As some of you may know, I have been taking care of my ageing uncle whenever my aunt leaves to Egypt for short visits. They live in the Valley area and have been in the U.S since 1961. Mentally, the 86-year-old Dr. Abdel Fattah el Bitash, better known as Toutou, is completely fine and still quite sharp, it’s mainly one of his knees and some “water on the lungs” — known as fluid in the chest. As such, I leave Venice Beach and move in there for 10 days or even a couple of weeks; preparing breakfast, making dinner, and listening to his engaging stories.
Being in the area with nothing much to do, I end up writing a whole lot. Actually while here I have previously written several articles like the ants trilogy 1, 2, 3, which were inspired by the ants I observed in their backyard.
This year, however, the sweet man has lost his sense of taste (and smell). This is quite normal as the number of taste buds decreases while the rest begin to shrink after the age of 60. It has already happened to my dear mother and she’s coping with it. The man is also eating less portions.
Speaking of which, and on a lighter note, I am now reminded by a friend who twenty years ago lived with his grandmother who had also lost her sense of smell; so smoking weed inside the house was pretty cool and normal.
At first I tried a bit of psychology with Toutou, saying that he has known the taste of onions — which he adores — for 85 years, so whenever he eats onions he should envision what they taste like and the brain will do the rest.
Next came the cooking phase. A few hours after breakfast I go to his TV room and propose what to make that day, like a waiter who must entice the customer with words and images to keep him captivated. To be honest, I cannot imagine how this loss may affect someone as sensual as myself. So maybe I’m trying to find ways to cope before it ever occurs to me.
Dinner is usually served with more allure as I explain how I cooked the meal and all the added ingredients. This is usually followed by him smiling while his eyes widen up. I wish him a Bon Appétit and let him indulge while watching his favourite channels.
During this time I go to the kitchen and do the dishes. 30 minutes later I go back to take the leftover and do more dishes and that is that for the night. Though he may have a small snack later, like a piece of pumpkin pie, some ice cream, or a just a 7-Up; he’s not too crazy about fruits, salad or nuts, which are my kind of snacks.
Since I already enjoy cooking and feeding others, I do it all with joy. A
couple of times I was tempted to reduce the butter or salt in order to
make the meal healthier — because he cannot taste — but I didn’t do it.
In any way I cook healthily so there is no need to cheat.
Then again, an 86-year-old man, let alone a doctor who spent 60 years helping people, should do whatever he pleases. Even the occasional burger from Jack in the Box or those fried chickens I know he loves so much should be totally fine. These meals make him happy, then let him be happy.
Besides, he has always been relatively healthy, so eating fast food whenever he feels like it is not much of a big deal. Writing about this herein made me decide that this is exactly what I will be doing today: I will go get him some fri... no, grilled chicken and something else on the side and that will be dinner.
Mission accomplished
Thing is, I have always enjoyed the company of older folks. In fact, these yearly visits also inspire me to write some of my philosophical reflections; one of which is: Make
it a habit to every once in a while spend time with people over 80 and
children below 10. The experience of seeing the world through their eyes
tends to enrich our perspective. You do learn a whole lot from them. Many years into the future The Joy of Giving was conjured.
What is interesting is that whenever back here I’m always reminded by this peculiar sense of satisfaction stemming from helping someone who can never repay you and without expecting anything in return. For someone who is unmarried, childless, and leads a somewhat solitary life, this experience adds me with a certain substance that it seems I need in my life. Something to help me grow and to add to my humanness.
Apart from the topics covered in the three articles about him, what is equally intriguing is that one random day out of the blue, I received an email or Facebook message from a woman saying she worked for with Dr. Toutou at his earlier clinic in Hollywood — likely for more than 15 years in the 1970s and 80s. Apparently she came across one of the articles and decided to reach out. Seriously! This may be a 70-something-year-old Angelino who just happened to find my humble blog within the entirety of the Internet: It Is A Small World After All, huh.
I was in Venice Beach at the time yet excitingly called him and aunt to share, and he did obviously remember her. Eventually I got these ex-coworkers in touch, ending with one long adorable phone call. It was probably their first time to communicate in decades... thanks to the One Lucky Soul storytelling. And I was fortunate to be there to witness such heart-warming moment. How about that. It was quite moving to see with your own eyes how the combination of writing, stories, and the Internet can bring people together.
Shine On.
EDIT:
Dr. Abdel Fattah el Bitash passed away in 2019. Here are some photos taken throughout the years to celebrate the life of a wonderful man.
Maternal family circa early 60s: Grandfather Yehia, aunt Mahy,
grandmother Karima with Nada sitting on her laps, teenage mother and Dr.
Toutou — in his Dan Aykroyd stage as I always used to tell him.
With aunt and uncle during a wedding in L.A in 1989 when I rented a tuxedo. Same trip when aunt took me to a famous hairdresser to change my hair from the side to the back as if becoming an adult, which turned out to be a revolutionary act.
With cousin Teymour and Dr. Toutou by their same house in Van Nuys, L.A in 1997
Dr. Toutou captured by myself the Pacific Ocean in Santa Monica, 2014
Whenever I’m back to taking care of my 85-year-old uncle — preparing breakfast and cooking dinner — I’m always reminded by this peculiar sense of satisfaction stemming from helping someone who can never repay you and without expecting anything in return.
Yesterday here in Los Angeles, I told my uncle Dr. Abdel Fattah el Bitash, or Toutou, about the new Blue Balls article I was mid finalising. Other than being a passionate storyteller, he is a doctor after all, which made me share a few recently-learned medical terms with him to see what he has to say.
My article must have triggered a memory, because a little later as I was making dinner he came to sit close by and began with a story from 1956 Egypt…
“I was once at the Kasr El Aini Hospital when the male nurse (official title was bash tamargi) came and told me that there is a young girl from Upper Egypt (from Se3eed and they are Sa3ayda) with her whole family in the waiting room; if the girl is confirmed to be pregnant, they will kill her.”
For those who don’t know, upper Egypt folks are even more regressive than the rest of the country when it comes to sex and the “family’s honour” and all that jazz. I doubt things have changed much 60 years later.
So, the caring Dr. Toutou then headed to the office and asked the father and all the uncles to leave, only allowing the girl who was about 14 or 15 and her mother. The girl apparently was 9-months pregnant and almost ready to pop. He began his check-up, then looked at the mother and said in all seriousness: “How did you leave this ‘tumour’ unchecked for all this time? This should be removed as soon as possible because it’s dangerous.”
“The family was going to kill her; they don’t joke about things like that. The mother then was all tears and tried to kiss my hands as a sign gratitude,” he told me
“Oh, she believed?
“No, from that look in her sobbing eyes I knew she knew I did that to save her daughter’s life. Then I called Dr. X who was the head of the department and informed him about the situation. Papers were signed and the girl had a caesarean later at night. I think the father and uncles also knew. But for them, as long as the doctor said it’s a tumour, then the family’s honour remains untouched.”
“What about the baby?” I curiously asked.
“Orphanage.”
Somehow his story was like a flashback that took me to the 1950s’ black and white classic Egyptian movies I used to watch when younger: The rich boy impregnates his servant and then abandons her and the child; the child then grows up and tries to locate his or her father. Oh well.
I tip my hat to Dr. Abdel Fattah el Bitash for being such a humanist even at 25 years of age. Knowing that he was working in a public hospital and it was 1956 Egypt, this was certainly a revolutionary act which ended up saving two lives.
كل مرة أرجع أخد بالي من خالي العنده ٨٥ سنة — تجهيز فطار وطبيخ العشاء — بيراوجني هذا الاحساس العجيب بالرضا انك تساعد حد عمره ما
هايقدر يردلك هذا الفعل ومن غير ما إنت تنتظر حاجة في المقابل.
امبارح
في لوس أنجلوسقلت لزوج خالتي الدكتور عبد الفتاح البيطاش، أو توتو،عن أخر مقال لي عن Blue Balls. غير إنه سارد قصص شغوف فهو دكتور بردو، و ده خلاني
اشارك معه كام مصطلح طبي لسه متعلمهم وقلت أشوف هيقول ايه.
الموضوع شكله أثار حاجة في ذاكرته لانه بعد شوية وانا بحضر العشاء جيه قعد جانبي وبدء يسرد قصة من مصر في ١٩٥٦... ”كنت في القصر العيني مرة لما جاني الباشتمرجي وقال في بنت بره مع أهلها وهما صعيادة، لو البنت طلعت حامل هيقتلوها.“
مش متأكد بيحصل إيه الايام ديه في الصعيد بخصوص هذه الحالات، بس ماظنش إن فيه أي تغيير جذري.
المهم،
الدكتور الرصين إتجه إلي العيادة وطلب من الاب والعمام والخلان انهم
يسيبه الاوضة، ليفضل بس البنت اللي كان عندها ١٤ أو ١٥ سنة وأمها. البنت
طلعت حامل فتسعة أشهر وجاهزه. هو بدأ يكشف وبعدين بص للام وقال بجدية:
ازاي ’الورم‘ ده إتساب كل الوقت ده؟ ده لازم يتشال ضروري في أقرب وقت ممكن.
”العيلة كانت هاتموتها؛ ما بيهزروش فلالحاجات ديه. الأم وقتها باست ايدي وهي بتعيط.“ قال الدكتور.
”إيه ده صدقت؟ لأ. من النظرة إلي فعينيها وهي بتعيط عرفت انها عارفة اني عملت كده علشان أنقذ حياة بينتها. بعدها كلمت دكتور X اللي كان رئيس القسم وحكيتله الموضوع. الورق إتمضي والبنت عملت عملية قيصرية في نفس الليلة. أظن الاب والعمام والخلان كانو بردو عارفين. بس بمائن الدكتور قال ده ورم، بقي مافيش موضوع شرف العيلة والكلام ده.
حصل إيه لأبو حلموس؟“ سألته بفضول. ”الملجأ.“
القصة القصيرة ديه كانت ذي flashback رجعني لايام أفلام الابيض واسود الكلاسيكية بتاعت الخمسينات: إبن الباشا يعمل الدنيئة مع الفلاحة، هي تحبل وهو يتبري منها ومن العيل والسيل. والولد أو البنت يكبروا ويحاولوا الوصول للأب. أيون.
Reaching L.A in California after roaming around the U.S for a few months, I got to connect with my 83-year-old uncle Dr. Bitash, or simply Toutou. He is the husband of my mother's only sister and they have been living here since they left Egypt in the mid 60s. The man is a true savant with an extraordinary memory, and listening to his stories is like taking a magical trip through history, which always leaves me with a whole lot of new information as well as a few things to ponder on.
As sort of interviews, I already wrote this first Piece then followed by another One, though they are both in Arabic since it's about the history of Egypt.
This time, however, I'm not interviewing him but I'm trying to understand his mentality. After all, he was born in 1933 and that's 44 years before my time. In general, I love all elders and enjoy spending time with them. I enjoy listening to their stories, what they have gone through, and how life was different back then. And it's even more enjoyable if they are natural-born storytellers who only repeat themselves on occasions.
I actually hold that it's healthy to spend time with people over 80 and kids below 10 because you do learn a lot from them.
Obviously I knew Toutou all my life but I never really had the chance to spend much time or bond with him since he resided in the States. My close friends have always told me that there is a 50-year-old man inside of me, and I think an intergenerational friendship had started between him and this amazing human.
Earlier this week I came to stay with Dr. Toutou, and since my aunt is visiting Egypt and we are all alone in the house we got to speak about all sorts of things. We're in the quite area of the Valley so, nothing much to do and it's ridiculously hot outside. I hear that it could get 20 degrees hotter than where I was before by the beach in Venice and Santa Monica.
In most of the topics I'm merely a listener, simply because he knows much more than I do. In other 'newer' topics I find myself sometimes facing an old mentality which is the initial reason why I'm writing this. Not as a sort of complaint in any way, shape or form, but as an attempt to understand the human mind and the concept of ageing.
The conversation between us keeps flowing smoothly for hours at a time, it's not like I sit there craming my heads with all these thoughts and not enjoy the moment with him, and I'm only reflecting upon them now as I write.
We know that it's usually hard to change the mentality of old people, so I did not attempt it with Toutou. It just happened that among a wide array of topics we got to discuss, 'health' was one of them.
One the second day, he mentioned today's lunch and asked if I wanted KFC because they make this bucket and I don't know what. He seemed excited, so I nicely said that he can have some and I'll eat something else because I don't really eat junk or fried food. He then gently said forget about it and we ended with a healthier grilled chicken. Since then, and during the rest of my stay, I cook for us almost daily and all the food is fairly healthy.
The engaging conversation led us a few times to McDonald's and KFC, Fluoride in water, marijuana as well as what "working" means for the both of us.
From what I already know through personal research, today's McDonald's and KFC can merely be called food because of all the chemicals used in making them. In actual fact, only 15% is real beef in McDonald's, the rest are the fatty parts that are washed in ammonium hydroxide and used as fillers. Before this process, the meat is deemed unfit for human consumption. This toxicity may actually be OK with many, considering the 99 cent-prices and the fact that their outlets are insanely everywhere.
I had stopped eating any junk food many years ago and likely never will again. But to reach where I am now concerning these habits happened gradually, and it started with a trust issue towards big corporations. The thing is, when they become so huge their sole philosophy becomes money, it's all about profit not quality. So shit happens.
I remember my first shock was the guy from Utah who kept his Big Mac for 14 years and still looked intact.
The second was the horse meat scandal a couple of years ago in the U.K, Burger King, IKEA AND Taco Bell. How stable from the meat providers! (pun certainly intended)
This was alarming because it was hitting closer to home. Burger King was my preferred in the burger world and I had eaten there in England a few times; and, I once ate at IKEA, in Canada...but still.
Then last year it was the yoga mat material (Azodicarbonamide) in Subways' bread. Subways too!
The thing is that the above are not just stories in newspapers or hoaxes stirred up by envious competitors, but are real cases that are taken to court and the "corporations" have actually confessed about all such gibberish found in their food. So the question is, how can we trust them again?
By the time I quit altogether I had already been cooking everyday. This allowed me to eat healthy and to get creative with food, because one can always learn new recipes and make new dishes. And that's exactly what I'm doing here during my stay with Toutou, especially after learning that during the yearly three months when my aunt isn't around he eats either from Carl Jr. or McDonald's. This major life change was not only for health reasons, but also because cooking is a lot of fun.
Just yesterday I made oxtail soup with oxtail and white rice which he had never eaten before. It takes three and a half hours to make, but if you're into cooking you know it's all worth it to cook and feed someone you care about — and I learned this by how I get ecstatic to cook for old friends and show them my newly-acquired skills. Bear in mind, however, that fast food's bad effects cannot really be sensed if eating it only occasionally. I remember before quitting completely I would feast once every few months on some KFC bucket or a Double Whopper. I would get naked (figuratively...or not) and oily and greasy and simply indulge. But taken on a regular basis and/or in great quantities, fast food's hazards can really be detrimental to our health. You know it has always been considered to be the unhealthiest option ever for a reason.
I think quitting for me also had a moral aspect to it. I couldn't be against their health choices or how they treat their underpaid employees then go eat there. So boycotting felt like the right thing to do.
For the topic of fluoride (sodium fluoride), there is absolutely no medical reason for its existence in drinking water or anywhere. It is historically known that fluoride was used in Nazi Concentration camps and the gulags in Siberia to keep their prisoners docile and easy to control. Comprehensive studies have shown that it is a powerful central nervous system (CNS) toxin and can adversely affect human brain functioning even at low doses; it causes bone fractures, lowered IQ, thyroid dysfunction, cancer, allergies among other things.
In fact, fluoride isn't one substance, that's just a cover-up umbrella term; it contains some toxic chemicals like lead, arsenic, aluminum, cadmium and fluorosilicic acid.
That's not me, Google it and see what science thinks, especially if you live in the U.S and drink from the tap. This Article is a start if you want to remove or reduce your and your loved ones intake of this poison. There is also the below short doc which explains it plainly.
The hazardous thing with fluoride is that it's not just about drinking water, but it is also absorbed through the skin when bathing, showering, or swimming in fluoridated water; it is absorbed through the tissues of your mouth when brushing your teeth; it is used in insecticide so it is on our fresh produce.
Above all this, fluoride also calcifies the pineal gland by accumulating there. That's a different story we might discuss some other time. Ever notice how fluoridated toothpastes have warning labels on them and fluoride-free toothpastes do not? Sodium fluoride is even more toxic than certain forms of rat poison.
The thought-provoking is that during the ultra-secret Manhattan Project, a report was commissioned to assess the effect of fluoride on humans. That report was classified 'secret' for reasons of "(alleged) national security". I mean, really, if they carried on experiments with LSD and other psychotropic drugs on unwary citizens and committed some mind-control freakywicked stuff for years with MK-Ultra, why would that be so strange to accept? Besides, it's banned in Europe and most of Canada, why is it still used in the U.S?
Another time we started talking about the ambiguous word 'work'. The older generation don't really relate to what working independently means. They were all workers of some sort, and I was too, for 10 years. Then I realized that it's not for me, though I had always sensed I had a different calling.
So "work," I know it doesn't have to be "for" someone and you can be independent like the case of artists and investors and adventurers and explorers...and mystics. It's more of a journey here, Doc, a vocation. And money or applause aren't the destination.
Work does not have to be from 9 to 5 or in shifts. It also sure does not, or should not, have to be something you don't like but just do to keep up with the system. Apart from being slavery, that is suicide.
He happened to tell me something like that when discussing the case I plan to get married, and I have heard it many times before and wholeheartedly don't agree with. “You have to do it because that's how it's done.” Because that's all we know is what they really want to say.
I have actually done that for years and I was working for the best multinational corporations, so when I say no it comes from knowing. Thanx but no thanx. Besides, I see people having great jobs doing things they don't care about, and guess what? None of them is truly or essentially happy. It brings money, yes, social status, it could. But to excel and shine one has to follow the path of his heart. If we're doing it because we feel that we must, just like a homework, then we can't really go far.
If you think about it you'll find that whatever we call work nowadays usually has negative connotation. It entails doing something you don't want to do, something unnatural ― think homework. And that is a problem. Mark Twain said that work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions. And no one could have said it better. It's all in how you look at it.
I see the word 'work' itself to mean doing something. If you can be fully immersed into it, then great. Work also means to create. The value of what you create may only be significant to you, but it really doesn't matter. In art for example, there is a certain thrill in reliving our own conceptions; for leaving something that wasn't there before; for being co-creators of the Universe.
When you consistently keep doing that something, out of repetitions, you become good at it. So you keep doing it more and get even better. And if you're doing it with love and passion, then that's a big plus and you'll likely go places in Life. That's how I see it.
I also think that if you're good enough money and abundance will come to you; no need to sell yourself or exchange your reality for a role and for some papers. These views are specifically why some think of me as too much of a dreamer or even have a Utopian way of looking at things. Maybe I do maybe I don't, as long as I'm happy.
The thing is, I'm sure he knows what I'm talking about as he is a practising doctor living in 2014 Los Angeles. It's just that it's a different paradigm in which he floats, and days-long discussions like these can show a lot. He's also a doctor with a highly developed left brain who thinks philosophy is nonsense and art is just art.
Same thing more or less for the subject of Marijuana. I only remember telling him and my aunt once how it is legal now and that green pharmacies (dispensaries) are all over California. Their only humorous response was to stay away from them. I chose not to go further here as well because by now I think I know what kind of information could reach him and what couldn't. Logically, marijuana seems to be one of those subjects that will not go through.
Even with being an open minded ex-surgeon who's still practicing medicine for exactly 60 years, Dr. Toutou couldn't really wrap
his mind around some new paradigms. Not out of narrow-mindedness or anything like that, but it's because there is a certain mental gap. I didn't, however, feel like pushing too much as we spoke about such topics. But for him to actually believe me, he
has to come to terms that what he's been doing for many years of
his life is unhealthy, either eating the junk food or
drinking fluoridated tap water and unwarily ingesting it through other means.
I think the worst in my opinion is knowing that the authorities are deliberately intoxicating the people and allowing corporations to rule the scene. That is really one paradigm-shattering realization, for no one likes to get fooled, let alone a well-read doctor at his age.
It will also beg some deeper question, like why. Is it for depopulation purposes or is it for crippling the masses mentally and physically and spiritually by keeping them passive and apathetic and under control? Scary thought to see how the value of the life of man could be such a dearth commodity nowadays.
Of course when I told him why I choose
to not eat and drink such items, he semi-sarcastically asked me if I
believe these things. I said I do but, again, didn't venture further as my
intention was not to change his mind. At some point he even said the fluoride is good for you. I found later that he must have meant the good fluoride, the natural existing calcium fluoride.
In a way I feel like sitting him down and showing him the scientific evidence. Because of how the media is today, someone like him would never know about any of these things if it's not in the mainstream scene. He loves to read but he also loves to watch T.V, and that's what he has been doing for decades now, everyday. Mainly all is through Egyptian cable, and that means the mind-numbing soap operas and all the news I had happily divorced five years ago. That's another factor when considering the difference in paradigms. But then everyone at his age watches T.V. Heck, most people I know watch T.V, and I know a lot of people.
Oh, well.
In another way, why would I want to do that? All this has reminded me that we people tend to prefer the familiarity rather then getting lost in the novelty. Toutou actually seems progressive compared to others as he knows how to use the laptop; he's also relatively healthy for his age. However, my aunt for example, who is 10 years younger, does not come near the computer because she's afraid from it; it makes her comfortable as she once confessed.
Likewise, their daughter and her husband were not really convinced when I tried to explain that changing to Firefox or Chrome from Explorer would be way better. They seemed reluctant to take the risk. And that's an even younger generation.
Another example was my former teacher and editor who's in her 50s and doesn't own a mobile phone — probably for more or less the same reason.
I remember that I, too, was fighting the iPod when it came out in the late 90s because I loved my CD collection and their artworks and their lyrics. Eventually I got one in 2002 as I gift from my aunt and loved it; it's the same one I still have today. Then I fought Facebook and made fun of my sister and her friends for using it. Then it was the Blackberry, but got one as a gift from my mother as she was getting the newer. And for the last four years, I've also been fighting the iPhone and still going strong...until now.
All that clinging to the past is because I was satisfied with my current situation, even though the novelty and the technology naturally can make our life easier. So I can relate, and perhaps also I'm a little afraid that I won't be able to keep up and become out of touch from reality when older. Not that I'm SO in touch with it now... but you know what I mean.
See, people are generally afraid from what they don't know. They don't like not knowing because they are conditioned to fear the unknown, some may fight it. But the reality is, we are not born like that, we are taught to fear; it's acquired.
Fearing the unknown could be problematic.
One, because naturally there will always be things you don't know. And since change is the only constant in life, it will make you uncomfortable and you'll probably live in a small and contained loop, surrounded by the “comfort zone” all the things you do know represent, which is the case for many people.
Two, it distances you from the world. This one doesn't sound that bad, but I mean distance you from the real existence — from the Truth. You're stuck in that loop and it's full of other people's ways of thinking and words...and, you know, whole culture. And if all your mental intake has been coming through T.V and newspapers year after year, and you believe what you see, hear, and read, then I dare saying that you must be brainwashed to some degree. We were all there at some point.
Three is highly important. And it's you never get to do or learn new things. That is a killer, because, in general, with no change, life becomes boring and repetitive. You don't grow through it, you're merely existing and getting older. For the day we stop learning new things is the day we start ageing.
At the end, I believe it's probably wise to let the elders live in their own world without disturbing them. Nothing good can come out from shattering the paradigm he knows. As for myself, I choose to keep pushing the envelope of my own generation; I choose to shift paradigms, because it's good for me and it keeps me healthy. And I do that by learning from men like Dr. Toutou, from their victories, their regrets, and their stories.
“Man is nothing else but what he makes of himself.”
―
Jean-Paul Sartre
