One Lucky Soul: Photos I Shot That Brought Tears To My Eyes

Photos I Shot That Brought Tears To My Eyes by Omar Cherif, One Lucky Soul

“Reuniting”

Life is made of up of captured moments frozen in time. Our relationships, interactions, and time spent together become the memories which the heart and soul never forget.

The global instances in the following list-photo-article took place over a period of four or five years. Starting in September 2010 when relocating to Canada where I was recovering from years of leading a toxic lifestyle of self-medicating, to the next move to the U.S, which ended with five years in Venice Beach. During this decade-long trip I would return to Egypt on occasions. So the storytelling photography also spans over three different countries.

For context, one thing you come to learn from recovery from addiction is Emotional Sobriety. Following the initial physical sobriety, it transcends merely abstaining from ingesting addictive substances while equipping the individual with the necessary skills to maintain this state of non-dependence.  

Emotional sobriety entails the ability to feel one’s feelings after a time of numbing them down. It is an integral stage of the healing process, which tends to be mired in guilt and shame, and therefore can be overwhelming. Depending on how long one has been numb, all the feelings and sensations come back with a vengeance — awakened from their slumber.

“Do you realise how much money you’ve wasted over the years? More importantly, can you fathom all the pain you had caused to your parents and loved ones, all the chaos to your nervous system?”  That is the internal monologue, which if not regulated can carry on and on and on... until it embodies the poor-little-me mindset of the victim mentality, taking over the psyche and entire being.

So as you can see, there is still some blaming, shaming, and self-loathing to deal with it. While again it is challenging to go through such thoughts and emotions, they remain a crucial step of the healing journey.

Sometimes people can get stuck in the emotional sobriety stage without learning how to bypass it. “I am so weak”, “I screwed my family!”, “I lost all my money” are mantras on a loop they keep reminding themselves with. With such in mind, the “poor lil me” mindset takes over their lives. Even though they are not doing their drug of choice or drinking anymore, they still have not yet fully recovered; certainly haven’t yet reached their full potential. They remain in limbo, in a state of waiting: “I am a recovering addict and that is all I am” is all the association they identify with. It is like they are afraid to become something or someone else past recovery; afraid of the next step which is yet another change 

Some of those people can be found attending AA or NA programs for years and years, seemingly never fully letting go of the past or turning the page. For it truly is hard to move forward when you make your past your entire personality.

And in one way, we can say good for them for remaining clean. Yet in another we can’t help but imagine what it would be like for them to carry on life without these meetings where they are constantly forced to remember a part of them that has supposedly been left in the past. Doing so would give space to new possibilities and opportunities — Rebirth, Rejuvenation, Recalibration.

But then again, we are all wired differently and to each their own unique way to deal with their inner demons. This then also leads us to those who learn how to Dance With Their Demons, which in my opinion is the key to a more truthful and fulfilling existence.

Once this time with the self is out of the system, the self-talk becomes kinder, and therefore there is enough energy to learn to love oneself again and care for it. Or perhaps learn self-love for the first time. For it is never ever too late.

Now that you know the background of this period of time you may enjoy the article even more.

I. I captured the above photograph in May of 2011 during the Japanese Cherry Blossom week in High Park in Toronto — my first there. It was also my first Canon [EOS Rebel XS] which was acquired as soon as arriving from Egypt.

The old Asian man kept his hand on the tree for several minutes while his partner/daughter, and myself, watched peacefully and attentively.

The significance of the Cherry Blossom tree in Japanese culture goes back hundreds of years. For them, the cherry blossom represents the fragility and the beauty of life. It is a spiritual reminder that life is almost overwhelmingly beautiful but that it is also tragically short. There are tales about the power of those trees in granting wishes.

I actually sensed I was witnessing some profound moment and that’s why I felt compelled to capture it on camera... from afar, and without intruding.

It seemed he might have been ready to reunite soon. My eyes were all watery by then.

Your only true disability lies within your own mind

II. The 20th floor view in Toronto overlooked a tennis club with four courts. One sunny morning I was in the balcony when I could see a young boy on a wheelchair playing tennis with a trainer. That was quite a shocker at the time. Because in Egypt, for example, you rarely ever see people on wheelchairs in the streets. Simply because the streets are not equipped for wheelchairs. Here, the young boy was not only outdoors, but he was engaging in a fun, healthy physical activity and enjoying that beautiful day.

I couldn’t help it so I took the camera and went down to get a closer look. I didn’t want to impose or cause any awkwardness by photographing the boy, so I started taking shots all over, as if that’s what I was there for. The photo above is the best one I could capture from behind the fence.

This was quite thought-provoking yet also insightful. Because it made me ponder on how I had my full health, yet willingly chose to screw it up through the toxic lifestyle and self-medicating. While others, who aren’t as fortunate, are not giving up on life and are actually playing sports. It was a genuine reminder that true disability lies nowhere other than within our own minds, as there was something rather hopeful about the sight. Me eyes were all watery by then.

Similar tears came flowing down when i came across a blind man getting on or off the subway oh-so casually.

This as mentioned was the first year of sobriety after seven years of battling with the addiction demons. A period known as Emotional Sobriety is what one goes through following the comparatively brief physical sobriety.

“Glory To Utras Ahly”

III. The sign reads “We Won't Forget You” in Arabic. This view is at the entrance of Al-Ahly Club in Cairo, Egypt and those are the photos of the 72 Ultras martyrs, mostly teenagers, who were brutally murdered after a soccer game several years ago for siding with the revolution against the military regime.

At the time this happened, I was far away in Canada. Taking part in some demonstrations in Toronto and my humble words were all I had to offer. So seeing this face-to-face when I went back for a visit in 2013 was an intense experience which brought a lump to my throat.

The massacre took place in February 2012 and until today the real culprit, as whoever gave the orders to kill those teenagers, remains unknown. The case has probably been “dealt with” .

The Final Straw is an excerpt from an unpublished note which I had written about the whole thing.

“Inspection”
IV. During a camping trip in Ontario, Canada we came across a heard of cows. We stopped the car and I took the camera and went down for a closer look. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who was curious. This cow, probably the leader, was the one that came closer. For a minute or two, I felt that my soul was being carefully inspected. As you can see, the herd was standing further back, away from the fence. Through some peaceful, gentle body language it must have felt I was safe and meant no harm. It then turned around to the rest and signalled to them that it was OK to join.

Once they all came closer I began with some intuitive communication
before starting to shoot as some kind of permission

This special moment of connection — my first with cows — left me ecstatic and in utter awe with a few tears rolling down my cheeks. Since I never got as emotional while performing any other activity, this is when I knew I had to keep shooting for Life. A few years later, the happy tears came back while drumming.  Another sign from down deep inside within my soul.

“Happy Mike” 

V. I first met Mike at the Venice Beach Drum Circle some months ago. I knew he was into singing, but because it’s usually too loud there, I never had to chance to really listen. Yesterday as I was strolling around the Venice Boardwalk with the camera, I heard an angelic, soothing voice, and it was none other than Mike. What a sweet soul. Check out the Video and see for yourselves.

Again, your only true disability is in your mind

VI. Another time at High Park I also came across this lovely young woman during the Japanese Cherry Blossom week. How she is courageously living her life struck me with the force of googillion suns. She was all alone standing there casually making a phone call, looking ravishing and colourful. As if her disability wasn’t even in the equation. How inspirational. You see, rather than spend her life feeling sorry for herself, it’s her positive mindset that is allowing her to shine as such.  A lot to learn here.

Of course I had to be quite discreet when capturing about two or three photos. By then, my face was covered in tears. As mentioned on the second photo, I was still coming back to life and regaining my health following a mere decade of a toxic existence. So my senses were waking up after a long, deep, dark slumber — or hibernation, more likely. And simple, everyday kind of inspirational encounters like these were how the healing was manifesting. Tears then became a reminder of my humanity as well as of overcoming the suffering.   

Tears are how the soul cleanses itself. Embrace them.

EDIT: (May 2021)

Looking back today, I can clearly see how such moments contributed greatly to the healing journey. I had to face my past, go through the motions again and again, before being able to own it and move on. It’s an essential part of the process which catalysed and inspired a wide variety of creative outlets. And indeed, it was on that first year away from the comfort zone among the familiarity of all the “known” that Art in general and writing in particular were taken as vocations.

Onward Forward.

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