Saturday, 23 April 2016

Things I Never Told Anyone

Just as the title says. Some of them because there was never any occasion. Others, well, because they are weird personal things people don’t usually talk or even think about. Let alone publish online. But someone has got to do it, and I humbly volunteered. So here you go.

On that same note, also check the following More Things I Never (Really) Told Anyone, Even More Things I Never (Really) Told Anyone, and Some of my First Times.

1- If I ever have to pee in the shower, I cup one hand and make an umbrella over my wee-wee so the running water doesn’t interrupt the process or the projectile. 

2- In the whole history of the Internet, I don't think I ever LOL'd. I also never used the Facebook Chat.

3- If my fingers are dry when I’m about the cut my nails, I usually suck on them briefly to make them slightly wet and the cutting easier. 

4- When it happens that I don’t have money at all, I sometimes give away my last couple of Pounds of Dollars to a homeless person, thinking that they probably need them more. It gives me a peculiar, unexplainable sense of freedom and happiness. 

5- I often downgrade my vocabulary when I talk to certain people so I don’t sound cocky or pretentious.

6- I sometimes write sarcastic comments on people’s posts on Facebook, then never post them. Because through the years I realized how they have become more and more sensitive to what I say — or write.

7- I loved numbers as a kid. I would count my pee as I would count my steps from the sporting club to my grandma’s house. Sometimes I would try to predict the final number before counting. This stayed with me until today and came to be quite useful in a variety of ways.

8- At some point in my life I made lots of money from real estate, then spent most of it over several months on heroin, cocaine, sushi, and the girls and women who were around then, in that particular order (in terms of importance, not value). A thousand dollars a night on average…in Egypt!

9- In my late teenage years, I had a sort of fantasy to be caught cheating by a girlfriend then have her throw water — from a glass — on my face in a semi-public place. 
You know like we see in the movies.

10- In my early 30s in Toronto, I spent three birthdays in a row in Wonderland, riding scary rides and enjoying the adrenaline rushes. Because natural highs don't have lows.

And it's a wrap. It’s been fun and I actually feel slightly lighter now that I’ve shared with you that which was never worded before. I guess you're not too weird after all, huh.

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