Confusing attachment with love is quite a common mistake. There is a fine line between both, yet one could argue that they are complete opposites. The following is a brief exploration of the difference between the two.
Love is a state of being which leaves one constantly intoxicated. In its true sense, love is all-inclusive. It is selfless, accepting, and it is about empathy, compassion, gratitude, and appreciation. True love is unconditional; and unconditional love is not with anybody or anything in particular, but rather, it is with Everybody and Everything. Such vibrational frequency, this mindset, essentially starts from within, as in loving oneself, then it is reflected outwards — shining out like sunbeams. Love is freely, willingly, unapologetically given out without expectation, for it is neither personal nor impersonal. It is an expression of the Higher Self, thus it is pure. Love is the Tao.
Conversely, attachment is exclusive. It is limiting; it breeds fear, pain of loss, and a sense of obsession and possession, which naturally leads to dependence, expectations, and boundaries. Attachment is about control. It’s about binding oneself to someone, or something; identifying with them — forgetting your own individuality in the process. Attachment is an expression of the ego, it thus brings upon foolish traits such as envy, pride, and jealousy.
Codependency: What Being Addicted to Someone Means further discusses attachments in relationships. And The Significance of Letting Go is another piece about attachment in details and how to overcome it. Because, “Let go or be dragged.”
Now, let us say you see a beautiful flower in a garden nearby your house. Love means you want the flower to grow and blossom and be in the best possible shape and form, because that is the initial reason why you love and appreciate it. So, you leave your home everyday to walk to the garden and water the flower. You keep an eye on it and shower it with care and attention so its beauty remains. You exert an effort.
Attachment means selfishly picking the flower to put it in a vase at home, so that only you can enjoy it. It is about wanting to control things ― or people ― by taking away their freedom. But there is no true will to exert much effort here. You see the difference?
As such, once the distinction between love and attachment is made clear, you will see that it is rather natural to admire without desire; to find some people interestingly appealing without actually ‘liking’ or “falling in love” with them. In other words, beyond romance or sexual attraction. When you love life and humanity, the appeal may solely be for the eyes or the mind as it doesn’t necessarily have to be for the heart as well. There is a good reason why Ancient Greeks had eight different types of love along with distinct words to describe each.
Unlike attachment, love transcends the physical separation. Therefore it is of spiritual essence. Attachment is a condition which can turn into a disorder. Love is a state of being, a mindset which can turn your life around.
“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh
― Thich Nhat Hanh
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