Tuesday, 18 October 2016

Even More Things I Never (Really) Told Anyone

Following Things I Never Told Anyone and More Things I never (Really) Told anyone, here are even more classified material.

1- Whenever I eat watermelon alone I almost always drink the left over from the plate before washing it. Who doesn’t like watermelon juice?

2- I still know about 87% of Ice Ice Baby’s lyrics by heart. 

3- I’ve never watched Titanic, Happy Potter, Games of Thrones, or Breaking Bad. 

4- Playing sports was a big fascination when younger. From soccer first, to tennis, to table tennis and basketball, I loved them all. However, during my mid-teens what made me start going to the gym was a single boat trip with some new friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and for some reason the guys began doing some pull-ups on the deck. I didn’t do very well. And that was it. It remained a motivation for the next few years to grow my muscles and become stronger.

5- While cleaning my brush by removing all the hair I often remember Newman holding it and saying: ‘Jerry!’

6- Almost 90% of all my ex-partners are currently unmarried. 

7- Whenever I’m writing about a heavy topic I don’t think of sex as much as I normally do.

8- I once shared a ganja spliff with six Japanese explorers on top of the Great Pyramid one late night in the mid 90s. Only two of them did smoke. One asked what it was and for some odd reason I said ‘hash’. After taking a couple of puffs he smilingly said: “This is not hash, this is weed. Egyptian hash is mixed with henna.” I corrected myself and was impressed by his knowledge.

This unusually thrilling adventure made me think about how many people throughout those past five millennia actually stood up there on top of the last remaining Seven Wonders of the Ancient World and blazed. This is the full story: The Great Pyramid’s Blessed Curse.

9- I enjoy drinking water while standing up rather than sitting down — feels more refreshing. I also find something unappealing about drinking water in a coffee mug.

10- Call me weird but I like go to bed with clean feet, and body in general. Whenever it would happen that this girl I was living with for a while was about to get into bed with me with dirty feet, I was always faced with a dilemma. This is not during camping, or after a 12-hour Tantric sex marathon around the house, or after tripping balls. But on normal, boring nights when we consciously head to bed for sleep.

So the sensible, thoughtful thing I resorted to was to play a little skit. I say: “My feet are so dirty from wearing flip-flops (or something), I need to wash them before going to bed.” And I actually go ahead and wash my feet, even though I usually didn’t have to. And it worked almost every single time: She would follow me to the bathroom and wash hers. Ta-Da.

 Other times, I would just tell her.

It’s not just about me, you see. Maybe I wanted to surprise-wake her up with breakfast in bed along some sensual toe-sucking. Why limit your options.

“I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together”


Things I Never Told Anyone

More Things I Never (Really) Told Anyone

Funny Drug-Related Stories

The Great Pyramid’s Blessed Curse
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