One Lucky Soul: Une Fatwa Translated

Une Fatwa Translated by Omar Cherif, One Lucky Soul

Translation from French to English:

Fatwa Against Public Urinals?

First things first, a ‘Fatwa’ in Islamic jurisprudence is a formal ruling or interpretation on a point of Islamic law given by a qualified legal scholar known as a The French word ‘Vespasienne’ in the title is a public urinal common in France. ‘Pissoir’ is a synonym.

So, a French article in Al-Masry Al-Yom discussing the fact that the Salafi sheikh Mohamed Hussein Yakoub was talking on “El Nas” channel about a fatwa dealing with urinating while standing up. Yakoub argued that since prophet Muhammad only pissed once while standing up, we should all do it while sitting down!

Uhm, how did he know such a private and peculiar piece of info from more than a millennium ago? Seriously, one is curious where this confidence is coming from?

Yakoub also said that all bathrooms should be changed accordingly so that Egyptians don’t get dragged by western cultural invasion! Pff, what ignorance.

The writer notes that the absurd slogan of the self-promoting channel is “Heaven through the small screen”. Finally, he suggests that the next episode of Yakoub should discuss a more meaningful topic such as the status of thousands of Egyptians prisoners who are treated as slaves in Saudi Arabian prisons. Hear Hear.

We are bags of skin stuck to a rotating rock for few decades while floating in space amid millions upon billions of stars and galaxies in all their sheer magnificence, and how to pee or what to do with our genitals is the priority? What a cosmic concern!

To leave you on a more jovial note, I came to know that some men prefer peeing while sitting down. The reasons may differ but they do exist.

On a parallel note, Why NOT a Bidet? is an actual piece that followed in 2015. The Girl Who Wouldn’t Share Toilet Paper is a much more lighthearted one.

EDIT[2025]:

Reflecting back today, I am not exactly sure what made this topical and rather reactionary article to One Lucky Soul. Most likely it was my father who had sent a photo of the newspaper clipping to me from Egypt to Canada.

This was post the hijacking of the Jan 25 Revolution when the military junta was cunningly using the Muslim Brotherhood among other Islamists as a scarecrow, simply by exposing the population to them after decades of suppression. Even an M.B president was “hired” by the military before being toppled a year later then sent to prison along with other presidential candidates. What an orchestra that was.

On the personal level, 2012 was also the first year of the blog when the whole thing was still experimental. I myself was still taking the first few more serious steps towards being a writer.

Eventually I dropped World Affairs from the writings as they are not interesting or captivating enough. Reacting, commenting, reporting on who is doing what or what happened here and there is not exactly what I had in mind when taking writing as a vocation — after relocating to Toronto in 2010. Now mass media and social media in particular became almost all about that commentary element. But you see, the world is full of stupidity, so Nah.

As such, despite a Journalism and Mass Communication major, not to be a journalist has naturally followed my decision to create my own headlines. For knowing what you don’t want is a significant step towards what you do want. Onward Forward.

From the same year came another such article: Ramjit Raghav — The World’s Oldest Father.