Random Stuff You May Not Know: Eighteen

 

From the historical bastardisation of words in 1920s Egypt, to unique English and French expressions, to the expansive fluidity of the human psyche: The world beyond our rigid cultural veils remains beautifully complex. Following Seventeen, here are five new topics to widen your horizon.

1. The Shebbak El Sayyed Haircut — حَلْقَةُ شُبَّاكُ السَّيِّدِ 

Back in the days in Egypt, especially in Alexandria, men would go to their barber and ask for the Shebbak el Sayyed ( شباك السيد ) haircut. Being a common request, “Look no further” would have then been the reply. ‘Shebbak’ means window in Arabic, while ‘El Sayyed’ is a name for males, also mister or sir; so the phrase means the window of El Sayyed.

As the days went by, many people forgot the origin of the name and even what it actually meant. So what is the “Shebbak el Sayyed haircut”?, I hear you ask.

Well, when British soldiers were stationed in Egypt they would go to barbers asking for “Shave back and sides”. With time, shaving the back and sides became known as ( شباك السيد ) Shebbak el Sayyed. And that is simply it. I truly wonder if there are people alive today who use the wording.

For the time being there is nothing about it on the entirety of Google, in both languages. How did I originally know? An old friend and schoolmate, Shokry, has once told me in our early teens — through his own grandfather. I later double-checked with my late aunt’s husband, Dr. Toutou [born in 1933 and originally from Alex] and he did know it. Other than verifying it from much older generation folks — who had passed on — I knew this forgotten lore deserves a spot on the Random Stuff You May Not Know series.


Now YOU know.

 

2. The Anatomy of Notorious Synchronicity: Kom Bakir [كوم بكير]

This is what happens when cosmic timing decides to flex.

Last week, I came across the above 2020 post about the mythical Shebbak El Sayyed haircut (حَلْقَة شُبَّاك السَّيِّد) from Alexandria. 

Few days later, my mother calls me, fresh off a sightseeing trip to Alexandria. “Grab a pen,” she says, “you’re going to love this.” Ooh, intriguing.

Enter Kom Bakir [ كوم بكير ], a historic corner of Alex’s infamous Al-Labban district. Back in the 1920s, this area served as an unofficial red-light zone operating right next to the British army’s base depot.

As the British soldiers would make their exit, the local women would call out after them: “Come back here!”.

Local tongues did what they do best, bastardised the phonetics, and linguistic history was made. “Kombakeer” was the Egyptian “Me love you long time”. Ha.

To add to the neighbourhood’s charm, this very same Al-Labban district is where Egypt’s most notorious serial killer sisters, Raya and Sakina, set up shop between 1919 and 1920 — terminating at least 17 women for their jewellery before paving them into the floorboards. A777oooo.

The area’s legacy even spawned Mostafa Awad’s vintage book title, A Prostitute from Kom Bakeer [ غانية من كوم بكير ].

Alexandria’s linguistic shapeshifting didn’t stop there, either. Take El Bayasa [ البياصة ] — which is just the local flavour of the Italian La Piazza. 

These obscure, often forgotten nuggets are primarily why I wrote Words With Italian Origin That Are Still Used Today In Egypt back in 2015, an article that still sits pretty at number 2 on One Lucky Soul’s all-time reads list. Ayyyoooo.

The universe drops the breadcrumbs; I just map them out.

For the true language hunters, the complete evolutionary archive on One Lucky Soul can be traced chronologically right here:

📜 The Sayings Archive (2016): Some Arabic Sayings With Translations — أمثال عربية و ترجمتها

🗣️ The Slang Catalogue (2024): Some Egyptian Arabic Expressions With Translations — مصطلحات مصرية و ترجمتها

🏺 The Rare Lexicon (2026): مفردات مصرية نادرة ومعانيها: من الجَلَنْف والخَبُوء إلى الأَرْعَنُ والدُغُـف 

3. Confessions of an Unmedicated Onomatomaniac

A Vocabulary for the Raw, Wild, and Solitary.

Being an unmedicated logo-lexophile, the following is a list of words for natural things which I happen to also love. What to say: Lots and lots of love.


• Pluviophile (n): Lover of rain; someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days.


• Petrichorophile: Lover of the distinct, earthy scent produced when rain falls on dry soil. (The ultimate sibling of Pluviophile).


• Astrophile: Lover of stars.


• Ceraunophile: Lover of lightning and thunder.


• Chionophile: Lover of cold weather and snow. 


• Dendrophile: Lover of trees.


• Nemophilist: Lover of the forest, fond of its scenery and solitude; a haunter of the woods.


• Nyctophile: Lover of night or darkness.


• Selenophile: Lover of the moon.


• Heliophile: Lover of the sun.


• Opacarophile: Lover of sunsets.


• Thalassophile: Lover of the sea.


• Limnophile: Lover of lakes. 


• Hodophile: Lover of roads, travelling. 


• Autophile: Lover of solitude, being alone.


• Anemophile: Lover of wind; someone who finds peace, clarity, and life in a gusting breeze.


• Nephophile: Lover of clouds; a constant seeker of shapes and shifting shadows in the daytime sky.

Cremnophile: Lover of cliffs, ridges, and steep mountain slopes. (Perfect for the rugged terrain of the coast).


You may love all the above even more while enjoying a glass of wine or three because...

• Oenophile: Lover of wines, connoisseur.

4. The Spectrum of the Fluid Psyche

Beyond the Veils of Cultural Monoliths.

To strip away the protective illusions of tradition, religion, or family is to look the actual reality of the world in the face. For the younger generations navigating spaces where these matters remain heavily tabooed, discovering these concepts isn’t just about learning new words or to enhance one’s vocabulary — it is about realising that human nature refuses to be permanently entrapped in any single cultural box. You also understand life through the words. Because there is always a bigger picture. 

For anyone inherently interested in psychology and philosophy, topics like drugs and sexuality, along with dreams and consciousness, remain essential material. Through these, one better understands the inner psyche as well as the Human Condition in its entirety. The following are some lesser-known terms to be acquainted with.

It remains however worthy of note that when it comes to sexuality in particular, labels may still be just labels — since sexuality is too fluid to entrap in boxes. It is not polar, not black and white, as there are various shades of grey in between. A reason why we find new words being “invented”, and new letters and colours added with almost every generation.


• Demisexual: A person only attracted to someone with whom they have a very close emotional bond. Feelings do not develop until they have known a person for a long time and feel emotionally connected.

• Greysexual/Graysexual: Someone who experiences occasional, conditional, and/or very mild sexual attraction, existing in the fluid space between asexuality and regular attraction.


• Pansexual: Also known as Omnisexual. Someone who is attracted to people regardless of their sex or gender identity; a “gender-blind” capacity for love.


• Polysexual: Someone sexually attracted to many or multiple, but not necessarily all, genders or sexes. 


• Minsexual: Someone attracted to individuals with a masculine gender expression; an attraction to masculinity itself, regardless of whether the person is a man, woman, or non-binary.


• Ceterosexual: Previously referred to as “Skoliosexual”. Someone explicitly attracted to non-binary or genderqueer individuals.


• Polyamory: The practice of having more than one romantic or sexual partner simultaneously with the explicit consent of all involved.

Distinct from Polygamy (which legally/traditionally implies multiple spouses), and distinct from Polyandry (which specifically denotes multiple husbands). Polyamory literally translates from Greek and Latin as “multiple loves”.


• Queer: One of the most fascinating linguistic evolutions in modern history. Originally a 16th-century English word meaning “strange,” “peculiar,” or “eccentric,” it was heavily weaponised as a derogatory slur for decades. Today, it has been completely reclaimed as an expansive, proud umbrella term for anyone whose identity or orientation falls outside traditional heteronormative boxes — proving that language can be captured, flipped, and repurposed for liberation.

The Blueprint Check: For the uninitiated, the “Q” in the global LGBTQ acronym carries a dual history. Emerging dynamically around the late 1990s and early 2000s, it was originally introduced to signify Questioning — representing individuals still actively exploring their orientation or identity beyond default societal expectations. Today, it comfortably represents both Queer and Questioning.

“The Universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose.”

― J.B.S. Haldane, Possible Worlds

For a deeper exploration of how primal sonic expression unlocks hidden human desires, read the full case study on the 2017 exposé, The Intertwining of Music and Sexuality ― A Djembefola’s Tale.

5. French Paradoxes: From Lagging Brains to Unmet Desires

The Architecture of Frustration.

• L’esprit de l’escalier: Also known as L’esprit d’escalier (lit. “staircase wit” or “wit of the staircase”), is a French term used in English for the predicament of thinking of the perfect retort too late; that unpleasant feeling when the witty comeback you wish you had delivered only comes after the conversation is already over; hindsight wit or afterwit; repartee thought of too late, on the way home for instance — or at the top or bottom of the stairs. It is sometimes referred to as “escalator wit” in English.

The name of the phenomenon and origin of the idiom comes from French encyclopedist and philosopher Denis Diderot’s description of such a situation in his Paradoxe sur le Comédien (Paradox of the Actor), originally published in 1830. 

Since we’re at it, 

• Femme mal baisée: Cruelly but accurately translated in French dictionaries as: Femme frustrée, insatisfaite, insupportable qui n’a pas eu sa dose quotidienne de sexe pour être assez aimable.

Coming across this French expression, which has no direct single-word translation to English, one is instantly reminded by a few people ― females as well as males. In English, it literally translates into “badly fucked”. In other words, “a woman who isn’t getting any”. It is usually used when describing a frustrated, intolerable, unsatisfied woman. According to the expression, the reason why they are unable to be loving and pleasant is that they didn’t get their healthy dose of sex… and Love.

A funny memory is that when first sharing the above linguistic bit back in 2021, the post received an angry emoji response ― from some woman, of course. 



Et voilà. À la prochaine.



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Bizarre Random Facts

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Woman Who Came Again — 24 Years Later

*All articles part of the Memoirs of an Incognito Friend series are intended for a mature audience. Viewer discretion is advised.

You may remember one of the earliest articles in the Memoirs of an Incognito Friend series: The Girl Who Came. The following is another experience my buddy went through with the same passionate girl, now a passionate woman, only that it is 24 full years later. True storytelling material. Insane? Yes. Rare? Absolutely. Happy to report that she did come this time as well.


On their first encounter he was 18 while she must have been sweet 16. They met several times during the following year then they both dropped out of the radar. About 15 years later he found out through social media that she had left the country and got married. By that time he had also left; so social media became how they remained in contact despite the thousands of kilometers separating them.

Almost 10 more years had passed when the woman suggested it would be cool to meet up after all this time. He certainly agreed, yet was not too sure if it would happen. His reasoning was — and likely still is — when one is open to whatever life throws at them amazing things occur. Without forcing it or obsessing about it, if it is meant to happen, it will.

Then once when they both travelled back for visits she called him to try to make it happen. But it didn’t.

The following year they were both back again. This time they managed to meet. My buddy was enjoying some beach time and invited her over for a couple of nights. This was his first time to reunite with someone he was seeing 24 years prior. The same for her. So as with all first times, there was some unparalleled excitement from his part and probably from hers as well.

He had already experienced reuniting with an old flame as you may remember from Reliving a One-Night Stand...13 Years Later. He equally experienced being with a woman he has known for a similar number of years as you may remember from 22 Years Later — Once Teenagers Now Adults, however nothing had happened back then. So this remained as fresh and as novel as it can get. 

On that fateful day my buddy opened the door to welcome her in. As soon as they were inside the house she approached to give him one wet and sloppy kiss, which he happily returned. He instantly then remembered how much of a good kisser she was — and still is. Shortly after they were all over each other, ending with wildly getting it on on the couch. Understandably, this first one was a quickie. But a mighty hot quickie.

He poetically later said: “It seems that each and every nerve ending of my body remembers her; it is like coming back home after a long, distant journey”.

This was probably why his body exploded in ecstasy few minutes through despite the fact that he can usually control himself, often waiting for his partner to cum first. But, he knew he needed to get this extra surplus out of the way to be able to carry on later on a cooler level. He would have relieved himself earlier as we sometimes do, but from what I understood, she passed by earlier in the day so there was no time.

Speaking of premature ejaculation, or what is more colloquially known as cumming too fast for men, my buddy remembers an older woman he was in bed with once in his early 20s and who once told him: If it is that good [that you’re getting there fast], then enjoy it. We can always do it again. Some wisdom here. Truly, if you try not to cum by thinking of wars or sports, you can only last so much. You are just delaying it. But, you're not in the Here and Now; you are somewhere else in your mind, which may not be the key. That is why we have quickies. Afterwards one can last longer as we ought to return the favour and get them there as well. With practice and mindfulness one can later upgrade to Tantric sex, during which orgasms are not the goal. But then if and when it happens, possibly hours later, you simply explode on a much deeper and personal level.     

Back to our horny couple...

What followed are two or three hours of catching up, face-to-face this time. Apparently he found out that the woman is happily married as she has been faithful to her husband for over 15 years. Yet, she needed to revitalise her life by adding a tad bit of excitement into it while still not wanting to cheat on her hubby. So she openly, and boldly, shared with him the idea of shagging someone during her trip. And open-mindedly the man agreed. 

That lucky someone happened to be our guy. Because as she confessed to him, whatever they had back then was still ingrained on her inner core. The lust was also still there. So now that they were both “grown-ups” and not teenagers she wanted it again. 

After a few drinks and some magical smoke it was time for number two. Who could blame them, really. This time it was in the bedroom and even more steamy. 

They had a home-cooked dinner that night then went to bed.

The next day after breakfast while the guy was sitting on the couch the woman came closer and began touching him all over. It didn’t take long that he took his shorts off and gave it to her warm-blooded mind and curvy body — slower this time to make sure she really gets to climax in Seventh Heaven. And she did. The window was wide open so anyone passing by could have seen them. They were both, however, quite fine with it, even aroused by the idea. As the possibility of being seen having wild sex turned them deviants on.

Finally the day after, she bid him farewell and went on her way.

The rare experience left them both elated for some time. As she shared later, she went back to her life a different person, feeling invigorated and revitalised. The encounter also made her regain her confidence and self esteem along a certain reassurance in herself, her womanhood, and her sexiness. As such, it was a healing experience she had been longing for in a while. 

As for my buddy, the novelty such experience offers keeps him young at heart. One of his life philosophies — which I agree with — is that to stop doing new things is to start dying. With the Big Picture in mind, and in a rather unselfish way, being part of a healing experience of someone he likes and cares about comes close to conquering any orgasm his physical body may have had when they were together.    

They promised to meet again before another 24 years. Ha.


Until the next adventure of my incognito friend.

ALSO VIEW:

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Woman Who Came Again — 24 Years Later 

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Caught Hiding Under The Sink... Naked

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Affair With an Older Married Woman

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: 22 Years Later — Once Teenagers Now Adults

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Neighbour’s Lustful Guest

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Ten Days with a Charming Older Woman

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Another Sex Party 

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Mother of Six Who Drove for 50 Hours

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: A Woman, Her Girlfriend, and the Girlfriend’s Friend

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Threesome With Two Virgins

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Sex Party 

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Three Girls, One Perfume 

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The 17-Year-Old Lebanese Belly Dancer

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Reliving a One-Night Stand...13 Years Later

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Nine-Months-Pregnant Woman

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Girl Who Came

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Stain on the Levi’s Shirt

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Italian Belly Dancer









      

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Caught Hiding Under The Sink... Naked

*All articles part of the Memoirs of an Incognito Friend series are intended for a mature audience. Viewer discretion is advised.


After another brief hiatus, the Memoirs of my Incognito Friend are back!

Now this is a story from 25 years ago when my bud was in his late teens. He had a girlfriend at the time with whom he discovered sex, so they were going at it like mad rabbits. You may remember them from the earlier The Stain on the Levi’s Shirt — one of only two repeated heroines in all stories covered in the series.

At this age, the new experience causes lots of emotional and psychological thrills. 

As such, one day they were at her place when the phone rang. It was her older sister who somehow knew she had company. The girl hung up the phone before asking the guy to hide. What? Why? My sister is coming! Oh shoot!

I don’t think there was time for him to flee the scene as the sister, who is about 10 or 12 years older, lives nearby. So hiding it was.

Thing is, he was essentially naked with nothing but her Inspector Clouseau trench coat on, which upon the hurried mayhem was the only thing he found close by. The girl then led her boyfriend to the kitchen, opened the small door of the cabinet underneath the sink, and asked him to get in. Then a few minutes later it was indeed the bell. Hmm.

The guy heard some commotion as the sisters were shouting at each other. The older was almost sure her sister had company while the latter was shamelessly shouting back: How could you even think I will get a guy to the family house?! 

For a moment there, our poor fella thought it was going to pass and the sister will eventually leave. But he was wrong. The shouting kept getting closer and closer and closer… until suddenly the door of the cabinet was opened and there he was staring at her sister in the eyes. Woooops.

Now you have to picture this: He’s sitting on his behind while hugging his knees with only the coat on and nothing underneath. So if he tried to get up, his junk will be exposed for both to see. While it’s no issue his girlfriend sees his nude jewels, you don’t really want to flash the older sister, especially after getting caught red-handed in such a way. The only thing he did was stay put. As the older sister kept lecturing the girlfriend even more while standing there in the middle of the kitchen, he did not utter a single word and, of course, no movement.

After about five minutes — which seemed like aeons — the sisters left the kitchen, allowing him to get up and head to the bedroom to reach his clothes. But the kiddo was so shaken by the moment, he reached whatever he found around, ending up with wearing the girl’s jeans and/or her shirt. He then followed both sisters outside the house and into the lift down. It was quite an awkward minute in that enclosed elevator. 

Once in the streets, he went towards the other direction the girls were going before stopping a cab. Only then did he realise that his money is in his jeans. He got in anyways and borrowed money from his doorman upon arrival.

Now the aftermath: The girlfriend called him up later to instruct him on how to fix the situation. Apparently, he had to call the older sister the next day and apologise. And he had to call at certain point of the day, so that her hubby wouldn’t be around the house. And that’s what he did.

“Hello. Hi, … . I want to say I’m really sorry about yesterday. Your sister had just got me some clothes from her recent trip and I was trying them on when the bell rang. So we freaked out and I hid. Sorry again.”

He then took it even further: “I’m in love with your sister and would love to marry her one day,” said the 17-year-old kid. Pfffff. Sorry, just couldn’t hold it. Pff.   


Despite the many wacky adventures that followed, he never really got caught again. Close but no cigar. And THAT time he did, older him handled it like a Sultan.


Until the next adventure of my incognito friend.

ALSO VIEW:

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Woman Who Came Again — 24 Years Later 

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Caught Hiding Under The Sink... Naked

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Affair With an Older Married Woman

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: 22 Years Later — Once Teenagers Now Adults

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Neighbour’s Lustful Guest

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Ten Days with a Charming Older Woman

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Another Sex Party 

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Mother of Six Who Drove for 50 Hours

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: A Woman, Her Girlfriend, and the Girlfriend’s Friend

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Threesome With Two Virgins

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Sex Party 

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Three Girls, One Perfume 

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The 17-Year-Old Lebanese Belly Dancer

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Reliving a One-Night Stand...13 Years Later

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Nine-Months-Pregnant Woman

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Girl Who Came

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Stain on the Levi’s Shirt

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Italian Belly Dancer

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Affair With an Older Married Woman

*All articles part of the Memoirs of an Incognito Friend series are intended for a mature audience. Viewer discretion is advised.


Following another brief hiatus, the erotic adventures are back once again [for the renegade master]!

During his early 20s my buddy met an older American woman, D, at the gym. Being around 30 years of age, she was 8-10 years older. One day they exchanged phone numbers and on that same night she called him up, pretending to be returning the call. When he explained that he never called her home phone or left a message — along his first name — to whoever answered, she asked if he wanted to pass by her.

Hm. He had just taken his then-girlfriend home; in fact, he was on the way back in the car. Without much thinking, he agreed before going home to get ready then headed there.



One thing he recalls is that D didn’t want the porter to see him going up. This is a common thing foreign or expat single women worry about in Egypt among Arab countries. More so 20 years ago than it is today. So as she suggested, he snuck into the building and went up the stairs rather than use the elevator. 



Another thing he clearly recalls is her huge boobs. And by huge, he means Samantha Fox HUGE, when the bra cup size belongs to the rarely used category of letters such as GG or something. For that reason — or so he thought — when things progressed between them she would never take her top off, even when everything else including the bra were gone. She also had long, curly blonde hair that complemented her angelic face.

On that memorable night in her flat, one thing led to the next, ending up in the bedroom. Following the passionate kissing and stimulating foreplay, they went all the way. Like for many other guys, doing an older woman had always been a raunchy fantasy for the young chap. As he matured it became somewhat of a preference as you can deduct from all the other articles part of the Memoirs series previously shared. So when it finally happened he gave it [her] his all. Literally. The sex was so steamy, it lasted for hours.

Eventually when done they were laying on the bed when D said: “I want you to know that I’m married.” Apparently she was afraid he would mind. The guy, however, didn’t. “I have a girlfriend,” he responded right back at her. Aha. So the situation was equal for both.

It is worth noting that the cheeky guy sort of knew about her being married. That is because right after they first met he happened to take a glimpse at her gym membership application, in which was written that she was indeed married. He sure appreciated her honesty on that first encounter and [hence] was encouraged to come clean as well. 

After the  pillow-talk confessions they did it again. Mayhap they both felt a tad lighter. It seemed to my bud that she hadn’t had sex in a while, because she was a beast in bed. And he meant that in a good way — great way, actually. Finally, after all was said and done by 3:00 am he kissed her goodbye before leaving, also through the stairs. Once again, he stealthily exited the building without being detected... à la MacGyver.    



The next day his young girlfriend was at his place when she tried to approach him with shagging shown all over her face. Thing is, his joystick was extremely sore from the previous night. It was the kind of pain one gets after jumping for hours, then some more hours. That’s in addition to all the muscle pain throughout his entire body. Apparently, the soreness and irritation were visible, rendering his shlong quite red. So without much thinking, my buddy went on to tell her how the day before he managed to hurt his manhood while zipping his pants; this was something he had endured in real before, so he knew. He also took it out for her to inspect.

“Oohh, poor you.” 


No doubts, whatsoever. 


Mission accomplished.

My buddy and D went on to meet a few times, in secret. Once, he recalls, he had sex with both, his then-girlfriend and D, just hours apart. The very idea that he was inside one woman right after being inside another different woman was obviously such an ego boost for the young, mischievous chap. Nevertheless, he still had a whole lot to learn about life, women, relationships, and Truth. After a while, my buddy and D vanished from each other’s lives, leaving behind only but a sweet and sexy memory.


As always, whenever the stories said bud shares with me involve cheating, I feel compelled to clarify that it is not as cool as our younger selves used to think. It took us, however, more years and experimentation to reach such insight. I hold that we cheated because we could, rather than because we were not satisfied in our relationships. For all the thrill and excitement and rush and adrenaline resulting from doing something [dangerous] we shouldn’t be doing. Despite the fact that we never went to look for such adventures they still, somehow, occurred.

Truth is, if you’re not happy in a relationship, just leave; either remain single in the first place and enjoy the freedom or find someone else. As simple as that. It is certainly much healthier than remaining in dysfunctional relationships — for oneself as well as for the partner(s).



Until the next adventure of my incognito friend.

ALSO VIEW:

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Woman Who Came Again — 24 Years Later 

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Caught Hiding Under The Sink... Naked

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Affair With an Older Married Woman

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: 22 Years Later — Once Teenagers Now Adults

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Neighbour’s Lustful Guest

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Ten Days with a Charming Older Woman

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Another Sex Party 

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Mother of Six Who Drove for 50 Hours

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: A Woman, Her Girlfriend, and the Girlfriend’s Friend

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Threesome With Two Virgins

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Sex Party 

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Three Girls, One Perfume 

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The 17-Year-Old Lebanese Belly Dancer

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: Reliving a One-Night Stand...13 Years Later

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Nine-Months-Pregnant Woman

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Girl Who Came

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Stain on the Levi’s Shirt

Memoirs of an Incognito Friend: The Italian Belly Dancer

The Art of Approaching Women

I was at party recently where my eyes came across a marvellous blonde. We exchanged a few smiley eye contacts throughout the night until I finally found myself standing near her by the buffet. “Found myself” means it was based on a conscious decision while appearing that it just happened organically. I then said something about the grape leaves being served without the yoghurt/cucumber spread, which led to a bit of a chit-chat.

The woman was truly good looking as she was also friendly. Though as I came to find out, there was a reason for her openness and friendliness; and it’s because we’ve met three years prior at the same place on the Northern Coast of Egypt. It was only once but we did speak quite a bit, and I remember her saying she lived in Paris. Being both Egyptians residing abroad and visiting home, we kind of clicked.

Fastforward three years to that party night when, yet again, I asked her if she lives in Egypt and she said no, Paris. Along her first name, this was the key to the memory. Unlike loopy-headed me, apparently she remembered our earlier interaction, hence the friendly smiles and eye contacts.

We carried on chatting for a while before I said goodbye and left the party. When I reached the gate a voice in me head was like: “Is that it? Go connect with her. Three years... take it a sign, who knows. Keep your options open, Dude.” Alright, voice; we’ll do this. So I turned right around and went back in to where she was sitting.

“Uhm, do you have Facebook or Instagram or something?” To which she replied she’s not on social media, at all.

That, too, I remembered. Because I did ask her the same three years ago and got the same answer. Though only when she said ‘No’ did I remember.

“Well, I reached the door but turned around to come ask you,” I said — which now sounds like I was trying to make her feel guilty. Luckily, however, the radiant smile drawn upon her face as she took the phone out of her pocket didn’t spell “Ugh”.

“I do have Whatsapp,” she exclaimed. Sure. I gave her both my numbers, the American and the Egyptian, and said goodbye again before leaving for real this time. 



The lovely blonde woman never reached out, and I don’t have her digits. So that was it, probably. But you know what? I’m a satisfied man. With the motto “Do what makes a good story”, it took me quite a long time to be open to such opportunities and to muster the strength to act upon my instinct without caring much about the outcome. Instead of spending my whole life thinking “What if?”, I taught myself how to listen to the voice — which may seem dangerous unless you first trust voice. Simply because other voices sometimes convince people to kill and rape among other nasty things. So yes, we must trust the voice(s) before acting upon what it says.

From right to left with Megan, Monique, Kaelin.
Initial caption read: Thank you Venice Beach for making me feel 
like a Rock God

 

Much like seduction, approaching women is an actual art. But before you attempt to seduce, you must first approach. Perhaps The Art of Seducing Women should follow this article as a sequel. Based on what will transpire in those first few moments, a chance to actually seduce may or may not offer itself. So it remains of importance to know how to properly approach. A reason why there is an abundance of books and articles about just that. One of which is a book with the same title as this article Alpha Male: The Art Of Approaching Women by James Marcus. Another, which a friend suggested after reading mine is Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson.

Why all these instructions and how-tos?, one may wonder.

Well honestly, it’s because a significant number of men don’t know how to practice this art. While some are naturally shy, others lack experience. Though for many, it seems to be a certain degree of both. This combination renders them nervous and makes them feel intimidated, leaving them with nothing to say whenever standing there. That is, if they proceed to approach the woman they have in mind. Though more often than not, their low self confidence convinces them that being rejected isn’t worth it; already implying, even if subconsciously, that they will get rejected. So they don’t venture out of their comfort zones and end up losing the opportunity. Time after time after time, building more and more frustrations in the process.

To deal with the accumulated frustration, those same men will oftentimes find elaborate excuses to justify their lack of courage. Even worse, when and if rejected, they could start talking ill of the woman behind her back. “Oh, she turned out to be a lesbian”, or “she’s a coke head”. I’ve heard these myself. True story.

For some of the men who do approach and talk to women, it’s challenging not to appear like horndogs or total knobheads when around them. Let alone chat them up or make them smile or laugh in that first 30 seconds of the encounter.

Fortunately for humanity — and for the survival of our gene pool — just like any and all art forms there are some men who excel at it. But also since it’s art, there is always a chance to improve. While some guys may be born a tad more charming or with a developed wit gene, there is still a lot to be learned along the way through none other than life experience.

Back to my example, in numbers, out of ten approaches such as the above maybe eight do reach out. Then out of those eight, maybe seven end up with us being connected online, leaving the last one for that one-time message or call before we disappear from each other’s lives. Note that, unlike what some may think, and unlike what most of the how-to books and articles focus on, I don’t approach women with “dating” or “having sex” in mind. But rather, just to connect — for a start. Truly, out of the seven with whom I connect there is probably a real attraction from my part towards only one or two. With the rest we simply become connected. 



 

We all smile in the same language

“Then why do you go talk to women?” [if getting them in your bed is not your sole motivational force] I was asked multiple times during various guy talks.

Well, it depends. But there are more than one reason.

Sometimes just to share a compliment. Because I hold that if we see something beautiful in or on someone, we should let them know.

Thing is, once the distinction between Love and attachment is made clear, you’ll reckon that it is rather natural to admire without desire; to find some people attractive without actually ‘liking’ or “falling in love” with them. The appeal could very well be only for the eyes, and it doesn’t have to be for the mind or heart as well. That said, in such cases usually it’s totally spontaneous — occurring on the subconscious level. Meaning, I almost don’t think about whatever my mouth ends up uttering. But frequently, I get a smile in return, which is the best way to start a conversation with a woman.

Speaking of, I’ve learned through the years that complimenting a woman works best if you get specific; such as nails, eye-colour, hair, or boots. It’s much more authentic as it shows that you have noticed said unique feature, implying that you have been attentive to her. It also doesn’t really fall under blatant “picking/chatting up” compared to a general cliché like “You’re so beautiful/sexy” used by those who, perhaps, lack a decent vocabulary and are not creative enough to think of juicier alternatives. 

 

After all, it seems that if a “playboy” is to resume the same lifestyle into adulthood, then he should evolve as he undergoes a metamorphosis into a more mature “ladies’ man”.   

In some cases, however, the females receiving the compliments take it as a sign that you actually fancy them when you don’t. Perhaps because this is what they got used to from pushy and non-pushy guys alike. So occasionally I may not get the smile or the “thank you” I usually get; probably because they think I’m trying to pick them up. But I absolutely don’t care since I never expect anything in return.

Obviously, before making The move we have to consider where we are in the world and in which culture complimenting women in the street is acceptable. In sunny Venice Beach for instance, “Stunning dress” or “I love your hat” may very well be a successful conversation starter with a stranger; the same in Southern France and Italy. In Sycamore, Illinois, it’s not likely to happen. In El Minya in Upper Egypt, simple flattering remarks such as these would probably get you in trouble. “Context”, then, is something to remember before complimenting strangers. 
 

It is no wonder that “Heaven” is usually depicted as somewhere 
full of beautiful women

Another reason I make the effort to go talk to someone I have never met before is to connect with possible like-minded souls — to find the Others. In actuality, I rarely, if ever, ask women for a date or give out my phone number whenever first approaching them. This excludes our example here when they’re not on social media and live in another country. Instead, I tell them I’m a writer/photographer/drummer and about One Lucky Soul, on Facebook as well as the Blog, and let them reach me if they wish.

As such, there is no pressure or awkwardness. But on the contrary, I simply throw the ball in their court and forget about it. If I actually fancy them I will playfully ‘court’ them by doing just that, not chase them. What comes next depends on the response. If they are interested, it will show. Simple. 
By reading the situation in such a way I save myself lots of time, effort, energy.... and avoidable rejections. 

Throughout the same past years, I further came to notice that whenever asked by strangers about what I did for life and [back in the days] said a sales manager I was rarely asked what I sold. Now when I say “a writer” I’m often asked what I write about, and overall they seem more interested.

 Neato.


Again, in Venice Beach, and particularly at the Venice Beach Drum Circle, my element, I devised a brilliant way to speak to certain women: After walking up to them to say hello or to ask if they are enjoying it, I invite them to Full Lunacy: The monthly Full Moon drum circle my friends and I organise at Dockweiler Beach in Los Angeles — hosted by One Lucky Soul.

The reason it usually works is because if they appear to be having a good time in Venice, it is likely they will enjoy the cosier, more private circle around the fire under the full moon. And those who make it do enjoy it; many of whom actually happen to have a blast and keep coming back. One cannot offer the same invitation to a woman they first meet at a Death Metal concert and expect she’ll be delighted. So, again, “context” remains crucial when making your move.

As mentioned, this way they have time — and freedom — to check me out online, view videos from past events, and decide for themselves if they would like to get to see me again, know me better, and/or stay in touch. On top of the safety such outdoor beach gatherings offer, it is far from any sleazy or horny chat-up lines intended to ask them out on a date. Still, I am inviting them to an event I am personally hosting, showing that I do want to see them again, though coolly rather than pushily.    

Leaving them with the invitation is also a great way to end your first interaction. Things like: “I’d love to see you there.” “If you like this, then you’ll really enjoy Full Lunacy”. “Bring your friends”. “Check out the details on the event page on Facebook.” I smile then leave. The more you practice this art, the more it will come out naturally, the better you’ll be at it. Editing out stuff each time, adding a pun here, linking this with that. Just like a piece of writing or a tableau you’ve been working on for a while and close to perfecting, it just happens. 

*Throws ball

A genuinely natural smile is one of the most beautiful features a 
woman could possess

Nowadays, social media profiling seems to be imperative when meeting new people. It makes a huge difference as it makes the process much easier and faster. Not just in the dating world, but with people in general. Personally, it is one of three options: My type — as I like what I see and curious and interested to know more, which doesn’t happen too often since it still remains a shallow and superficial way to; or someone new to add to our circle of friends and acquaintances, or rarely, I don’t want anything to do with this person. Simple, for the person you just met and for oneself.

Connecting, after all, is one of the benefits of social media. In the book I am currently reading, The Business of Being a Writer, Jane Friedman shares that social media is a relationship builder. Indeed. When I founded One Lucky Soul, the blog and community, and began communicating with readers, little did I know that such new bonds can one day outgrow virtuality and materialise in the real world. Through the past few years, I have made plenty of connections with people scattered around the globe. In fact, I have bonded with some through the Internet like I haven’t with real friends. I also came to meet — in real life — new like-minded souls via that same wonderful medium. I did find the Others while the Others found me.

Looking back to a mere 25 years ago when I was a teenager, things have notoriously changed when it comes to communication. We had to exchange home phone numbers with girls and end up calling and having the dad answer; or them calling and my dad answers, which was fine in my house, but I’m sure for them it was different story.

Having said that, it prompted me to once write: The new generations will never experience the thrill of calling your crush at home and having the dad answer. Now the Internet is changing the very essence of the way we communicate, leading to closer connections.

Another thing I recall is sending handwritten letters to my aunt in Los Angeles, which took from two to three weeks to reach her. Seriously. Something I remember these days every time I click on a few buttons to connect with her through WhatsApp. 


Back to women... most of my approaches those past four years ended with friendship. Again, I approach them as individuals, persons, or even souls, rather than “bitchez”, “pussies”, or “potential shags”. Communication, for me, is what leads to real intimacy, not sex. Because if truthful, it leads to seeing the naked soul of the other person while gently exposing yours; beyond the mask we all tend to wear; the unedited version.

This nakedness is the ultimate seduction. For it allows us to share how we experience the world with someone else on a much deeper level. Hence, calling approaching women — and seducing them — an art.  So this is where I start. If we do connect and she seduces my mind, dating and/or sex may or may not follow. Yet it seems that it will always be better than if we had started with the physical — a nugget of truth which makes more sense the more one matures.

Further, I stopped following my penis brain a while back. That is besides being selective when it comes to sharing my energy and time. Therefore, only about one case out of 10 results in something more than mere flirting. This ranges from simple make out to full-time sex. 




So to answer the repetitive question I’m often asked by guys, we can say that I approach women to find more like-minded souls, possibly enlarging the One Lucky Soul circle. Needless to say, also because I love women. And it has little to do with sexuality, and whole lot to do with openness, truthfulness, communication, companionship, and the naked soul.   

On a parallel note, Why I Choose to Remain a Non-Dad for Now — Reflections on Being Childless, When Selective Men Reject Women, and Things I Miss From Being in a Relationship are earlier reflective pieces dealing with the topic from many different angles.

Bam! At least they’re being creative here.

Now, if you happen to be a part of the significant number of males who don’t know how to talk to women, especially if you just met, reckon that there are ways to fix it.

Something to note is that the more we build confidence and work on our communication/conversation skills, the more open we become, the more approaching strangers — women as well as men — comes natural to us without any tension or nervousness. 

You see, one thing to remember when you, a male, find yourself in such a situation: The woman may very well be just as shy as you, perhaps even more. So as you gather the courage to go speak to her, do not think you’re all alone then and there as both of you are part of the dance. And it does take two to Tango.

More to remember is to make eye contact as you speak to them, which with enough confidence shouldn’t be a problem.

In case of complementing them, be as unique as possible. Use interesting, descriptive language while staying away from repetitive clichés. 

Lastly, don’t take yourself, or the situation, too seriously. For humour remains our best ally. Though staying away from corny and cheesy pick-up lines is probably a good idea; because women of the world have yawned themselves to sleep over them and those who use them.

If serious about acquiring or mastering these conversation skills, one can skim through Google to learn more. Yep. Simply type How to Improve/master your conversation skills and there you’ll have it. I won’t add any links herein because they are too many. Nevertheless, nothing beats experience; for it is the real Guru. So after reading on, don’t be shy to apply the knowledge you have gathered along the way. Time to have fun. Good Luck! But do tell me first: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?


As we have seen, approaching women is an art — just like seducing them. But it may be even more important. Simply because without a proper approach, there wouldn’t be any chance, or time, for seduction. The more we practice, as the higher the number of trials, the higher our chances of succeeding. Possibilities and Probabilities, Baby. Apart from self-confidence, one key to success goes back to not caring about the response, as not to take it personal in case rejected. That’s in addition to being reasonable about who we approach. 

Most women are intuitive by nature, allowing them to be able to tell from the guys’ vibes whenever the latter proceed to make their move. When they sense they are being treated charmingly and respectfully the chances of not being rejected, even of being successful, increase exponentially. Add to that a tad bit of humour and you’re set. Whatever transpires, this way you will not spend your life regretting that you chickened out and lost a certain opportunity. Also, this way you will end up with lots and lots of fun stories to share.


Find The Others. I will end this article by quoting Timothy Leary in the following excerpt from his famous quote: “Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find The Others.” Do it.

ALSO VIEW:


Why I Choose to Remain a Non-Dad for Now — Reflections on Being Childless

When Selective Men Reject Women

Things I Miss From Being in a Relationship

What’s the Story with Blue Balls (and Blue Vulva)

Codependency: What Being Addicted to Someone Means

The Intertwining of Music and Sexuality ― A Djembefola’s Tale

Why Some Women Point Their Feet When Aroused 

Not Sleeping With a French Hooker at 14

The Night I Became a Stripper in Spain
  
Arugula: The Healthy Ancient Aphrodisiac

Who Are We?

My Journey Towards Self-Transcendence

What Being Conscious Means

Personal Questions I'm Often Asked and Their Answers.