Showing posts with label Letting go. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Letting go. Show all posts

Sunday, 19 January 2020

Theory of Mind: Thinking About Thinking and the Benefits of Observing the Observer



Theory of Mind: Thinking About Thinking and the Benefits of Observing the Observer by Omar Cherif, One Lucky Soul

One day some weeks back I spent an entire 55 seconds on my knees in the bedroom looking for a single nail clipping after it flew and landed somewhere. “Why?” would be a reasonable question to ponder, especially that this is no one time thing; for I had repeatedly done the same in the past while cutting my nails outside the bathroom. In fact, I sometimes do it in the bathroom as well. Why not let go of finding that microscopic human claw, one may wonder. You know, it vanished, now life goes on. But non, Monsieur. oftentimes the decisions our minds make are not as simple, straightforward, or black-or-white. For there is a quite the grey area in which it roams. 

While the nail clipping is an example, the following is a thorough psycho-philosophical, psychonautic investigation into the enigmatic and formidable tool we call the human mind, by none other than one of its own kind. That’s the mind-boggling factor in the equation: Can the brain attempt to fathom itself and the very fabric of the thinking process as objectively as possible, away from all judgements and preconceptions, or a bias of some sort will likely always exist?

Such line of thinking resonates with the witty words of Emerson M. Pugh: “If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn’t

Until that one day a different race of beings produce writings about the human mind, we can certainly have a go at it — trying to answer one of the most fundamental question there is: What makes us think, act, and behave in certain ways? What are our choices built upon? In other words, what is the thought process or strategy(ies) adopted by the brain whenever it chooses one option over another? Find the nail clipping versus forgetting about it and carrying on with my day. An existential question with no simple answer.  

Trying to find answers to the above queries, I added herein several quotes by some mammoth spirits who have mastered the elusive quest of understanding Human Nature as well as the Human Condition, giving us a unique chance to reflect upon them. Most of which are by none other than mastermind Carl Jung.

By the end of this exposé, you will look at your own mind in a different light. Hopefully, adding you, too, with one or more novel perspective or self-insight to help you be better acquainted with yourself, while also sharpening your decision-making skills. Simply by digging into this fascinating asset of ours.




Before diving in, let us first identify that which we are discussing herein: Theory of Mind. Apart from the psychological aspect, this “Observing the Observer” is what mystics and philosophers often speak of, highly. It is, in actuality, regarded as the most advanced form of wisdom. However, anyone can do it. Though it takes practice to translate the awareness and observations into something tangible and practical to be applied to one’s life, for the sake of enhancing it. For wisdom is essentially applied knowledge.

Consider those times you “catch yourself” doing something — as I just did — then proceed to wonder, ponder, and reflect upon the action or the moment itself. Observing the observer, then, means to become aware of our own awareness, which entails thinking about our own thinking.

 Note that some of our actions operate on the subconscious level. Knowing that the subconscious, which is the intuitive, emotional mind, is in charge of the brain during a staggering 95 percent of the time, while its conscious counterpart is in control of only five percent, becoming aware of how it operates becomes imperative if we want to lead a balanced, wholesome life. Simply noticing our breath during breathwork exercises is an example of one such activity that enables us to be aware of one autonomic aspect of our existence.

Theory of Mind is defined as the ability to think about mental states, both our own as well as those of others. Not only does it include the ability to attribute mental states, emotions, desires, beliefs, and knowledge, but also refers to the ability to understand that the mental states, emotions, desires, beliefs, and knowledge may be, and most probably are, different from our own.

Theory of Mind is likewise regarded as the innate potential ability to put ourselves in people’s shoes. While some may be born slightly more attuned to their fellow brethren, it usually takes a significant amount of inner work as well as life experiences in the form of social and emotional interactions to be able to do so.

On a parallel note, a closely related concept is Empathetic Awareness. While Theory of Mind is cognitive perspective-taking, empathy is considered emotional perspective-taking. You can read about it in length in my previous exposé: Dealing with High Awareness and Empathic Accuracy.

When fully developed, a healthy combination of both Theory of Mind and Empathic Accuracy allows one to relate to others on a much deeper level; for it involves “reading” people’s thoughts as well as emotions. It is like seeing their naked self; beyond the mask, cloak, persona we all tend to wear when dealing with the outside world. 

Objectively observing how we think and how we feel — our state of being — through impartial eyes without prejudice, judgment, evaluation, calculation, expectation, justification, or conceptualisation leads to becoming aware. This “Unprejudiced Objectivity”, as named by Carl Jung, is the essential point behind practices like meditation, yoga, and again, breathing exercises among other meditative, psychotherapeutic activities: Awareness. 



With awareness and observation we come to learn how to detach from the thoughts and emotions; how to simply BE. We learn how to allow them to flow through unobstructed before letting them go. As observers, this detachment, this equanimity is a fundamental preliminary for mastering the mind. 
Plainly because if we don’t master it, we will identify with all the pollution it is constantly generating, hence the mind ends up mastering us; or someone else may do it for us.

The same goes for the emotions: Choosing not to be led by yours does not mean you’re cold or heartless; it means you’re wiser. Be reflective, not reactive.

Theory of Mind: Thinking About Thinking and the Benefits of Observing the Observer by Omar Cherif, One Lucky Soul
May you always value the simple little things in Life.
For they make a significant difference and hence are the most essential.


Now, it appears that the voice of my conscience is loud and has obsessive-compulsive tendencies. So the part of me which knows that I shouldn’t have been trimming my nails as I’m dancing naked to Janis Joplin kind of wants to prove to itself — or to the other parts, also of myself — that it had been ‘right’. It does so to please the status quo; to fit into a preconceived mould of how things are or are ought to be done, which has been ingrained into our collective consciousness and subconscious since childhood, through parents, school, culture, society, and the establishment. I hold that this need to be right and conform, along with the lack of flexibility it entails, remains unhealthy and causes significant amount of suffering in life. Even when the source is one part of the self.   

Thankfully, you know what else is also loud? My other rebellious “Fuck it. I do what I want.” part. Most of us spend our entire lives flickering between these two poles. However, and I can only talk about myself here, the rebellious counterpart still bases his stances and choices upon certain calculations. In our featured example, what’s the worst that could happen? A single nail clipping forgotten behind a desk, possibly for weeks or even years. Since it is not food nor something valuable, there is no substantial damage. Yet, I was still on my knees looking for a minuscule organic specimen. In fact, not just that, but I caught myself a different time quirkily counting ten nails before picking them up from the sink so they don’t block the drain... because they do, especially when mixed with long hair. Again, this had transpired almost fully subconsciously until I caught myself in the moment. 

Other times, higher risks are involved, as different possibility-probability rates. The following question we should ask ourselves is: Is it worth it? That is to inquire if it would support the kind of life I am manifesting. For at the bottom of it all, it remains vital to remember that: We are not responsible for the conditioning we were exposed to during our childhood. But as adults, we are fully responsible for fixing it.



This is where it gets even more interesting...

The human brain is known to consist of about 100 billion cells — neurones — each connected to 10,000 others, leaving us with a staggering 10 trillion nerve connections. Recent research in cognitive neuroscience has shown that this brain’s physiology is directly affected by our inner belief systems. The reason being is that all facts, ideas, and actions take the form of networks of neurones in our brain. While the left hemisphere is responsible for preserving, even pleasing the old model — the existing paradigm, our reality tunnel — the right one is constantly challenging the status quo. It is the attitude of “Do now and worry about it later”.

When the creative right hemisphere cannot convince the analytical left one to change its views, it ends up by causing narrow-mindedness, almost literally. In essence, it is our neural connections that physically define our belief system. And beliefs can be so limiting, that calling them the death of intelligence by Robert Anton Wilson wouldn’t be a stretch. “As soon as one believes a doctrine of any sort, or assumes certitude, one stops thinking about that aspect of existence.” You carry on with your life taking it for granted, believing that what you know must be right and correct. But you know what: The biggest fool of all is he who cannot change his mind. 



The good news is, nothing is cast in stone. Through transformative learning and Neuroplasticity we know that the wiring between said networks of the brain can indeed be altered.

Neuroscience shows that when we repeatedly perform a certain activity, learn a new fact, or practice a skill the corresponding neurones consistently keep stimulating each other. Over time, the wiring between them becomes stronger, which can make the connection last an entire lifetime. The neurones become more sensitive to each other and are more likely to synchronise their firing time in the future. All this takes place in the brain to support learning. In other words, whatever we do we are always physically modifying the brain to become better at it. What a remarkable feature that is.

As such, any practising usually leads to improvement; the reason being is that our brain changes physiologically to adapt to the novelty. Change your thoughts and you change your reality.




Neuroplasticity has equally shown that it works both ways: Neurones and connections which are not used stop being hardwired.


Changes can also be induced through Epigenetics. For a similar fluidity can be said about changes in our gene expression. Once the long-held beliefs and values — reality tunnel — change, the psyche and entire body open up; again, almost literally.

As explained by developmental biologist Bruce H. Lipton in a video titled Your Body Is An Illusion, the brain is through which we perceive and interpret the signals coming in from inside as well as outside the body. It then sends the processed information to the cells to dictate their behaviour and genetics. So it is indeed our own thoughts that create our reality. Saying like that may sound like New-Age Hocus Pocus, but it’s not. One example Lipton mentions in the same video is the queer phenomenon that is the Placebo Effect; how our brain — and perception — have a profound effect on our body chemistry, and hence on our physical health and reality in general. 

Speaking of, in his book titled “You Are The Placebo” author and researcher Dr. Joe Dispenza shares that from the 60-70,000 thoughts we get in our brains each day, 90 percent are the same as the day before. As such, thinking the same thoughts leads to making the same choices; same choices means same behaviours; same behaviours lead to same experiences; same experiences translate as same emotions; and same emotions then leads to same thoughts again — back to completing the loop. What does this mean? Well according Dispenza, our biology, our neural circuitry, neural chemistry, neural hormones, even as previously mentioned our genetic expression are all equal to how we think, act, and feel — that which constitute our personality, which in turn creates our personal reality.

Further, without letting go or healing from the past, including all the unwanted thoughts about it — that which we had labelled ‘negative’ — every time we think about it/them our body responds by producing the very same chemicals as when it first happened. In other words, we simply keep physically and emotionally reliving the experience while becoming neurotically fixated on, and consequently stuck in certain thought patterns. This is essentially the basis of most mental health issues people suffer from. 


Theory of Mind: Thinking About Thinking and the Benefits of Observing the Observer by Omar Cherif, One Lucky Soul
This actually happened one day, hick


To create a new personal reality, a new life, one has to think differently. By doing so we change the chemistry of our very brain, literally. A new insight or perspective or a novel angle can indeed help us get there. Where to get those from? Look no further than your own being. That is precisely what I am sharing with you herein: Observing our unconscious thoughts in order to wake up — as much as possible — from our automatic existence. Once you start training your mind by catching yourself in the act regarding the little things, when the big things arrive you will be able to have a clearer outlook before making a decision instead of [re]acting on your impulses like you did in the past.

In life, the decisions we have to take on daily basis are often deeper and more complex than trimming nails in the bedroom — or not. Consider this other example: The “fuck it” right hemisphere wants to partake in something daring, like have unprotected sex with multiple partners, say in a debauched orgy. Lucky fictional you. But its left status quo counterpart is saying: Look, you’re really gambling with our luck here, buddy. It’s actually ‘life’, our life, mind you. Statistically speaking, by doing that your chances of contracting an STD are much higher. So what’s the alternative? Ah, “protected sex”. Alright, I can live with that, one voice says. Let’s have fun! Or, decide that you will not go for it. You simply sort it out with yourself — possibly through a sort of inner dialogue. You convince yourself using certain methods, as with arguments, reasoning, and patterns deciphering. It goes without saying that being able to do so as efficiently as possible takes some mastery.

A thing to remember whenever delving into your own thought-process: We must be honest with ourselves when dealing with the polarity of those two wolves. That is, if we wish to integrate the right and left sides while reconciling the polarity. Because the mind is so wickedly imaginative, it is capable of using a wide variety of elaborate excuses, comforting justifications, and bullshit stories to try to convince us with whatever it wishes. As such, many of us choose to tell ourselves lies — often in the form of elaborate stories — to justify our inability, inaction, or lack of courage. Therefore feel better about the actual reality of certain things. Nevertheless, more often than not, down deep inside in our inner being, at the soul level, we usually know the actual truth; for inner truths are universal. Yet, if it is uncomfortable or inconvenient, wilful blindness may occur as a defence mechanism.

One related term used in modern psychology for this one trick the mischievous mind plays is Cognitive Dissonance. It is used to explain the feeling of disorientation and discomfort resulting from holding two or more conflicting cognitions; ideas, beliefs, values, or emotional reactions. It’s a sort of wilful blindness, one could say. For it entails lying to oneself, often by using a quagmire of logical fallacies, confirmation biases, and cherry-picking to justify certain aspects of one’s reality.

Another equally important piece of information to note is that it is not right-side of the brain or left-side; as in reason vs emotion, or mind vs heart. But rather, it is right-side and left-side; as reason and emotion, mind and heart. For both elements constitute the very essence of our inner being. For the realised individual, the relationship between both poles is not based on fighting, but it is more like dancing.

Determining someone’s personality or character appears to be much more complex than labelling a logical, number person “left-brain dominant” and a creative free-spirited person “right-brain dominant”. While indeed each side of the brain specialises in specific tasks, the whole functionality is not that simple. For both hemispheres tend to connect, cooperate, and intermingle in many more ways than previously thought.

In actual fact, this famous dichotomy of being either right-brained or left-brained has been called a myth by science — largely thanks to brain imaging technology. Because one can simultaneously be creative as well as analytical, emotional as well as reasonable. These characteristics are not antithetical, and can indeed coexist; personalities are multi-layered and more complicated than to be classified as black-or-white. Remember the first paragraph: There is quite the grey area.

Speaking of common brain misconceptions — which I one day used to believe — is the myth that we only use 10 percent of our brains. We don’t. We use the entire 100 percent. In truth, we use it all the time, even while sleeping, just different parts of it.    
 
 
Theory of Mind: Thinking About Thinking and the Benefits of Observing the Observer by Omar Cherif, One Lucky Soul
Get into yourself and you’ll discover wonders


Now back to the nails...

So, the moment I caught myself on the bedroom floor looking for a single clipping, I instantly reckoned it was great “writing material”. Interesting one, too. Because everyone thinks. But despite having the ability, a significant number of people are not used to thinking about their wandering minds or even pay attention to what goes on inside — its very essence in the form of “Why and How?” questions. As a consequence, they often act by repeating certain irrational habits and behaviours almost mindlessly, without ever pausing or reflecting upon their choices. Needless to say, this results in an automatic kind of existence; similar to being in a hypnotic trance, during which the choices made are rarely the best nor most optimal. They become impulsively dependent on their reflexive senses rather than logic or reason, or even intuition. 

You see, when people are not conscious and self-aware their minds are not present. Their actions then become impulsive, which makes then live in deep torpor. They become groggy and numb and unquestioning as if they are sleepwalking through life. Even when busy, they don’t seem to be ‘aware’ of the moment, just like they were hypnotised. “Consensus Trance” is a term which describes this automatic state of consciousness.

According to the Philosophy of Mind and Perception, another term to describe people living in such modes of existence is a “philosophical zombie” — or p-zombie —  which is a hypothetical being that is indistinguishable from a normal human being except in that they lack conscious experience, qualia, or sentience.

While not everyone is plagued by a philosophical mind or destined to become a psychonaut, understanding our own thinking is a step forward towards our evolution and illumination. What we do with such knowledge differs from one person to the next. Yet it remains knowledge.

Whenever dealing with situations that require us to make a choice and decide, the fascinating mind remains flickering between the two aforementioned hemispheres. Echoing with Carl Jung’s famous words: “The pendulum of the mind oscillates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong.” So whenever facing life ask yourself that one question: Does it make sense? Is saying “Fuck it” worth it? Be it your well-being, health, energy, time, and sometimes even your very Life.

As noted, if not mastered, the monkey mind will be the one mastering us — controlling our lives in the process. In Buddhism, Taoism/Daoism, and Neo-Confucianism, the monkeys are a metaphor for the source of all our restlessness, confusion, and lack of control in life.

One of the insights learned through self-observation is that there really is no need to prove anything, neither to yourself — your own brain — nor to others. There is also no need to convince anyone with anything. Once we liberate ourselves from the confines of these attachments and expectations, the world shall be transformed before our eyes. 


In terms of behaviour, the way we handle ourselves and our minds with all the circus going on up there naturally affects how we interact with the outside world and everyone in it. It also dictates the type of relationships we have with that world. Whether within our own family, between lovers and friends, at work, even with how we deal with people on daily basis. So it remains imperative to understand why we think, say, and act as we do; what are the drives and motives which often have their roots planted in the subconscious. With the Big Picture in mind, it is only through thoughtfulness and self-observation — along the self-knowledge they bring about — can we begin to ameliorate from ourselves; that is in order to evolve as a species. Resonating with the words of the Russian mystic and philosopher George Gurdjieff:

Self-observation brings man to the realisation of the necessity of self-change. And in observing himself a man notices that self-observation itself brings about certain changes in his inner processes. He begins to understand that self-observation is an instrument of self-change, a means of awakening.


Without radical and psychological change on the personal level, we cannot expect to change the world, our world. 

For anyone looking to learn, grow, and evolve by enhancing and self-potentiating their quality of life, I suggest you read up upon Theory of Mind. The vital benefits of getting into yourself seem endless.


Theory of Mind: Thinking About Thinking and the Benefits of Observing the Observer by Omar Cherif, One Lucky Soul


Lastly, there is no such thing as knowing yourself too much. Truly. Observing the observer remains a higher step of conscious existence, which allows you to see the bigger picture of things, while stopping you from acting out on your impulses; just like a restless child who’s in a constant state of reaction to all that which has been ingrained into them ever since they were teeny tiny toddlers through “the system”: Parents, school, society, culture and so on.

A mindful state of existence offers you the chance to pause and reflect; to “come to term with things” and to “reach closures”. So they don’t keep floating on the horizon of your subconscious mind as a background noise, possibly forever. Because whether you’re aware of it or not, any undealt-with issues will keep repeating themselves through your psyche as toxic, cyclical patterns while directing your relationships and entire life to a considerable degree. And you will likely keep projecting it all on the outside world, by blaming it for whatever happens to you.  

Resonating with another of Jung’s quote, which is the introduction of one of the sub-chapters in my book: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.

With that being said, many people seem to go about their lives having absolutely no idea why unpleasant things keep happening to them or why they tend to be attracted to dysfunctional relationships. The simple answer lies within their own thought patterns along the vibrations they produce. It is them who attract that which aligns with the frequencies they emit — especially those originating from the subconscious. Because unless they come out from the darkness toward the light, they will remain unknown to us and hence will keep materialising as recycled experiences. Time after time after time. Until we get it.  

If, for instance, we see ourselves as victims who need to be saved, we’ll likely keep attracting people offering to help. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, but it keeps us depending on others; hence stuck in a disempowering cycle of the victim mentality.

Truth is, once you save yourself the universe will somehow conspire to help you out. The work, however, must be ignited from within. The person you will become will always be the one you decide to be. We do have that choice. When it comes to accepting instead of resisting and reflecting instead of reacting, we always, always have a choice. Taking a deterministic approach and leaving it all to “fate” or “destiny” is nothing but the easy way out, as it’s a disempowering way of thinking.  

At the very end, we are our own victim as well as our own saviour... the rest are mere excuses.


Observing own own mind and the thoughts it generates results in pure awareness, which in turn leads to self-realisation. This includes transformative Aha-Moments of clarity and illumination; of waking up; of wait a minute... . Reaching conclusive statements like: So that is why I have been getting into relationships that are bound to fail. Or, that is why I’ve changed jobs 14 times in the past 20 years. Aided by the novel, enhanced perspective, only then can we do something about it and modify that which has not been working for us; that which is pulling us backward. Time to do the inner work and to recognise that following the same neural pathways will not get us very far. Time to let go of whatever does not serve us or serve our evolution. Time to modify and refine, to become better versions of ourselves. For Change Is The Only Constant.  

Truthfully, there is no moving forwards without letting go. We do so by unlearning and relearning, which results in changing the pathways our brains have been repeatedly using. Hence our views, values, beliefs, and behaviour also change. As we have seen, it is through neuroplasticity that we know the brain has a remarkable capacity to alter existing pathways as well as create new ones. And it is through epigenetics that we know our gene expression can likewise change. We, with our very fabric made of neurones and genes and consciousness, do have that power.

Speaking of, The Significance of Letting Go is an earlier piece showing the benefits of doing so. Mind you, letting go follows self-observation. Because otherwise we have no way of knowing what is it that needs discarding.


Theory of Mind: Thinking About Thinking and the Benefits of Observing the Observer by Omar Cherif, One Lucky Soul


The more we understand this dynamic between the different counterparts of our inner being, the more we’ll reconcile the seemingly different polarity into Oneness. Bringing our inner darkness to the light, we therefore become a more balanced, centred, grounded, and wholesome individual. Someone who knows their true worth and what they deserve as much as they know their wants and needs; for whom decision making is actually fun rather than anxiety-provoking. Naturally, this all translates into a better, more refined quality of life. The key lies in being a witness to the voices without ever allowing them to drag us along the chatter they are constantly having. Because with intensive digging one can easily go mad. And by mad here I don’t mean the fun, creative, ingenious craziness; but rather, losing grip on reality with confusions, illusions, delusions.

You can check The Intertwining of Genius and Insanity to know more about this eerie relationship. 

The truth of the matter is, You Are Not Your Thoughts. What you are is a sage as well as a lunatic. You are also the One who rises above both and chooses which to side with the most.

Further reading about Theory of Mind in less theoretical terms is A Dialectic With Myself: Practical Yin Yang Approach to Coincidentia Oppositorum.



Now that you know the power of that mystifying tool you carry within your own skeleton — with all with its colourful nuances and subtle characteristics — time to inquire and to get into yourself: only to find a plethora of mesmerising wonders awaiting your heightened awareness to discover them.

By become aware of your true inner self on such a deep level, following others’ experiences will then seem futile. Through direct experience, self-knowledge becomes the journey during which our inner truth is found and owned. Other than being educational, the ride is also highly entertaining. Of course, it all depends on our perception of life and the outside world, which in turn stems from our conception of it. That is why each and every experience is unique.

Beside all the self-knowledge you’d likely amass, you’ll get to better understand your fellow brethren and the Human Condition. In that regards, learning about ourselves and others, including the thoughts and emotions, makes it incredibly hard to ever get upset from anyone. Since you understand their reasons for doing whatever they do, perhaps even relate to some degree. And for that, we must be grateful for psychology and philosophy for enlarging our circle of empathy and compassion. 

With knowing oneself also comes loving oneself. The deeper you dig, the more falling in love with yourself comes naturally. Without self-love we are not equipped with the proper capacity or tools to love others. Even if we do fall in love it will never be actual love; but rather, attachment. Because we will always be trying to compensate our lack of self-love and self-acceptance, by seeking their love and acceptance. Again, by projecting it on the relationship and the partner, affecting our choices and disrupting our behaviour in the process. So love remains another major benefit of digging into oneself and following the inward journey.

I will end this enticing piece with a final reminder: Know that the inner work has no end. For the Rabbit Hole is a bottomless pit, an everlasting endeavour guiding the soul as it keeps spiralling closer and deeper towards its inner core. For the only way out is in, my Dear Ones.

 
 
 
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Thursday, 31 March 2016

To Forgive Is Not To Reconcile




A few days ago I wrote on my Facebook wall, “Forgive others because you deserve to set yourself free.” I had already shared it before and kept it in my ‘Reflections’ Word file. Five months later, I thought of posting it again. Someone commented that they couldn’t understand the link, so I decided to dig deeper before replying to them. And what I found is worth reflecting upon.

Let us examine the difference between two often-confused terms: Forgiveness and Reconciliation.


In general, forgiveness is the act or process of pardoning to prevent harmful thoughts from causing damage to one’s mental well-being. It is an inner response. When anger, resentments, and grudges arise due to past abuse or a certain crime or accident, by forgiving the wrongdoer we get a chance to let go of these negative emotions. But how can one forgive those who have hurt them? And more importantly, why do it?

In Buddhism, when you forgive someone who has harmed you, you decide not to retaliate, not to seek revenge. You simply unburden yourself from the weight of grudges, resentment, and retribution. You get it out of the system by shifting how you think about it. You choose to do this for yourself, for your own healing and well-being.

Despite that it may help the other person as well, forgiveness primarily involves us and not them. Reconciliation sometimes follow forgiveness, though it’s possible to forgive without re-establishing or continuing the relationship. We don’t have to like the wrongdoer or even see them again. In fact, we can forgive someone who is dead, because without forgiveness they aren’t really dead in our minds, they remain somewhat alive and real.

So the letting go is essentially for our own peace of mind.

 Whether it’s an abusive parent, an unfaithful partner, a close friend who has backstabbed us, or just a random stranger, we can forgive the person without excusing the act itself. Forgiveness does not mean we justify or condone or minimise their harmful behaviour; it means we choose not be angry or resentful towards them.

Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” He equally said, “Forgiveness is the virtue of the brave.”

Forgiveness is also the gift of the wise. We can do it on our own, without having the other party to know or understand why we have done it. The bitter taste of the memory may stay with us forever, but the act of letting go that comes with forgiveness allows us to better ‘deal’ with the memory of the offence. For true healing does not mean erasing the memory or denying the harm done; it’s simply finding a way to overcome the negative thoughts and emotions that are linked to it — thereby not letting them dictate and control our behaviour. It remains a heck of a powerful choice. By dropping the weight, one is capable of focusing on more positive aspects in their lives, get well, and move on.


There are several elements or steps which need to be achieved before true forgiveness is achieved and letting go is rendered possible. I have found that Buddhism and Psychotherapy offer more or less the same procedure to healing.

First, acknowledging to the self that wrong had been done to it.

The emotion needs to be felt and expressed. Fully experiencing the related thoughts and feelings allows one to be able to expunge them, giving a chance for more positive ones to occupy the mind, body, and overall psyche.

The next step is to understand the reason behind the wrongdoing, by reflecting upon it.

The human brain is almost conditioned to constantly try to look for explanations. At this point, even randomness would suffice to convince it.

Then comes reestablishing safety.

This is achieved so that the act doesn’t reoccur. Because forgiveness doesn’t mean putting oneself in a position to be harmed again. Neither does it mean to literally “forget”, since there would be no lesson learned if that were the case. At this level, you may decide to no longer see the person, end a relationship, or establish new boundaries. To be able to proceed, safety needs to be re-acquired to a certain reasonable extent.

Note that the above three steps do not have to follow this specific order. They can overlap and the forgiver may keep returning to them interchangeably until they are ready to move on with their grieving process.

Then finally comes letting go.

This stage seems the hardest because, in a way, it appear like you’re surrendering power. But you are not. Again, you are doing this solely for your self. You choose to set it free. It may actually take months or years to get rid of all the anger, hurt, and resentment. But then when it happens, one becomes liberated from the burden, because they had fully let go of the transgression — making peace with their past. That is essentially it.

The Significance of Letting Go is an article of mine covering this specific element. Another is Codependency: What Being Addicted to Someone Means

Interestingly, in some earlier Buddhist teachings the emphasis was not on forgiving; but on the foolishness of taking offence in the first place. They spoke of transcending the whole experience.

He abused me, he struck me, he overcame me, he robbed me — in those who do not harbour such thoughts hatred will cease.
— Dhammapada 1.3–4; trans. Radhakrishnan

As poetic and peaceful as it sounds, expecting someone who was repeatedly abused or raped not to “take {any] offence” may seem absurd at first glance, even a tad too otherworldly. While the ideal message or concept behind the sentiment remains pure, noble, perhaps also enlightened, it is certainly challenging to adopt such view when dealing with certain traumas.    

Now, while we are herein mainly discussing forgiving others [or being forgiven by them], other times to be able to carry on living we must learn to forgive ourselves — for not knowing that which we didn’t know at a certain point in time. This forgiveness then tends to breed empathy, compassion, and eventually self-love.


On the other hand, we have reconciliation. It means a return to amicability; restoring the harmony of a certain connection you had with another person. It is a more complex tête-à-tête process that surpasses forgiveness, which is a solo job. Reconciliation requires reestablishing trust between both parties by them agreeing to work together in a somewhat friendly manner.

If the responsibility for the wrongdoing is denied, or the offender maintains that they did no wrong, there’s no chance for reconciliation. 

Similarly, if the offender insists that the feelings of the other person are not of importance, or that they have no right to hold them to their standards of right and wrong, the person won’t trust the offender not to hurt them again.

For trust to be regained and reconciliation achieved, there must be mutual respect and agreement on what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. 

The offender has to admit as well as communicate they have hurt the other, that it was wrong to do so. They have to promise to exercise control in the future. Only then can their relationship be re-established.

Like forgiveness, reconciliation offers liberation and healing. But unlike forgiveness, because it involves two parties, its steps are more challenging. That is why it’s usually more complicated to materialise.


Just like there are steps to forgiveness, a healthy reconciliation requires the following:

First, the wrongdoing has to be acknowledged. Hence, its occurrence accepted.

Second, to understand why it had happened.

If the two parties try to patch things up without getting to the root of the issue, nothing can really heal. Only when the root intentions have been shown to both to be reconcilable and the differences resolved can the healing process begins to take place.

Finally, the offender needs to promise to restrain himself from repeating the wrongdoing in the future. This is when trust gets a chance to be restored, and the deal is closed to some degree. Along with honesty, respect, and a flowing two-way communication, trust is after all the foundation of every healthy relationship; make sure not to shake it too many times.


As we have seen, forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same. Forgiveness is about letting go of the past, while reconciliation is about committing to a future. Reconciliation may or may not be possible due to many sorts of obstacles. And when it isn’t possible, forgiveness comes in handy, because you can do it on your own and for your own — to let go of YOUR burdens.

Both forgiveness and reconciliation could be long processes. They each offer healing and a chance to rebuild oneself or fix a relationship. Reconciliation is normally more complicated. It may sometimes never occur, or perhaps in some cases even shouldn’t occur. Still, forgiveness is only one personal decision away that is worth our emotional and mental health. For it is one key to freedom.


Forgive, no need to forget. Or in the words of psychiatrist and scholar Thomas Szasz: The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.”



Forgive. Because you deserve to set yourself free
It is not always about forgiving or being forgiven by others, you see
Sometimes we need to forgive ourselves. Follow me?
With forgiveness comes loves. And love entails compassion, understanding, and empathy
Makes you feel one with the bumblebee, the tree, the sea — the universe in its entirety
This openness also brings upon some needed vulnerability
’Tis destiny, my friend, quel poetry
A B C
123
Do Re Me
Let it be, Love. Now set it free.

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Thursday, 25 June 2015

Things I Got Rid Of To Become Happier



Things I Got Rid Of To Become Happier by Omar Cherif, One Lucky Soul

As some of you already know, during those last few years I went through a self-transformation Renaissance. This meant I had to let go of some habits, which were not serving me or my growth and evolution. Some of them were dragging me backwards, while others were simply not needed. So getting rid of those habits seemed like the conscious thing to do.

Many years prior, I had already let go of more shallow, ego-driven things such as losing interest in conflict, competing, comparing, and judging — myself or others. On Not Judging Others and Psychological Projection is a related article. So this, one could say, is a second wave of detachment.

There are also the more thorough introspective, philosophical pieces, Who Are We? as well as My Journey Towards Self-Transcendence.
 


1- Drugs


It wouldn’t be right if drugs are not mentioned in this list-article. After self-medicating for years using all sorts of chemicals and plants, I finally realised that I do not need drugs to be happy or cool or whatever.

Drugs, however, could be occasional tools for altering our states of consciousness and for expanding our perspective. But when it becomes a need, like the case with addictive drugs, this is when one should rethink their life’s priorities. Opiated Then Hatin’ It is a recent piece about the matter. Addiction Talk: My Correspondence With a 31-Year-Old Reader Before He Passed Away is another.

So, the number one thing I got rid of is the need to take drugs.



2- Saying the Word ‘Hate’

I am not exactly sure what had fuelled this new habit. I just simply realised that ‘hate’ is quite a heavy negative word and that it is usually overused.

Ever since childhood, “I hate people who do this”. “I hate that vegetable.” “I hate this, I hate that.” We hear and use the word so often that it sort of loses its original meaning. But when you think about it, it’s a whiny thing to say; it’s a childish emotion, which essentially stems from a mix of fear and ignorance. Why let something outside of you take control and get you to the point of hating? There is no reason to be disempowered in such a way.

What I might ‘hate’ are child-molesters, animal-abusers, women-beaters, rapists and the likes. Though I do not go around stating it. Because, when you realise that in this dual universe darkness will always exist, you are freed from the need to hate it. You may not agree with it, but you accept its existence, making you less prone to reaching that ‘hate’ emotion.

The only way to deal with evil in this world is to accept it. That’s the only way to set yourself free from the darkness. Because, again, darkness will never vanish; for that’s how the cosmos is balanced.

We do not fight the darkness, we light a candle.

You see, words as man-made symbols have distinct frequencies, which have the ability to alter our consciousness and create our reality. Just like magic, hence “to spell”. ‘Hate’ happens to be a strong low-frequency word — describing a passionately intense emotion — and I’m doing great by kicking it out of my vocabulary and therefore also reality. 



3- Watching T.V. and Following the News


This one is a major game-changer. You actually have time, clarity, and energy to do more constructive things. I don’t read or listen or watch the news now. What I do, however, is create my own headlines — my own reality. You know it’s called Mass Media and T.V Programming for a reason.

Checking my Facebook feeds to find who got killed where and what went wrong how eventually gets too much if one wants to live a conscious life. I had stopped watching T.V six years ago and that was one of the best decisions I have taken in my life. Unfortunately, social media is now starting to play the same role... propagating fear and negativity. Check Are You Addicted To The News? to know the reason behind this fact.

Well, thanks but no thanks. I don
’t deny such things exist in this dual world, but, I willingly choose to live away from the low vibrations of World Affairs.



4- Cooking Every Day


When moving to Canada I was regaining my health after many years of poor diet and a toxic lifestyle. So I did care a lot about food since I had missed it — the taste, the smell, the variety, the colours, the natural feeling of hunger. Cooking became a new discovery regarding nutrition; yet I also I fell in love with the creative part of it. 

However, after yet again relocating to the U.S later, I realised that I don’t need full meals every single day. Now a salad is a meal, an avocado is a meal, yoghurt with nuts and honey is also one. Naturally, I lost two waist sizes in a few months and felt better than ever. More about how it occurred is covered in the article with the mainstream title How I Dropped Two Waist Sizes in a Few Months.



5- Trying to “Wake People Up”


Ah! When we open our eyes and see beyond all the illusions we’re surrounded by, we usually feel compelled, out of care, to open the eyes of others. But in reality, that’s not how it works. Everyone wakes at their own pace and that’s how it should be. Forcing it will never work. In fact, it can reverse the process and make people reject all notions of ‘awakening’.

Now, I don’t attempt to convince anyone with anything; neither do I attempt to change their minds. And what peace of mind have I gained.

The following quotes helped me overcome that compulsion to assume what’s best for others — despite remaining a challenge is some cases.


Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.
― Rumi

If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.
― Lao Tzu

Your work is not to drag the world kicking and screaming into a new awareness. Your job is to simply do your work -- Sacredly, Secretly, and Silently -- and those with
eyes to see and ears to hear, will respond.
― The Arcturians




6- Killing Insects


Teach your children that whenever a mosquito bites them or a fly lands on their food, they are only trying to feed and survive. This is the natural order of things in Life. There is nothing personal about it and there is no reason to freak out or to curse the insects.

This may seem a tad odd to some. But yeah, you read that right: No killing insects that I find at home, or anywhere else of course. When I have to, I catch and release them instead.

Living in a bungalow by the beach means the occasional visit from our cousins, the insects. I have written before on how a fly stuck in a room will always cooperate with us if we want to kick it out than if you want to kill it. Because it wants to live, it’s mere instinct. The same goes for other types of insects.

With that in mind, in those past several months I have given new lives to several moths, butterflies, spiders, ants, three mosquitoes, a bee among a few other species I never even knew existed. It sincerely is the last thing on my mind now is to reach for a repellent or a shoe
whenever I bump into an insect. Because all sentient beings deserve to live in freedom.

You can check my earlier pieces about ants Here, Here, and There. Others are about Reviving a Drowning Bee and Befriending a Flying Insect



7- Worrying and Overthinking


They do not work. They create problems that were never there and drain our energy. Truly, they are like the measles. Yet, most people either live in the past or in the future. Those who dwell on the past are depressed; those who overthink the future are anxious. Only a few are able to enjoy their Here and Now; only them find peace of mind.

That said, dropping the worrying and overthinking was a preliminary step towards my peace and happiness. It is of significance to note that this healthy not-giving-a-fuck attitude is not solely about being care-free, but rather it’s about prioritising the things one cares about.



8- Driving


Uhu. After 17 years of daily driving and traffic and parking, I dropped the car. In Toronto, I was using subways and street cars; here in Venice I use the bike and Uber; and whenever I visit Egypt, it’s walking, cabs, and Uber as well. So not only do I save money on gas and parking, and avoid all that headache, but I now run on fat instead of money, which keeps one healthy and free. 

Whenever wanting to go somewhere far, Uber is always there. If I need more, renting a car now costs $15 per day, true story.  



9- Controlling the Non-variables



In the Tao Te Ching, the renowned ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu spoke of Wu Wei, which literally translates into “non-doing” or “non-action”. Wu Wei is a central concept in Taoism/Daoism describing a seemingly paradoxical state of spontaneity called “effortless action”. It revolves around letting things happen while aligning oneself with the natural flow of life, the Tao; flowing with the current rather than trying to swim against it. Because that is when what you seek and what seeks you find each other. It is when the fun begins. The principle is equally essential to Confucianism. 

Wu Wei doesn’t necessarily mean to do nothing, but rather the doing becomes non-reactive. This unforced intuitive action through non-action is similar to nature without forcing it, everything is eventually accomplished.



Wu Wei is a state of being in harmony with the universe, which can be applied and naturally reflects on various aspects of life. 


By not dominating, the Master leads.

You see, we can only control the variables in our lives, but that’s it. How the universe unfolds with its causes and effects is que sera sera. As mentioned in point 7, obsessing about that which is gone or that which we know nothing of cannot take us too far.

Now, I taught myself how to be flexible and allow things unfold rather than resist or interfere with them. I do so by flowing with life while trusting my inner intents. This means accepting that uncertainty and the unknown are fundamental parts of life... and death. Existence become much simpler then.

The Significance of Letting Go is another earlier piece about the matter. Letting Go of Getting Offended and Taking Things Personally is one more. And lastly, and since we’ve mentioned it, Why We Should Not Fear Death is an additional article.


10-



You probably expected a tenth point since that’s how list-articles usually look like in mainstream media, or almost everywhere else for that matter. Well, I’m rad like that and I choose to leave it empty.

Seriously, number 10 was left empty for you to add your own. Everyone of us has something(s) they know down deep inside they need to let go of. A memory, a habit, a relationship, whatever it is, there is no healing without letting go.

The thing is, it is only you who can let go. It is not someone else or outside factors; it is you who can set yourself free. For essentially, you are your own saviour as you are your own victim; the rest are mere excuses. Simply, because only you have that power. And you’re one decision away from changing any path that you’re on.


Despite all what was said, reckon that there is more to life than happiness. For it comes and goes and remains temporary. Happiness is a state of mind, hence trying to chase or seek it outside of oneself as a goal or destination rarely if ever works. Conversely, truth, peace of mind, gratitude, empathy, and perhaps above all, love may then lead to happiness rather than the other way round.


Let go or be dragged.
— Zen Proverb


EDIT 2024:


If this article was written today, I would have changed the title to Things I Got Rid Of To Become More At Peace. Because throughout these past years I came to learn even more that there is more to life than mere joy. Happiness is not a goal to hope for or a destination to reach. If we’re looking for happiness outside of us, likely we’ll never find it. Happiness is a state of consciousness; a byproduct of our inner being that includes elements like health and gratitude. So one cannot aim to be constantly happy. What a shallow bore would that be. Just like a heartbeat, in life we need the ups as much as we need the downs... and everywhere in between.



Things I Got Rid Of To Become Happier by Omar Cherif, One Lucky Soul
When we smile to life, it smiles back. Sometimes not right back,
but eventually it does.



ALSO VIEW:

Who Are We?

My Journey Towards Self-Transcendence
 
 
 









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Saturday, 2 May 2015

The Significance of Letting Go



The Significance of Letting Go by Omar Cherif, One Lucky Soul

Whether it’s a hateful happening, a dead-end job, a toxic relationship or a lifeless life, every painful experience we have endured has helped form the person we are today. 
Initially, most psychological issues and complexes adults suffer from stem from things which had happened to them in their past as children or teenagers. Whatever it was, accepting those experiences, learning from them, even cherishing some of them, is the way to get past them.

Once these few steps are achieved, it’s time to let go. Let go of the victim mentality; of all the self-generated, unwanted thoughts about that which had happened — or whatever else you may consider ‘negative’. Not by fighting them, but rather by observing. By doing so, we instantly separate ourselves from the thoughts, and snap out of it by cultivating more positive ones and insist on doing so. If we don’t, the negative will start to remanifest itself in our minds and has the potential of getting worse. As the Zen proverb reminds us: “Let go or be dragged.”


To be able to grow to our Higher Self ― as opposed to our ego self ― throughout this mystical journey called Life and reach the Light, letting go becomes an essential part. We let go of all that is not us; all that weighs us down like conditioning, attachments, expectations, prejudices, judgments, stereotypes, and emotional fixations ― the things which stopped serving the growth and evolution of our soul.




If we really want to spread our wings and fly high, we must drop those crippling burdens overboard. The heaviest part of us is our ego ― always asking us to be someone or something, never sacrificing itself. This dead weight makes our excursion through life much slower, as it makes us less mobile. But there is no moving forward as long as were clinging to the past, or to our ego. And certainly, there is no freedom. 

People get attached to a wide variety of things. It could be a lost dream, a hope, a substance, a lifestyle, a thought pattern, a relationship, or a person. Essentially, all kinds of attachments drain us. Thus we have no energy left for the ‘positive’, or for any novelty. They make it hard to embrace new things because the mind is filled with the ‘negative’, so there is neither energy nor space for the otherness. To travel light throughout our journey, throwing those burdens away becomes an existential choice.


One earlier article about our attachment to others is Codependency: What Being Addicted to Someone Means. The Parable of the Cow: You Are Not Your Thoughts is another more philosophical one, discussing our attachment to thoughts in particular and the process of letting go of them.


The Significance of Letting Go by Omar Cherif, One Lucky Soul
Metamorphosis


We only grow when we let go. The reality is, some are stuck in the phase between the caterpillar and the butterfly — or moth. They are no longer the first; yet because they fear the unknown while resisting change, they are not open to the chance of becoming the latter. Potentially, they may waste their entire lives stuck in an eternal “in-waiting” rut, a limbo status. 
 
To fully become who you essentially are at the core is to spread your wings fearlessly and trust that Life will lift you up towards unfathomable heights. You see, taking a bold leap into the unknown means you will either land on a feathered bed or you will learn to fly.

Follow your dreams to where they may lead you. No matter how crazy or seemingly impossible they appear — to you or the world. Yet, be open to the possibility that the road, even the destination, may likely be different than what you had imagined. Then it matters not what actually transpires. For the journey becomes the destination. This is what leading a free and full life is about: Acknowledging the risks of seeking to materialise your dreams, courageously embracing the uncertainty rather than fearing it, and confidently going for the jump anyway.
“Let go or be dragged,” remember. Now fly away.



The truth is, the hardship we experience makes us stronger. It is actually a healthy human experience. For the pain and suffering add us with a new, and usually deeper perspective on life, as well as on our overall existence. It is how we grow through life; how we become. However, when the lesson is learned, it’s time to move on. Much like overthinking the future, dwelling on the past ― or on a specific incident ― never helps. Letting go, on the other hand, does.


Remember, how much weight we give each thought is our choice and our choice alone. This is how we become in control of our state of mind. It goes to the extent of persisting in the positive so intensely that letting go of any depressing or unkind thoughts that may arise comes naturally, without thinking about it. They are simply filtered out, almost unconsciously. 
This is why letting go means letting go of suffering. This is how we mature and grow thicker skin; how we set ourselves free. 


It is worth noting that letting go can only be achieved following getting to the root of the problem — this Aha-Moment. Medications, drugs and alcohol, even time may numb you for a while, but they will not completely heal you. Those are temporary getaways.

To Forgive Is Not To Reconcile is one more article of mine discussing what Buddhism and Psychoanalysis say about letting go when it comes to forgiveness and reconciliation.


One thing remains certain, there is no healing without letting go. We when let go, we grow. Because with letting go come novelty and rejuvenation. 

This self-mastery and self-conquest introduce us to our true Higher Selves. This is the secret of the art of living; the secret to a happy and simple life, which, with practice, anyone is able to reach. Simply, because happiness and peace of mind rely solely on what we think — or not think. They rely on our very own mental state and not on outside factors.

Peace of mind does not mean that life around us is rosy. But rather, we find happiness and inner peace amidst the storm. We surround ourselves with what we love and let go of what does not serve us. The less baggage we carry, the simpler life becomes. The process is an inside job in its purest form. For The Kingdom of Heaven is truly within us, my Dear Ones.  




The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
Steve Maraboli



*Article first published on Conscious Life News.


ALSO VIEW:


Things I Got Rid Of To Become Happier

Letting Go of Getting Offended and Taking Things Personally


Codependency: What Being Addicted to Someone Means

Dealing with High Awareness and Empathic Accuracy

What Is Fear of Abandonment and How to Overcome It

What Is Overcompensation?

What Being Conscious Means

My Journey Towards Self-Transcendence

To Forgive Is Not To Reconcile

The Parable of the Cow: You Are Not Your Thoughts
 
 
 
 
 
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Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Letting Go of Getting Offended and Taking Things Personally



Letting Go of Getting Offended and Taking Things Personally by Omar Cherif, One Lucky Soul

Taking things personally is only for the small egoic minds, same as getting offended.

I have shared the above reflection a while ago and the following is a further elaboration...


To take something personally means to get sensitive and touchy over something. It is an ego-driven irrational emotion. The inwardly-defensive ego often perceives what others say or do in a certain way that leads us to feel insulted, offended, disrespected or disgusted, regardless of whether it was actually intended; oftentimes, it has nothing to do with us directly. 

To feel as such means we are already disempowered and assuming the victim mentality. Typically, this happens when other people’s words or acts reinforce some insecurity within oneself. 

The thing is, we can never control others or situations which are happening outside of us. What we can control, however, is how we react, or not, to those others and their behaviours — the variables. We control our attitude; how we perceive those variables; how we label and process the situations related to them.

Taking things personally entails preoccupying the self with what others say and think. Meaning that one must have a certain level of care about the opinions of others. To be offended or hurt by what others say or write or think, one must first value those others and their opinions. If we don’t, then it shouldn’t concern us. Let them say and think whatever they want. Why would that bother us? For he who angers you controls you. There is absolutely no good reason to allow outside factors to have this much control over us and our lives.




 
Many of the people who take offence easily are usually those who hold that there is only one true set of beliefs, which always happens to be their own. They could get offended when exposed to a remark or a comment about their nationality, religion, race, or family. When others’ beliefs don’t match theirs or contradict them, they tend to act on the defensive. They can even attempt to falsify the beliefs of others as a way to protect theirs. So getting offended here is very much like a child’s reaction; hence, the “small minds” notion mentioned in the reflection.

Personally, I’m offended only by ignorance, wars, famine, and how humans interact with Mother Nature and with each other. Being offended, however, is simply an opinion. It does not give me any rights to not hear anything I don’t like or agree with; nor does it mean that I am right and others are wrong.

As Stephen Fry merrily elaborates, “...It’s actually nothing more than a whine. ‘I find that offensive.’ It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. ‘I am offended by that.’ Well, so fucking what.”


You see, if we base our self-worth on what people say or do, to us or not, then we’re allowing the outside world to decide how we feel about ourselves. We are by consequence disempowered and controlled. People’s opinions, though, are nothing but a byproduct of their own life and reality, which we usually know nothing of. Their words and actions are mere reflections of their own experiences, emotions, and perceptions, not ours. Obsessing about any of that and getting touchy, annoyed, and heated will only negatively affect us at the end. That’s why letting go of getting offended and taking things personally means letting go of suffering.

On a parallel note, On Not Judging Others and Psychological Projection is another article about more bad habits. The Significance of Letting Go focuses on getting rid of said habits. 


While getting offended and taking things personally seem like juvenile traits, maturing through life seems like growing thicker skin. A chief part of growing out of the small mind is realizing that even though we cannot control others, we can control our reactions to them, and to everything else, actually. Once this understanding is established, these traits become futile and obsolete and naturally vanish. For in order to grow we must let go.


ALSO VIEW:

On Not Judging Others and Psychological Projection

What Is Fear of Abandonment and How to Overcome It

Codependency: What Being Addicted to Someone Means

The Significance of Letting Go

What Is Overcompensation?

The Parable of the Cow: You Are Not Your Thoughts

To Forgive Is Not To Reconcile

Things I Got Rid Of To Become Happier

Who Are We? 

My Journey Towards Self-Transcendence

Change Is The Only Constant

The Intertwining of Genius and Insanity

Why I Share Stuff

For The Love Of Storytelling

The Significance of Letting Go

Unfollow the Crowd

The Art of Approaching Women   
 
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