In light of Things I never Told Anyone, its Sequel and Threequel, the following are five of my first times. Except the cat one, all others took place during the few years I spent in Toronto, Canada. After all, this was the time I opened up to life and began a new chapter. More first times means trying new things and learning new things, which is how we stay young at heart and never get bored.
1- First time to remove the hair on my back:
In my mid 20s I was dating an older woman who suggested that I remove the hair on my back. Of course for me this seemed absurd. A simple reason is that I am hairy all over, chest and legs, so with a smooth back I’d sure look weird. She would jokingly say that I should remove the chest too, but none of this ever happened. I actually doubt that she really meant it.
Ten years had passed and I was in a different relationship with a younger girl. I introduced them to each other and we used to hang out sometimes; which is something I absolutely love and cherish — because for me it’s a reminder that Peace on Earth is achievable. I believe I must have told the new girlfriend about what the woman used to ask me and how I never did it.
I’m not exactly sure what happened then, but some time later the girl also asked me if I wanted to remove the hair on my back. She said she has this cream and it’s a simple process. After all these years, I thought what the heck: Let’s do it.
I got into the shower, she put the cream on my back and in a matter of few minutes I began smelling the hair burns. It certainly was not a pleasant aroma. I went on with my shower and, Ploof, the hair was gone. It felt weird wearing anything because the skin was too smooth. A few weeks later and it grew again. So that was that. Now what? Never again.
2- First time to take a drug up the peter:
During my late teenage years after being introduced to MDMA (ecstasy), this dude we knew who lived in London told us that some people put the pills up their asses because it gets you higher. Of course we never thought about trying it and actually it became a joke in-between a couple of my friends and I. “Do you want to get higher? Yes. OK, turn around.”
Many years later, I was taking a medicine called buprenorphine to wean off years of opiate usage. It was a relatively new, so doctors, especially in North America, didn’t know much about it and were over-prescribing it. I began doing my own research because I planned to slowly reduce the dosage before quitting all together. Interestingly, I found that you can indeed take some drugs up yours in what is called plugging and rectal buprenorphine is a thing.
The reason I wanted to try it is that the bio-availability of the drug is 30% if taken sublingually, which was how most people took it. The bio-availability reached 50% if taken nasally as some did. This way you can control the small doses even more. Apart from the intravenous and intramuscular way, which are not my thing, there you have the inter-rectal route which reaches a bio-availability of 54%. I have also read many first-hand accounts on Bluelight and know that it works.
Another reason I decided to go for it is to counter the boredom of taking that quarter of a pill (or 1/10 eventually) everyday in the same way. Despite the fact that the medicine didn’t get me “high”, but after a decade of getting high, a new route of administration would possibly spice the routine up a tiny teeny bit.
So, I bought a baby syringe and went back home excited for the novelty. I prepared the solution and laid on my side on the bathroom floor with one leg in the air... and Bam I pushed it in. You have to keep lying for a few so it doesn’t fall out. It did work but obviously jumping few % higher in bio-availability wouldn’t exactly make that much of a difference, at least to me personally. I was still happy to try something new and did it one more time few days later or so. And that was that with trying any drugs up the bumbum.
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| 2010 in Toronto with much less white on the goatee |
3- First time to feel a cat’s purr:
I was visiting Cairo and sharing the house with my sister when her cute cat and I began bonding. By the second day, she came and laid on my chest as I massaged her head before she began purring. The vibration felt so good, yet being mainly a dog guy and a newbie around cats, I was a tad worried; it was actually my first time to really bond with a cat and hear them purr. I also knew that my sister got hers from the streets, so I called her up to inquire if the feline had a pulmonary problem. She laughed and explained that this is the famous purr.
Since I stayed there for a few months I wanted to learn more about cats. I did some research and found out why it is believed that they purr as well as its healing properties. I even wrote an article, Why Cats Give Massages, about why they knead.
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| I miss her |
4- First time to see potatoes sprout:
When I moved to Toronto in my early 30s my experience in the kitchen was pretty average. There I was living alone and had to teach myself everything. On my first month or so I bought potatoes which I loved to bake. I stored them for a while until that one day I found stuff growing out of them. Hm. Having a partner back then, I called her to inquire instead of Googling it. She said to just remove them before cooking the potatoes and that this is normal when you leave them for longer than usual.
Much later I learned that the sprouts are dubbed “the eyes of the potato”. How cute.
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| One way to beat staying indoors is to learn how to cook. I actually loved it so much that I was overdoing it. |
Again I was in Toronto and it was during the first days of December and my first Canadian winter. Even though I have been around quite a bit of snow in my life, but have never seen it from the 20th floor and not that type. So that one day I was looking out the window and found powdery flakes flying in the air. First thought, the neighbours are dusting something and causing it — what frequently happens in Egypt. Then I went out in the balcony only to realise that it was lightly snowing and that is how it looks like from up there. Later that day I snapped the below photo.
Stay tuned for more First Times, there are many.
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| You can see the difference between December here and the last week of October shown in the featured photo |
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