Thursday, 4 August 2016

What’s the Story with Blue Balls (and Blue Vulva)?

Blue Balls by SimplyAddictive

Once during my mid-20s and working in a hotel, a reception girl passed out in the back area. I was the only one there and proceed to carry her and put her on a chair. A colleague helped out before we called the hotel doctor to come check up on her. 

This was maybe an hour before the shift ends, and we agreed that she’ll leave then and I will take her home. Her house was pretty far so by the time we got there it was already dark. Then, the girl passed out again right there on the seat next to mine.

It was a remote area where I parked the car. I then held her hand while calling her name, trying to gently wake her. At a certain moment I sensed that she might be faking it.

Still, the 22-year-old girl had long hair and legs and looked exceptionally seductive in that short uniform dress. The whole situation of me being her ‘boss’ and her being so vulnerable somehow turned me on — the high possibility that she could be faking it so that something would happen added a certain tabooistic-teenage excitement to the whole thing. But morally speaking, there wasn’t much for me to do. 

Eventually, the girl awoke and guided us to her house. I said goodnight and left. Then slowly I began noticing some excruciating pain in my testicles like I have never felt before. I called a friend who’s five years older and told him about my adventure and about the pain. He confidently said: “You need to jack off.



I did park the car and, being so horny, it didn’t take much to discharge. I remember that the pain didn’t go away right after. But it slowly kept receeding until I got home about half an hour later.

Only then was I acquainted with the concept of blue balls. I mean, generally, it never felt good down there — or up there — when fooling around then not finishing. I’m certain that at least once in their lifetime, all men have experienced that agony caused by the sexual anticipation of foreplay followed by… nothing.

Usually, to be left hanging like that gets us guys frustrated and kind of angry at the “cock-teaser”. But it’s actually not their fault, you see. They are not required to finish you off, even though knowing about blue balls could make them inclined to be more empathetic and understanding towards the whole thing.

Yet, I had never really known it was a thing until that day. 

I still didn’t give it much attention. Having always been active, it wasn’t something that frequently occurred, hence there was nothing to worry about. Or so I thought.

This incident reminded me of a school boy who had once experienced extreme pain in his testicles during his mid teens. He consulted a doctor who told him that he needs to relieve himself. The guy was kind of religious and apparently thought that masturbation is a sin, so he never did it — until he got blue balls and was forced to.

As mentioned, since I constantly discharge, I don’t remember having experienced serious pain again up until fast-forwarding to a few days ago. I was out at the Drum Circle when a sexy woman I know got totally pixilated and started physically flirting with me. Even though due to, once again, my moral fixation, I didn’t go all the way as I would have in normal circumstances, I still lightly played around, in public. We stayed maybe 45 minutes before we all left.

While heading home on the bike, I began feeling some pain building up around the scrotum area. A familiar sensation which at first I didn’t link to anything. But then when I got home the pain had already reached an uncomfortable level — throughout not just the balls but the entire lower abdomen. This was when I remembered blue balls and what happened to me 14 years prior in the car.

Of course I did what I had to do. And again, the swelling pain took maybe 15 or 20 minutes afterwards to subside. Then I thought I should write this article to shed light on such mysterious biological phenomenon.

Whether you have no balls at all, are a horny teenage boy, or just curious about what blue balls are, one can safely assume that the following general knowledge would interest you.

So what are blue balls?

hen men are physically turned on, blood flows to the penis and testicles causing erection and swelling — from 25 to 50 percent increase in size. Once there is climax, everything goes back to its original dimensions. But if there is no climax after the stimulation, or they do not ‘finish’, the build-up of blood pressure, medically termed Vasocongestion, causes a temporary fluid congestion.

The fluids are produced in the testicles in order to propel sperm through the many tubes; when they have nowhere to go, the congestion causes swelling. This is physically translated as a dulling pain in the cojones. The pain actually feels like someone squeezing them. Aouch.

Epididymal Hypertension is the medical term for blue balls: “Testicular aching that occurs when the blood in the male’s genitals is retained after prolonged sexual arousal and is not dissipated by an orgasm”. Apparently, it does not occur to all males. Perhaps this is related to the different level of testosterone found in men.

Blue balls is not only the result of unfinished business, but it could also be caused by lack of sex, or ejaculation in general — just like that clogged schoolboy.

What is noteworthy is that without ejaculation, more stress, discomfort, and frustration are likely to complement the physical pain. A reason why some men exaggerate their blue balls situation, trying to make their women feel guilty about it.

Even though waiting or sleeping it off, even cold showers, may work in easing the temporary pain and swelling of blue balls, but if being horny got you to this point, then having an orgasm and just cumming may be the only natural, rational relief. Unless you’re some weirdo.

Let us remember that life is too short to spend it frustrated. It is healthy to have an orgasm or two every day. If you can’t find someone suitable to have it with, know that science has proven that masturbating provides plenty of healthy benefits, including stress relief. Now go fuck each other or yourselves and calm down. You do have my blessing.

Speaking of ejaculation, check The Intertwining of Music and Sexuality ― A Djembefola’s Tale where I am investigating the reason why mine exponentially increase following a drum session. 

The slang expression “blue balls” came to be used when a partner(s) teases a man and leaves him hanging or when a man hasn’t had sex in aeons — describing a state of sexual frustration. ‘Blue’ is punnily suitable as it also means ‘sad’ or ‘depressed’, which could work when you’re trying to make them feel sorry for you and get you off. But as mentioned, the phenomenon is scientifically recognised and ‘blue’ in the nomenclature is not just a random colour. 

Epididymal Hypertension is colloquially termed “blue balls” because it is held that the scrotum area may turn a bluish hue from the accumulation of de-oxigenated blood in the testicles. Oxygen-rich blood on the surface of the skin creates a reddish colour, while blood with little oxygen appears blue. Without “uncloging the pipe”, the blood stays in the testicles and scrotum without circulating to the heart and lungs. This decreases the oxygen level which causes the blueness of the skin.

Interestingly, Ladies and Gentlemen, the condition can also affect females. And it is colloquially called “Blue Vulva”. Seriously.

The medical term is “Pelvic Congestion” and it is caused when women are sexually aroused and the vulva, uterus, and ovaries swell with blood. This causes a similar feeling of the heaviness and aching of blue balls. Just like men, the discomfort dissipates once orgasm is reached, or after some time has elapsed. But if there is no relief, then they become frustrated and blue vulva it is. Fair and square.

This conveniently reminds me of Femme mal baisée, which is a French term describing a frustrated, intolerable, and unsatisfied woman. According to the expression, the reason why those women become unable to be loving is that they never got their healthy dose of sex.

Note that pelvic congestion is different from “Pelvic Congestive Syndrome”, which according this Article is a condition where enlarged varicose veins cause chronic aching in the pelvic region. The pain or discomfort one experiences from (PCS) cannot simply be relieved through orgasm. Bur rather it is often treated through a procedure called embolization.

Intriguingly, there is not much medical research when it comes to blue balls — or blue vulva. Perhaps because it is a temporary, non-contagious, and non-life-threatening condition, it is not taken seriously by the scientific community. Perhaps also because it doesn’t require therapy, drugs, or any money-making; but the solution simply lies in sexual release.

This unpopularity makes some people, probably most of them women, think that blue balls is just a myth. Others regard it as an excuse by men to get frisky, or even worse, that the men are just being “big babies” about it. But I’m telling you it is real indeed, and the pain is not fun at all. 

On a parallel note, an additional information I learned recently is that one testicle is often slightly larger than the other. This is usually normal and nothing to worry about. However, if you notice that one testicle has enlarged you should ask your doctor to check it. Generally, the right testicle is larger than the left. Also, one testicle (usually the left) often hangs lower than the other.

Likewise, 65 percent of women have the left breast larger than the right, which is the same percentage of men having a left testis hanging lower than the right. 

Now you know what blue balls is, what causes it, and how to treat it. Now you can be more empathetic towards yourself and your partners... whether males or females.

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