Friday, 23 December 2016

Things I Miss From Being in a Relationship

Being single in your mid-late 30s after a six-year relationship is quite the experience. When it first happened a couple of years ago, I wanted to write an article titled: Single in Your Mid 30s: Now What? I never actually proceeded to write it, probably because I wanted to live through the experience without having to think much about it. And if I write a piece about a certain topic, I end up by thinking about so many related topics, which adds expectations and would certainly affect the experience itself.

Before this last long-term relationship, and excluding the first real teenie love story from 15 to 18-years old, all other long ones lasted more or less around one year. But I did enjoy all of them because there was enough time to bond and know each other well. I actually like having a steady girl or woman in my life. But not more than having peace of mind. So if they can’t complement each other then I’m certainly better off alone.

That said, being a writer and drummer living in Venice Beach, Los Angeles as a single man offers one lots of opportunities when it comes to dating. Now that I’m at a radically different stage of my life, those past two years were full of fun, freedom, and adventures. I can confidently say that I needed this time before getting back into the dating game. I am equipped with a more enhanced, and perhaps more balanced, view on being in a relationship which brings out the best of myself as well as herself; I also know myself much better.

Remember, the right bonds are those that add you with substance. As a favourite Rumi quote beautifully puts it: “Either give me more wine or leave me alone.”

Much more about the matter can be found in this recent existential piece of mine: Why I Choose to Remain a Non-Dad for Now — Reflections on Being Childless.

Conversely, even though I have been enjoying my life to the fullest as a non-attached man, and you can read for yourselves on When Choosy Men Reject Women, there are certain situations from past experiences which sometimes cross my mind. This leads me to conclude that I long for being in a relationship — only a right one. The following is a list of some of the things I miss from having a cool female in my life.

1. Boobs to love.

2. Comfortable silence. Those moments I am peacefully doing my own thing, probably reading or writing, while she’s doing her own. Whatever the “things” may be.

3. Boobs again (I’m a sensual man).

4. The feminine scent emanating from the bathroom after their long hot showers.

5. This, of course, leads us to perfume.  

6. Cuddling and snuggling and huggling — especially in winter. Warm soft skin against my own, and especially the thighs and arms.

 Absolutely nothing says ‘cosy’ more than the warmth of a woman’s skin against yours.

7. Massages. For someone who is physically active as I am, a sensual rub down by the missus can be utter bliss. I would let them walk all over my back and caboose with their feet while I moan in pleasure. Other times I would return the favour and give them a massage which I’m quite good at. Without a steady partner one has to resort to other alternatives.

8. Having someone else propose something different for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Maybe also cook as many women do for their men. Not that I would ever stop cooking myself, simply because I love it as I love feeding others. But the occasional novelty is certainly wicked. Similarly, cooking together as a couple can truly be an artistic, even spiritual experience. 

9. Other than cooking, comes eating out. Dressing up and going out for brunch or to wine and dine with a partner is another thing I miss.

10. While eating out, ordering different plates so we get to share. This one is gold.

11. The abundance of sex as well as getting better at it. This list is not by importance... obviously.

12. Reminding me of my own soft side. How females are so delicate and gentle and sweet — well, most of them and when they choose to be.

13. Watching something while being cosy, which usually ends with some of them falling asleep by 25 minutes or so.

 Or better yet, going to the movies since I do not watch TV.

14. Hikes, beach days, picnics, camping, holidays. I still do these but without a lady companion — or even a dog — I must admit it’s not the same.

15. Having someone other than yourself plan something for the day or the weekend. It’s more or less the same concept of the feeding in point 6. When you’re truly into your partner, there is always something to do and most outings end up being enjoyable — even those occasional boring shopping days at the mall.

16. Being in sync with another soul. Not as superficial as finishing each others’ sentences, but more of thinking each others’ thoughts.

Some women can make you feel like the King of the World. Others lead you to appreciate being the King of your Castle. And then there are those special Goddesses who propel you to feel both simultaneously while enjoying the merry ride we call life with you. I know the latter exist.


Why I Choose to Remain a Non-Dad for Now — Reflections on Being Childless

When Choosy Men Reject Women

Not Sleeping With a French Hooker at 14

Dealing with High Awareness and Empathic Accuracy

What Is Fear of Abandonment and How to Overcome It

Codependency: What Being Addicted To Someone Means

Personal Questions Im Often Asked and Their Answers

The Couple Who Couldn’t Handle My Honesty

Things I Couldn't Quite Understand After Being On The Road For Seven Months

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