishing.” This led Salinger to rebel, promising himself to never publish a word ever again. He never did while most of his writing remained kept from the public’s eye till his death in 2010.
Similarly, I was once told by a publisher “You write for a small educated niche of audience. The masses want to be scared.” This is what inspired me to create One Lucky Soul where I can write whatever I please. I am not getting paid, but again, money was never an element in the equation when I took to writing. So, it is what it is. I faced additional issues in finding the right publisher for my own book.
The conclusion I came about is that wanting people to read my words is not a need. For I will write anyway. See, I write because I must; I write to keep my insanity; not because I am expecting a reward or some applause, neither to convince anyone with anything. I then share the writings so that others may enjoy my point of view — and my confusion; so they may think for themselves; for them to question everything; for them to find their own Truth. And, I equally do it so that those who think alike know they are not alone. For I am you and what I see is me. The true artist is a reflection of humanity, here to try to express that which we all feel, à la John Lennon.
Following all these various similarities, one major difference between Salinger’s life and mine and is that he did publish an epic fiction book that is still read by millions 70 years later. I have been working on my own non-fiction book about the mysticism of dreams — especially precognitive ones — and the subconscious mind for the past seven years, hopefully to publish it soon.
Following all these various similarities, one major difference between Salinger’s life and mine and is that he did publish an epic fiction book that is still read by millions 70 years later. I have been working on my own non-fiction book about the mysticism of dreams — especially precognitive ones — and the subconscious mind for the past seven years, hopefully to publish it soon.
Another difference is that I am writing in what technically is my third language, following French and Arabic. So there is that.
In the near future, I may very well get into fiction. For it flows much easier than all the research, psychology, philosophy, and mysticism. I’ve once shared that whenever I get into fiction, some of my characters’ names shall be Mona Moor and Sir Real. To be introduced as Mon Amour Surreal. Ben Dover, Mike Litoris, and Hugh Mongus are others.
On a more sincere note and to end to this article, it remains remarkably uplifting to see how someone like Salinger also received the same disdain and rejection at first, but then persevered and still did what he wished at the end. The life of the writer is no easy one. It is a solitary existential existence through which art that has never existed before is created. Artists, it is said, unknowingly use their lives as a timeless torch to help guide humanity from the darkness into the light. And being true to and with oneself makes a substantial difference. That is not just for creators but for all human beings.
Encourage all artists; for it’s how we get a glimpse of others’ realities.
ALSO VIEW:
Dear Single Parents
Do Parents Know Best When it Comes to Our Life Choices?
Why I Choose to Remain a Non-Dad for Now — Reflections on Being Childless
The Parents Dilemma
When Selective Men Reject Women
The Significance of Letting Go
Who Are We?
My Journey Towards Self-Transcendence
Creativity Shall Set You Free
Choosing Art Over Corporate and Academia
Artists Between Mindset and Motivation
The Writing Process and the Creative Block
On Reading, Listening, Speaking and Writing
Why I Share Stuff
From English as a Third Language to Author — How I Expanded My Vocabulary
For The Love Of Storytelling
The Intertwining of Genius and Insanity
Geeking Out Over Ψ 400: Drugs and Human Behaviour
Some Soulful Writing Quotes
